To have called 10 year old a brat

[Ilovedisney2011]

I’m a teacher so have the summer off with my children. I was so looking forward to it this year after a lovely summer off with them last year. They are age 10 and 8, both boys.

They have both been absolute dicks all week. We’ve done plenty of fun activities together, swimming, play dates, half day holiday camp (eldest only, his request as a friend invited him), visiting family. They’ve had treats - ice creams, new books bought for them. They have had plenty of down time lolling in pyjamas watching hours of tv and playing on tablets too.

We are off on holiday tonight, flying later this evening. Youngest has repeatedly told me he’s not excited, eldest has just been a nightmare - rude to me and DH, teasing his brother relentlessly, constantly on at me to do things with him that he knows we can’t, like play board games we have already packed for the trip. He just said to me, I’m excited to get home from the holiday. It’s going to be rubbish.

He often says provocative things like that and then says it’s a “joke”. He has been repeatedly told his “jokes” aren’t funny as everyone thinks he’s serious.

I told him, calmly, that he is an ungrateful brat. I should have said “being”, but to be honest it’s not an isolated one off - it’s been all week, from both he and his brother, and I’m ready to scream at the pair of them.

Sounds like my kids. You’re not alone. Were human. We have a limit before we break (as in calling them a brat; I don’t mean hurting them).

I think you need to look at your parenting style. Your first words were " I'm a teacher" but these are your children, not your pupils. You are allowed to call them obnoxious, immature and spoiled if that's how they behave. You are allowed to be stricter with them than you are with pupils in a school. You can apply appropriate sanctions without permission from a line manager!
Your children sound very self centred and entitled. Do you and your husband really think it's acceptable for your children to behave like this? Set the boundaries that you both want and be strict about enforcing them otherwise you are making a rod for your own back as they get older. From the way I they speak to you and your husband, they have zero respect for you both.
You mention loads of treats but not one sanction in your entire post. Your husband also seems to be hanging back on enforcing any discipline too. Back each other up. The key is united expectations and clear consequences. Don't cancel a sanction because your son says " it was a joke" Just reply " Am I laughing ? ' and apply the consequences. Your sons will soon learn and will begin to appreciate how their behaviour affects the people around them.

The problem is, I think, that the sanctimonious wing of MN causes good parents to doubt themselves, the ones who children are perfect at home and school, top grades, every sports team going etc.. Tell yourself they're 99.9% either lying or delusional.

We were the same except we went to 'Argate!

I appreciate you are stressed and upset by the behaviour but calling your children dicks out of earshot or online is always unreasonable and so is calling a child a brat. There are always other ways of communicating with children rather than abusive language even when you are highly provoked.

I'm long away from the chalkface but even 20 years on I recall one of my year 10s asking me if she could report her Mum for calling her a little shit! When asked for the background which involved the girl hiding her younger sister's shoes every morning before school, I replied that I was totally with her mother she was most offended!

🤣
Are your children your best friends in the world? If anyone dares look at them do you turn into ‘ mama bear ‘?

Nah, I've called my 8 year old daughter a brat on a couple of occasions. Not proud of it to be honest, but sometimes in the moment it comes out. Their behaviour is age appropriate though and not a reflection on them as overall human beings, I'm sure they will enjoy the holiday when they're there and be grateful one day!

Wow I can’t believe the replies! Catching up after 10 days away. Thank you everyone.

Sadly the behaviour didn’t improve on holiday, we had a lovely time because it was a big group holiday with family friends and my boys loved playing with their friends in the pool all day, but the fighting between the brothers and general rudeness to DH and myself continued.

DH and I are trying to look at our own behaviour as we are both quick to react to the DC sometimes so it’s a case of learned behaviour. We are in that awkward phase where nothing has changed though yet and the boys are still at each others’ throats - I would say perhaps slightly less rude to us though.

This summer has by far been the worst I’ve had with them, I was wallowing a bit when they were in bed last night as last year we had a fantastic one and I thought this is it, these are the golden years, they’re a bit easier with being older but still lovely enough to enjoy. The brothers have never been best friends but they have never fought as much as this. DH back in work now and I’m left refereeing. I can’t even leave them in the same room to shower as it is escalating very quickly!

It does them no harm at all to realise that they can push you too far. And that they are/were being a brat/a little shit.