how do people live with themselves?

[Letmebee123]

After watching the recent LA whistleblower case, I honestly can’t stop thinking about it. And my previous job (TA). One person spoke up anonymously and actual change happening. It proved that honesty can improve services, mid encourage open discussion.
How do so many people in education live with themselves when they know that behaviours are harming kids, but they stay silent? I genuinely don’t understand how anyone can carry that- I tried and ended up in therapy (and in a new job that is far away from education and contact with vulnerable families). AIBU: , it is immoral to go along with these behaviours or IANBU because some jobs just pay the bills and fits around the family? I lost a lot respect for my ex-colleagues.

Why did you stay silent?

I did when I was in the role. Everyone went along with it, didn’t think anyone would listen. But my therapist has encouraged me to make peace with myself by taking action now and by knowing I will never allow myself to be in that position again.

“Everyone went along with it, didn’t think anyone would listen. “

Well there you are, that’s how people feel pressured. Everyone was / is doing the same thing.

They will probably feel like you in the future, get a therapist or go to confession or turn to drink and resolve never to be in that position again.

So you are doing reflective practice via your therapist? It used to be built in to training. Everyone has parameters to work within and you just try to get it better next time.

“Everyone went along with it, didn’t think anyone would listen. “
You’ve answered your own question there! If that’s why you stayed quiet then a pound to a penny that’s why everyone else does too!!

You're entirely contradicting yourself. Asking how people do it, then going on to explain how you did yourself.... its immoral and terrible but you're ok because you went to therapy and your therapist excused it. You're just as bad as those "you've lost respect for"

Because, despite all the posturing and promises, whistleblowers get shat on from a great height more often than not, and people are afraid of losing their jobs and being branded a trouble maker, which would make it far harder, or even impossible, to get another one.

I agree it's awful and life shouldn't be like that. I don't know how this is solved.

I was and am still ashamed of myself. My therapist has never said it is ok, I will never feel ok about what I did and witnessed, only that I can turn my experience into positive impact. I spent some
time with one family and saw how harmful the school response was on top of the difficulty they were already facing. It added so much distress and confusion.

I haven’t seen the documentary so cannot comment on the specifics of that, but psychologically speaking we’re biologically wired to protect ourselves. That can include ignoring acts of harm. Most whistleblowers end up with massive blowback - now if you’re a single parent, or someone with a young family, or even someone with a massive mortgage. Psychologically speaking - most people stay quiet to protect themselves. It’s the same response to people ignoring harassment on trains etc

There’s bullying in my nhs organisation. I won’t ever partake but I won’t whistleblow because I’d destroy my career and I can help more from within. I’ve never seen direct impact on patient care - that would force my hand - but I understand why people don’t speak out when the environment is toxic. People need to pay their mortgages and feed their dc.