Was this deliberate?

[mewmamemwwme]

My dd has a best friend who is a lovely girl, I have become sort of friends with her mum. The mum is very relaxed about illness though she will send her kids to school poorly, attend a birthday party when they all have stomach bugs that sort of thing. I’ve stopped inviting them to mine as inevitably it will turn out one of them was sick last night (3 kids) or has a horrendous cough. Her kids get ill a ridiculous amount so I assume her hygiene isn’t upto much either (although her home is always fine when we have visited. )
We met up last month and she mentioned DDs friend had thrown up the night before and I said maybe you shouldn’t have brought her out if she’s not well. She brushed it off saying she’s fine today.
Yesterday we met at a park and literally immediately after we arrived she said “oh last night youngest dc seemed under weather she said ‘mum’ I looked over and she just threw up everywhere.” Then she said “oh but she’s been fine since, bit sick on the way here but not much! “

Aibu to think she is deliberately winding me up now?!!

This would bother me a lot but some people seem very chilled about vomit. Better out than in kind of thing. Probably not doing it do deliberately annoy you.

More likely that she doesnt give a shit when theyre ill generally than that she's purposefully bringing her sick kids to you specifically

I’d be suggesting she gets the kids checked out if they’re sick that often.

I have three grown up children but they only very occasionally had a sickness bug as youngsters.

The next time she mentions it, I would tell her you’ll have to stop meeting up.

Just tell her you’re not up for meeting as your children invariably get ill afterwards.

I don't see how making a child vomit around you is deliberate but it does seem strange she is happy to take them out when unwell. Also are the kids actually wanting to go out and play if they are properly sick? I do wonder whether it is actually an illness or something else - mine are rarely sick and the last time it happened to my DD she was wiped out as was being sick on and off throughout the night so only wanted to sleep in the day. There is no way she would have been happy to run around at the park or attend a party.

I did initially think your post was going to be about people who just say their child is unwell as I do have a friend who always thinks her daughter is coming down with something and keeps her off school as she always seems to have a temperature or a cough. The extent to which I always feel is OTT based on the frequency and I think she does it because she is a SAHM so easier for her to keep her child home and not just say it's a cold you will be fine.

Some people are just like this... i know a woman (were not friends anymore)
She would bring her kids out when they were ill all the time, notably with HFM, chest infections, chicken pox, always if they'd been sick- her partner had an issue with sick so she would bring the kids out even more.

I started to ask if anyone was ill and always cancelled if I got the impression one wasn't well....our friendship ended after that- i think she had me down as flakey but I was sick of her constantly making me and my son ill.

Your probably right.

Being sick for some parents and kids is just burping and bringing up some food. I can count on one hand the number of times each of my 4 kids have actually been sick. You are asking if your friend has said this to wind you up? You must have given her some reason to do this. Also saying her hygiene isnt up to much is really condescending of you. And saying you are not inviting them round anymore is fair enough but you sound a bit precious. Some kids suffer with colds and bugs more than others. I think she is winding you up because you have such a massive superiority complex.

Lots of coughs/ sickness/ conjunctivitis/ hand/foot / mouth/ bad colds. Just always one or two of them is ill

Yes I think if I cancelled when they are ill we would never see them! I tend to go for out door meets now

If it's vomit every time its prob just that he kids are sick a lot. My son used to throw up all the time, if we had done a 48hr lock down every time we'd never have gone anywhere! He was car sick, sick if he ate quickly, sick if he got silly and over excited and on one legendary occasion he was sick because he saw a dog poo on the floor with a fly on it.

I would not presume she is doing it deliberately, more that she just doesn't care. I don't think her children being ill all the time is a reflection on her hygiene

How frequently do friends kids get vomitting / diarrhoea bugs?
Once a year is in the range of normal for infections (noro) and little kids immunity systems.
Every month or every other week means it's not something contagious.

Some dc are sick a lot and it's not contagious. Out of my 4dc dd2's reaction to anything she didn't like was to vomit! None of my other dc did that. Dd2's ds also seems to vomit a lot and dd2 is not unhygienic.
Dd1 used to have a friend who would invite her over to play and her dm would inspect dd1 for any signs of illness eg slightly runny nose! She was 6 and a runny nose seemed to be a pretty regular occurrence for her. If found wanting we were not invited in. Seemed a bit OTT to me.

Probably not a bug if they get sick that much, more likely heart burn or she's a shit cook.

Do your DC or you ever catch it from them?

I have a friend like this. It really winds me up. Kept trying to meet up over Christmas while her child was vomiting. I felt like the villain saying no I don’t want my kids being ill all over Christmas. This type of behaviour is my pet hate

She really needs to teach her children to wash their hands...

We have caught colds/coughs several , dd has caught stomach bugs a couple times. You never know for sure where you catch things from but yes we often got ill after spending time with them. Being outside seems to have helped.

Yes we made the mistake at Xmas before

I think it's very disrespectful of people to take their sick kids out and spread their illnesses. Many people have vulnerable people in their families like grandparents etc and sending kids to school with V&D is just wrong and spreads like wildfire. Advice is 48 hours after last incident of V or D for a reason.
I would struggle to be friends with someone like this who think their wants are more important than being responsible for the Impact of their actions.

Yes she’s way too casual /neglectful about illness and quarantining after D +V. Horrible.

When anyone vomits you are meant to keep them away from anyone else for 24 hours since they last vomited because it is so contagious. Your friend wouldn’t be my friend anymore if she kept doing what’s she’s doing. It’s inconsiderate no other word for it.