AIBU to not want my strident niece joining us at Christmas?

[NoMoreMrsNiceynicey]

Background: my husband died violently in Hong Kong in February. My DD and DSiL have been and continue to be incredibly helpful and supportive. They have offered to come to stay with me at Christmas and I am really looking forward to that.
I have a Dear Niece, who lives alone, has no partner or children (her remaining parent, my DSis died 15 years ago) but she does have a circle of good and supportive friends. When I told her my DD and DSiL were coming for Christmas, she immediately said that she would come, too. My heart sank. She's quite difficult, bossy and can be very strident. I don't want her to come. I was looking forward to spending time with DD and DSiL, and I feel bounced into something I don't want. But at the same time I find it hard to tell her so.
I know I need to find Big Girl Pants and address it soon. I'm emotionally exhausted. Wwyd?

I'm sorry for your loss, must be very difficult.

This is hard. I'd say to not make plans and you'll decide what you feel like closer to Christmas, and she should make sure she doesn't turn down offers just in case.

Or no, obviously.

Is she in contact with your DD and DSIL? Can you just lie if you would rather not say you don’t want her there, get in there now there is a change of plan, you’ve been invited to them?

"Hi Jane, thank you for offering to join us for Christmas, but DD and I are having a very quiet one this year with just us and her DH - I know you'll understand. I think this year will be a tough one for us both."

And do not be drawn into discussing future Christmases where you offer to host her then instead!

I'm sorry for your loss, but feel free to be blunt with the niece about this being just for you and DD as mother and daughter (with her husband of course!).

I'm sorry for your loss.

Can you thank her for offering but given this is the first Christmas since your husband's death you are not up for hosting and appreciate her understanding that you just want to keep it quiet and low-key this year. You look forward to seeing her at some point in 2026 and hope she can do something appropriately joyful on your behalf.

Absolutely this. Now is not the time to pussyfoot around someone else’s feelings, when you must be in an incredibly difficult place. Think how much better you will feel about guarding your peace.💐

Agreed. This is the best response

I'm sorry for your loss, @NoMoreMrsNiceynicey .

Sometimes in a situation, we have to pick the least bad thing. Would you rather send a bit of an awkward message now, when she has months to make alternative plans, or spend the rest of the year dreading what will already be a tough holiday?

I know what I'd prefer! "Hi, Niece, thank you for the offer to spend the holidays with us but we're not going to have anyone join us this year for obvious reasons. Let's plan something in the new year. Love, Auntie."

I’m so sorry for your loss OP, how terrible

agree with pp's.
While it's nice to invite family for christmas if they don't have anyone else, the key word there is INVITE. Not impose yourself. If there is one year you don't have to put everyone else's wishes first it's this one.

Message her now and say 'sorry I don't think I'll be up for hosting this year. We can make plans to do something later on.' Do it now so a) she doesn't feel like she's been dumped at a later date, as it's never been agreed to start with, and b) so you don't have it hanging over you.

Tell her now, clearly - don’t leave room for “…. But I thought we’d agreed….”

All you need to say is “Sorry but I won’t be up for hosting this year.”

She would have to have the hide of a rhino to push back.