I'm late 30s, married with children, and I'm genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable or whether I'm missing something.
For the last couple of years our sex life has really tailed off. Whenever I've tried to talk about it, DH has always said he just has a lower libido these days. I've accepted that because I know these things can happen (when the kids were you I was very touched out) so I didn't want to pressure him.
The thing is, I work from home so he's very rarely in the house on his own. Recently I was using his laptop to search for something, accidentally clicked on the wrong browser and it became pretty obvious that this was his porn browser. Curiousity led me to look at the dates and it seemed like on pretty much every occasion he has had the house to himself, he's watched porn.
To be clear, I don't think this is an addiction. These opportunities only come around every other week or so because I'm usually at home working, so it's not like he's doing it daily. And I don't have a moral objection to porn. If someone wants to watch it occasionally and it has no impact on the relationship, that's their business.
What I'm struggling with is that it now feels as though he doesn't have a low libido after all - he just has a low libido for me. If he's choosing porn every chance he gets but telling me he has no interest in sex, it feels quite hurtful.
I also feel conflicted because I know masturbation is quick, easy and doesn't necessarily mean someone wants partnered sex. But equally, if you've repeatedly told your spouse your libido is too low for intimacy, yet you're making time for porn whenever you get the chance, doesn't that change things?
I'm not planning on having a row about the porn itself. It's more that I feel as though the "low libido" explanation doesn't quite add up anymore, and I'm wondering whether the real issue is our relationship or his attraction to me.
AIBU to feel upset by this, or am I reading far too much into it? I'm comfortable talking about this with him but I want to make sure my feelings are valid and all points considered.