AIBU to not meet up with obnoxious relatives who ask insensitive questions?

[annoyingunclesdrama]

I'm currently visiting family abroead with my DS who's 6. I have many relatives here but one set of uncle and auntie who are frankly obnoxious yet my parents always insist we should meet up with them despite them- and their children, so my cousins- being really rude to me, keep asking me when I'll have another child (very painful for me as I always wanted more than one but couldn't due to infertility) they have now arranged for me and my son to meet them at a village fete tomorrow and I'm absolutely dreading it. They're those kind of people who totally drain you, and I am afraid they'll ask about my family size again and me having to hold back tears. If I refuse to go there'll be drama. AIBU to duck out of it even if I'd only have to meet them for a few hours? Or shall I suck it up and just go to keep the peace?

Just a thought. Why hold back the tears?

I don’t mean collapse wailing at their feet. But assuming your parents are aware of your issues, and you can do it without distressing your son, why not let them know how much they are upsetting you?

Sending hugs, I know exactly how difficult fertility issues can be.

I was a slightly older mum/wife (34 when I met DH, he was 38). Even before getting married/having children I got comments like 'you will have to churn them out one after the other.
Both DH and I are only children. We are fine. I was like 'and what if we decide to have just one?' What if we decide that at first then change our minds. Or what if nature decides for us? There is no 'have to' about it.

Siblings aren't the be all and end all. DH's late father and his brother didn't speak so I have never met his uncle! His mum was an only but has a great relationship with her cousin.

I’d pull the Clint Eastwood face and walk off.

This is my thought too. If they’re so insensitive as to ask the question, I see no reason to ‘protect’ them from your completely reasonable and natural response to it.

Well I would very much want to hold back tears in front of my child!
Who wants them to think they are not enough, for example?
Or that everyone thinks it terrible that their mother has not provided a sibling?

This is the brutal tactlessness of people who raise any kind of family size discussion in front of kids.

My former partner was friends with a couple and I didn’t like the husband, because he bombarded me with insensitive and intrusive questions.

Anyway, my partner and I were on a trip to the town where this couple lived and he knew I didn’t want to meet up with them. At the last minute, he sprung it on me that he’d arranged for us to have lunch with them. This genuinely upset me and I was angry with him. I did go in the end and it was OK, but I still think his behaviour was out of order.

OP, I think your parents’ behaviour is also out of order and I would tell them that they shouldn’t have gone behind your back. I would also ask them why they’re trying to force you to meet up with people who are rude to you and leave you trying to hold back tears.

And I wouldn’t go. Why put yourself through it? So what if your family get angry? They are the ones in the wrong.

"Hhmmm - and the reason this is any of your business is because......"?

Put in this form, it becomes an unanswerable question.

Yes of course, hence my saying “if you can do it without distressing your child”.

But adult exchanges often literally pass over children’s heads. A swift sad look with watery eyes and a head shake might make the point quite eloquently.

But obviously it would be better done if the OP’s DC was distracted at the time.

Really the OP’s parents should shut this down with their relatives.

I wouldn’t even consider going. Why would you? If your parents think they’re so great, they can go ahead and meet them. You can do your own thing.