Hypermobility and a toddler: how are other hypermobile mums managing?

[DreamingSunnyHolidays1234]

I'm 38, I have a 2 year old DS and was diagnosed with hypermobility about a year ago after suffering from pain and fatigue for years, as well as random injuries and fainting episodes, especially post partum. I'm doing all the right things now - physio, exercise, vitamin D supplements, sleep hygiene, but still really, really struggling. I am not the same woman I was 5 years ago. Apparently menopause will make it worse?! I'm a solicitor and work long hours too.

I'm mentally in a very low point right now.

DS is also teething at the moment so his sleep has recently gone to shit again and I feel like I might die from exhaustion as he's waking 1-3 times a night. Looking back, I actually have no idea how I survived the newborn days.

If you also have hypermobility/EDS and small children, how are you managing? Any tips? Posting in AIBU for traffic.

@Overthebow I'm not crazy circus level flexible and since I was a dancer from an early age, I just thought I was good at dancing and flexibility. I never realized my elbows and knees and fingers were also doing things they weren't supposed to. And the fatigue, bruises, injuries and clumsiness, well, I just put down to being lazy and bit stupid.

I was always mocked for it by family and close friends, never occured to me it's related to anything, just that it was my fault.

It was only when my son was over age of 1 and I started begging the GP to look at me as I couldn't cope with crippling exhaustion and pain anymore, that she referred me to a rheumatologist who started to diagnose me within 30 seconds of meeting me!

Yes, I'm very aware of it! Interesting that the gene skipped you though, i didn't realize that could happen.

Compression leggings and orthotics help.

You need a decent osteopath for a start!! They will help sort putting you back into alignment and then he next thing is going to somewhere like the gait Lab in London. You need to get your feet sorted and most likely need custom orthotics and once you get them the rest of you massively stabilises along with the osteopathy.

where is the father of the child in all this?? He shoudl be doing 50% of the parenting for a start!!! Get yourself a day off during the week and spend it either sleeping or going to Pilates classes as you need to exercise when hypermobile. Don’t be stupid and get another child in before menopause as then you end up even more decrepit and menopause is a nightmare yes so be prepared and make sure you get oestrogen and progesterone replacement before it starts!!! Go private as NHS are shit about peri menopause

Tbf, there is i suppose the possibility that I could be too, but I've never had any issues with joints. I do however have PCOS / PMOS so plenty of other issues to be dealing with.

I've had a lot of success working with a personal trainer and sports physio who are both experienced with hyper mobility. Between them they've got me free of pain and doing strength training, and the sports physio has explained the instability of my right hip will always be a problem and I should never stop doing side planks with leg raises.

All other joints are also hypermobile but the strength training had helped eliminate pain

I've been doing pilates for years, I notice a difference if I stop but it isn't the be all and end all for hyper mobile joints.

Two other things that have made a huge difference to me recently are:
Taking iron bisglycinate with vit C (I'm 52 and deep in perimenopause)
Significantly increasing my protein intake, more meat and eggs and supplement with protein shakes. The protein will help preserve your collagen too support your joints and connective tissues

Hi my people! 👋
Me and both my daughters are hypermobility, flat feet + ADHD. Life is so tough. And nothing is visible on the outside making this a hidden disability. Infact I didn’t know my conditions until the DC got diagnosed. And now all the super exhaustion post birth and ever since and now at peri - all makes sense!

@DreamingSunnyHolidays1234 all I can say is that I coped only by going part-time and working remotely (going in as exception) since having DD1. This was decades before covid and it meant huge compromises to the roles I could do and never thought much about promotions etc as I simply could not cope. I stayed 3 days a week for 8 years after DC2 was born and regretting having gone back to full time even though I’m in the office only 1-2 days. It’s not just the job that needs my energy but the house, kids and marriage. Wish I were rich enough to quit my job and just take care of my health. The best I’ve been is when I lost a lot of weight, strength trained and swam regularly and felt like superwoman. Alas, injury stopped me and I need to get back on that wagon again.

go easy on yourself. Goals can change. Health comes first now.

Do keep an eye on it with your children. I have a lot of children. My husband is not hypermobile, I am. Every one of my children is hypermobile. Unfortunately they are also, just like me, having to find ways that work for them. Doctors are pretty unhelpful. I even had one tell me the other week that if you're hypermobile, you're going to have pain.

I don't have any issues with joints either. My issues manifest with muscle pain.

How is everyone explaining this to friends and family? Are you honest about having a health issues or do you just blame tiredness on family life?

One of my biggest struggles is friends keep asking me out (and I'm quite social so it makes me sad to not tag along) but I just don't have the energy to go out more than once every 2 weeks. I work 50 hour weeks, I want to spend time with DS, and when he goes to bed, I also need to go to bed. I also need to very careful diet and alcohol wise, even 1 evening of a heavy meal and 2 drinks will make me feel awful for days and really set back my recovery. If I wasn't in so much pain and so tired, I'd love to go out more (and DH is very hands on).

I find lots of people had patience for me post partum but now DS is 2, most mums have bounced back and I'm just becoming antisocial.

Anyone will be tired working at 50 hour week. It doesn't leave a lot of time for cooking and self care, let alone when you have other responsibilities.