Furious at ds work dismissal

[OneGreyBiscuit]

This is more has my 19 year old ds employers been unreasonable. He's just been sacked for being unreliable. For context - he accepted a new job about a month ago. He informed them of where he lives which is about a forty minute train journey away. He is a few minutes late everyday because of the trains and they said they were ok with it. He's just come off holiday (which he informed them of) and went back today. He was sent an email before today telling him to get an earlier train so he's on time. Fair enough, so he did and would've continued doing. At 9 he was called into a meeting to tell him his contracts been terminated for unreliability. He was only informed of getting an earlier train from today, so how can they dismiss him like this? If he continued to get the later train and continued being late then I'd understand but they've not even given him a chance. I'm absolutely furious. And to add insult to injury he still had to pay for his waste of time and money train fare this morning.

He was late every day for a month. He should have known to get an earlier train if this was the case. Tough lesson unfortunately. And as he’s likely still in his probationary period they can let him go.

Is this a joke? If it’s not then I strongly suggest you spell out the facts of life to your DS. No one at work is going to Mummy him, he should be in the office 15 minutes before his start time every day. The fact that he doesn’t know this makes me question where he’s been all his life. The fact that you think he’s been treated unfairly makes me laugh my head off. Seriously?

He was persistently late. The first time he was late he should have thought to get the earlier train

To be fair, I think a lot of young people need to learn about how work works. That is not a Comment on a particular generation either, just that it is a big transition from education to employment. I remember when we left university one of my friends being spoken to about her timekeeping - she had assumed start times were flexible and it turned out they weren't.

It's also important to note the you get the least leeway in unskilled or entry level jobs, which are what you are likely to be doing as a 19 yo. I have a lot more flexibility at the end of my career, but what I offer is very different.

First day of my job I was told ….. if your early your on time, if your on time your late, if your late your fired!!!! Which has been passed down to my kids!! . And just because ‘everyone else does it’ doesn’t make it right!

I don’t understand how he continued to get the train which made him late every single day. If that was me or my child and on their first day arrived at 9.04am I would be like fuck fuck fuck, I’m late to my new job, that looks awful, I hope the boss doesn’t bollock me. Tomorrow I must get the earlier train.

I wouldn’t continue to get a train that made me late, regardless of whether my new employers said it was fine. Imagine strolling in late every single day!

It’s really really basic stuff.

I am a few minutes to work every single day because of trains. I asked before I started if I can be and they said it’s fine so most days I’m 5-10 mins late and just work it back out of my lunch. I do it because the train before would get me there like 50 mins before. If they asked me to start being on time then I would have to, but would have been shocked had they sacked me during my probation for this after they’d initially agreed.
They were wrong to agree to it and then go back in their word, but didn’t do anything legally wrong. Guess he just has to cut his losses poor lad.

Couldn't he work out for himself that he needed to get an earlier train if his usual one got him there late? They will have thought he didn't care enough to get in on time.

The issue is that we really don't know what was agreed. They possibly gave him a bit of leeway on his first day, but then didn't expect him to be late every single day.

I mentioned a similar case at my work where an older member of staff took the proverbial after I'd reassured her that she wasn't in trouble for being late.

After she kept doing it, I had to speak to her about her timekeeping.

He told you they said that.
But did they really?
clearly it wasn’t ok.

I am astonished they even had to tell him to get an earlier train in order to be there on time. Did he not figure this out for himself?

Lesson learnt - hopefully he'll be more punctual in his next job and keep it longer.

Now THAT is patronising. It’s possible to not go to uni

You don’t know that they did say that though.

He is a grown man who shouldn’t need to be told to get an earlier train.

It seems to be a MN thing for some to infantilise their sons so they are incapable of being independent even when they reach adulthood. It’s a shame for the women who end up with them.!

One offs are fine. But until/unless you prove yourself in a job, nobody is going to let you take the piss. Probably annoying for his colleagues as well.

In any case that’s what probation is for - so that both parties can judge if the job and occupant are compatible.

I am probably going to show my age here - but in my day, the start time was 9:00. This was when you were sitting at your desk, logged in and ready to work. It was not the time you rolled up.

I am guessing that if he was a couple of minutes late every day, that translate to “he arrived at 9:05, and by the time he sat down and ready to work it was 9:20”.

I am also confused why an adult should have to be told to catch an earlier train. Surely, at working age, they should be thinking for themselves

Not RTFT but I think your DS approach to a new job is typical of this generation.

If I were due in at 9am and train arrived into the station at 9am with a 5 minute walk to work, and the aternative was the train arrives in at 8am and I have 55 mins to kill before work started, the choice would be a no brainer. Get the early train.

I wouldn't ever have entertained the idea of arriving at work late. These days alot of young folk look at the train times and think 'close enough' and seem to think it's acceptable behaviour to turn up late.

OP your DS travel option limitations are his issue to solve not his former employers.

Every day for a month ? Because you were getting a train arriving too late to get you to work on time and didn’t think to get an earlier one until your employer told you to ?

Three comments, where I am trying to help rather than criticize.

1. Would it help your DS to be told that as a young person, in a new job, he should be trying to wow his employers? Getting in early is a total PITA if, like me, you love sleeping in your bed. But it's worth it....
2. A warning (not sure if this point has already been made). He's been employed for 2 months, IIRC. He's taken holiday (a fortnight?). He will have overspent his holiday allowance - if he's been employed there for two months he will only have accrued 93% of one week's leave, and he may have taken more leave than his actual holiday if he was off for any bank holidays during this time. It is possible he may even end up owing them money..... This is harsh, I know, but it's true, and better that you should be prepared for this eventuality.

It's a bit shitty of them to say it's ok and then fire him anyway, so I went with YANBU.

I've had to commute via train before, and I've had situations where it was a case of "be an hour early or be a couple of minutes late". I absolutely get choosing the latter (who wants to add a whole extra hour to their day every day, unpaid??) BUT -

✨ ✨ ✨ get it in writing ✨ ✨ ✨

Pretty sure they have to be in school on time to prepare them for the working world! Should have some idea about timekeeping.

He can speak to Citizens Advice for free. I don’t think it’s going to get far though. Going to a tribunal for wrongful dismissal isn’t straight forward and most likely he wasn’t. If they feel there is a chance the claim won’t be found in his favour they will ask him to pay his court fees up front.

My advice would be to chalk this up as a lesson learned - he needs to get to work on time. Being late is in fact being unreliable.

It’s also time for you to stop holding his hand. He’s an adult and failure is normal. He’s learning the lessons school nor you could teach him. It’s nice he has you as a safety net right now - but you have to stop softening the blow by defending his behaviour. You know full well he’s in the wrong.

Has your Son inherited your combative nature? Because if he reacted to his boss’ criticism the way you have reacted here I can very much understand why he’s been let go.

You choose to add an extra hour if it is your responsibility to get to work on time. The fact that people choose to be consistently late is baffling. I do see it a lot with late teens/early twenties people though - it’s as if they feel that they make enough of a contribution to their employer during the time they deign to attend.

But the OP’s DS is a grown man - whatever he’s telling mummy about his mean boss is irrelevant. He’s old enough to work so he’s old enough to be the adult he is.

It won’t change though - I have seen so many posts from mothers like this who think their grown ass son can do no wrong and that everything is the fault of someone else.

I have a theory that many of these sons (and their mothers) end up being moaned about on MN

You can’t just sue an employer though, you have to apply to the tribunal service and they consider whether to allow the application on legal and other grounds. On the face of it he isn’t eligible to apply - he hasn’t been there long enough and doesn’t have protected characteristics giving him the necessary day one rights.