AIBU to feel like crap even though it was my decision

[midlifenewlife]

I haven’t put a poll up, because essentially it doesn’t really matter either way. Mostly posting here because of high traffic levels and I am feeling very lonely.

i have ended my relationship of 8/9 years. It’s awful. I wanted the separation not him, and I am still 100% that this is the right decision. There were lots of different reasons for it. But as you know no relationships are all bad.

in the process of removing all his things at the moment, and dreading the thought of starting all over again.

realistically he was emotionally abusive and a narcissist and there is definitely more bad than good and I have known this needs to end for some time. But when you love someone despite all this it’s hard.

but still, doing it and the inevitable heartbreak and untangling of lives is leaving me totally broken. I am really trying to hold it together. But this weekend has been hard.

Hang in there! It will get better. It's normal that you miss the good bits now, it takes time to move on & get used to a new normal, and appreciate the possibilities this brings.
Try to find something good about the day that allows you to tell yourself "this could not have happened if he was around" - even simple stuff like reading your book uninterrupted

Thankyou.

I am trying really hard to do this. And to be honest there is lots of it. Tonight I’ve watched a film with my son, which almost never happened when he was around. Or at least felt like I needed to ask permission. The other night I took a spontaneous late evening visit to my daughter, which he almost certainly would have moaned about.

I just hate this sick, pit of my stomach awful feeling of when does life feel good again. It’s really early days I know, but I’m such a plough on person, and right now I’m feeling like I can’t do that.

Come on OP, you really CAN do this! You KNOW that it's the right thing to do, and I know that it's HARD, but I promise you, it WILL get easier. Just take it little by little, one hour at a time, and before you know it, a week will have gone by, and then a month. Keep yourself busy doing the things that you know he wouldn't have wanted you/let you do. You could even make yourself a chart to put on the wall, which you write all of your little victories on. Then maybe promise yourself a little treat at the end of each week as a reward for sticking to your resolve.

I'd love to think you were my daughter, as she's stuck in a relationship like this, but won't even admit that that's what is happening to her.

Do you have any support in real life, or has he isolated you from family and friends?

Luckily I do have lots of support. He tried to isolate me in very sneaky ways. But it didn’t work. My friends and family know me well and have been awesome.

I have seen friends and family and my kids since and they have all been great. But think I’m just grieving. What I thought my future would be, with the person I wanted him to be (and that he could be on occasions he wanted to keep me hoping).

I have a little list of things I want to do which is good.

I’m so sorry to hear your daughter is in the same situation. I really hope she realises and frees herself too. How long has it been going on for?

I'm SO pleased to hear that you have a good support team behind you OP. Sadly, my daughter has been in her situation for 10 years now, and unfortunately I can't see her ever getting herself out of it, as he has alienated her from all her friends and family. At one time she had so many friends you couldn't go anywhere without running into someone she knew, but nowadays even her own kids won't speak to her. It's SO, SO sad!!

Having the guts to get out of a bad relationship is big so well done.

Remember that every minute in a relationship that isn’t right for you takes away from one that is.
Bit simplistic but I think you know you’ve made the right decision. It’s a brave move and it feels hard right now but it will get easier. Rejoice in the things you can now do without the angst (and enjoy just being you) x