AIBU to be put off dating after his comments about ageing women?

[turtledoveee]

I went on a date with a man a few weeks ago. Since then, I've been on holiday for 15 days - and busy with life in general upon my return.

On this date (wasn't our first - but third) we were talking about light hearted topics such as TV shows. I mentioned that I hadn't loved or got 'into' a show in a long long time. I referenced 'Desperate Housewives' as the last long running/great show I'd watched. I mentioned I loved Gabrielle - portrayed by Eva Longoria - and mentioned that she is gorgeous!

He said: 'Yeah, but she's old now...'

Obviously, I am aware she's older now - given the show was aired 20 ago! She's STILL stunning though.

Anyway, he continued to talk about other women (celebrities) - but in a context that they'd 'aged out'. Whilst he didn't use those exact words - it was the fact that he was almost 'dismissing' them for their ages. I found it deeply unattractive - since we are all going to age. I'm 37 to be clear. This man was 45!

I left the date - and told him his attitude and 'sneering' at women that he deemed 'too old' (for him) was unattractive.

Rest assured, Eva Longoria now (or then) wouldn't look at him. It's not like he would ever have a chance at her (or any of the other women he named)!

I then went on holiday 3 days after the date - and perhaps it is the holiday bliss talking - but I felt so at peace with my life. He noticed I blocked him on WhatsApp and then reached out to me via LinkedIn of all places and sent me a biting and angry message! I won't repeat it verbatim, but it confirmed what I thought about him.

As much as I was disgusted... I laughed too. Not because it's a laughing matter - but because he was so pathetic. To be clear, my name is unique and no, I didn't give him all my professional information beforehand etc...

AIBU to just be put off with dating?! Here's to a peaceful single life!

I wouldn't let one bad apple put you off dating. You clearly know your worth and did not waste time on this unpleasant man so I would think you are in the right frame of mind to enjoy dating if that's what you want to do.

Thank him for so carefully proving your assessment of him was accurate, then block on all platforms and move on. Or skip the first part.

Seems your arsehole radar is fully functional so don't let him put you off.

YANBU i gave up on the OLD sites when I saw just how obsessed men were with looks. It was relentless and like absolutely nothing else mattered. I've got fucking loads going for me I really have, but I'm 60 and ordinary looking so no 55-65 year old man (the age range I put) was interested.

I gave up and went on a companion site instead. Don't get me wrong, if the sex were to happen t hat would be great but I've specifically said I'm just looking for a companion now.

I was reading along thinking that "she's old now" would be a terrible comment if you'd been talking about Eva Longoria's talent or skill, but given that you had commented specifically on her being gorgeous, it might make sense - e.g., a 25 year old watching a repeat from 20+ years ago being attracted to her and then reminding himself that she's 50+ now. But he's 45!!!! He is "old now" too. 😲That plus angry message (he feels entitled to your time and attention, even after you very clearly told him WHY you would not pursue any kind of relationship with him) = bullet dodged, but it's unfortunate it took three dates for him to go full-on troglodyte.

Re the dating in general - if you're happy not doing it, then I wouldn't bother. But it you want to continue, I guess I'd look for ways to weed out the misogynists early - ideally before meeting in person!

I would certainly give up dating if I were you. Most people (of both sexes) find old people less physically attractive than younger ones, so if that's a dealbreaker for you you're likely to be wasting your time.

My ex once said he felt sorry for Michelle Pfeiffer as she used to be so beautiful and now she was so old. Bear in mind this was about 10 years ago and she still looks fantastic now. I reassured him that she probably didn’t need his pity and would still be considered well out of his league. I’d love to hear his Neanderthal take on how his number one crush - Pamela Anderson - is approaching ageing!

Most people are also clever enough to realise you don’t have to say this out loud to someone you’re trying to lure into a long-lasting relationship!

Would it be a long-lasting relationship if his preference is for younger women though? The OP has had a lucky escape.

Rubbish

She's 37 not 90.

@turtledoveee Date younger men, they tend to be less bitter.

He must be a Mumsnetter!

That's a good point. The OP could just persevere and try to find a better liar.

Then she could come on here in 10 years' time when the truth has played itself out in righteous outrage about how dishonest men are.

Offer to set him up on a date with Dorian Grey.

Don't be put off dating because one man was a dick. He sounds revolting but you spotted it early and ditched him, which was absolutely the right thing to do.

You're obviously very savvy about red flags (unlike a huge number of Mumsnetters - so many threads on her from women saying 'On our third date he told me I needed to dress up more for him and ought to get a boob job, and also he still lives with his wife but they're getting divorced, and he was rude to the waiter and also put his hand up my skirt even though I told him not to, and then he sent me an unsolicited picture of himself fucking a hole he'd cut in a melon along with a PayPal request for the £3 he spent on my Diet Coke - I was wondering if I shouldn't see him again but maybe I'm being oversensitive? Also he hasn't brushed his teeth since 1994).

The fact that you're able to weed out the dickheads early doors means that you will be able to separate the wheat from the chaff, so don't lose hope! There are good men out there. Two of my friends, both in their late 40s, are getting married this year to lovely men they met through online dating. Sure, they had some awful dates first with people they never wanted to see again, and sure, they saw some absolute tossers on the dating sites, but they did find the right people.

How is the companion site going? I’ve never heard of this type of thing!

@BauhausOfEliott🤣🤣🤣

I am of the belief that if you were to be given access to 90% of men’s browsing history then they you will discover that they have all been looking at scantily clad women that look nothing like you and are all at least a decade younger than than you. Personal opinion of course and not open for debate. If I get rid of my current OH I will never again be in a relationship, I think most men are disgusting. I will use them for everything they’ve used me for while I still can.

@risingup i'm also interested in the companion site. I've never heard of this.

@turtledoveee I bet Eva Longoria wouldn't look twice at him and that in itself probably makes him angry

I genuinely think some men get pissed off that women are beautiful as they get older

this is one reason I don't want to do Internet dating. I don't come across these horrible men out and about. Maybe they are just sensible enough to keep quiet but i'm not sure I think Internet dating sites attract these men

I liked the fact you said she wouldn’t look twice at him because it’s very true. Most men who slate women for getting old or fat or whatever it might be are hideous themselves.

I think you might need to Google a current picture of Eva Longoria now to understand the point the OP is trying to make.....

She is 51, and still looks about 35 - this is not an 'old person' that anyone would agree is now less attractive.

This is so true. I experienced a good example of this not long ago when a man I know was taking the piss out of a 50 something male celebrity who actually has an age appropriate (and attractive) partner rather than someone 20 years his junior. He was all about how it was natural to be attracted to someone much younger looking until I pointed out how women might also feel the same. Oh how that enraged his 50 something, long-faded lothario self.....

OT but my 23y son said his dream woman is Eva Longoria, then and now! And he knows she is way out of his league ;-)

I don’t blame men at all for being massively more attracted to younger women. It’s biology. But they should keep it to themselves. He sounds like a shallow oaf.

I’m massively attracted to younger, fitter, more virile men; it’s my biology but I keep it to myself.

Indeed and whisper it but there are also some people who can value someone for their personality and values not just their looks…

Indeed, I rather like 28 year old marines but I keep that to myself too 😀

Many dating websites have, or used to have, a "companion only" tick box that you could use as an option. It's been a while so I don't know if that's still the case. There are companion only websites out there but I can't remember the name of the one I used as it was a few years ago now. I did meet someone on there and have a romantic 4 year relationship with him but I wasn't looking for sex or romance, just a companion.

I can't tell you what I relief it is to take sex out of the equation though. A different type of man on those websites.

Also there are the obvious social groups/stitch/meet-up type groups.