11 year old bored in the school holidays

[Secretgarden13]

I feel really shit about 11 year old ds.

We’re in a bit of an awkward situation. He’s finished year 6, he’s always been a shy, quiet kid. But he’s gone to school, done swimming lessons, had a go at tennis, currently plays sport Saturdays and Sundays plus trains twice a week.

He’s quite isolated, older brother is off doing his own thing, no neighbourhood kids to play with, he has had play dates etc through school but it’s getting to an age where the children are sorting this out between themselves and ds refuses to engage. He just doesn’t want to ring or message friends and there’s no forcing him.

We have got a few meet ups with school friends but obviously with being off school the days are long. All the boys used to play online together but none of the kids seem to bother with that anymore.

I’ve taken him out every day whether to the cinema, park, out for walks, we went to a theme park with a school friend but ds wanted the friend to come to our house afterwards and the boy just wanted to go home.

Me and his dad have been at the park for three hours today and played football with him but now he looks really sad. He said he’s bored and we don’t take him anywhere.

We are going on holiday abroad next week and I’m really hoping he will make a friend but it’s unlikely because he just won’t want to.

One of the mums from his sport was encouraging him to play online with her son who ds gets on with, but he won’t because he’s too shy.

When we are at home he’s having a lot of screen time, but I’ve been really strict about making him come off the screens to help round the house, go in the garden etc. I’ve tried to encourage him to draw, read, play with Lego. He will play board games and stuff with me but I can’t entertain him every waking hour.

Regarding school friends I think that because he’s always been a quiet lad I don’t think he’s really bonded with anyone and although he’s not disliked I think he’s just a bit forgotten about.

Do we have to just ride it out and hope that he makes a good friend at secondary school?

@Secretgarden13
you sound like you’re doing your best to think of lots of fun things to do - don’t beat yourself up.
also you mention about going out so guessing your not working over the holidays and might not need “childcare” HOWEVER booking him into a holiday hobby club or something would fill the days a bit and test some independence too. Is there anything in your area you could book when you’re back from holidays?

my ds14 has done a cricket club and he’s been to the Lego workshops at the local university too

I really wish that he would go to a holiday club but he won’t. I have suggested it but he sad he doesn’t want to.

Perhaps I should have forced him, he did do a couple of camps admittedly it was a few years ago and he hated it.

"I’ve taken him out every day whether to the cinema, park, out for walks, we went to a theme park with a school friend but ds wanted the friend to come to our house afterwards and the boy just wanted to go home.

Me and his dad have been at the park for three hours today and played football with him but now he looks really sad. He said he’s bored and we don’t take him anywhere."

I think your doing too much actually. An 11 year old shouldn't need someone else to entertain him every minute of the day. He needs to learn how to keep himself occupied some of the time. Let him be bored for a bit ( without a screen) and give him chance to find things to do for himself.

Or you could try what my DM did if I was ever unwise enough to say (or even look) bored and give him a job to do.

So maybe remind him that he doesn’t like camps, won’t contact friends, his boredom is self inflicted!

Maybe a bit of tough love is needed here.
He doesnt want to contact his friends, he has been invited to game with another boy and refuses.
And also complains you dont take him anywhere when you do.

He cannot expect you to run his social life for him. You might need to push him to do things.

if he complains tell him to message a friend. If he refuses just shrug your shoulders. It will have to be up to him.