AIBU for warning my boss off hiring a former colleague?

[BashtheBishop]

I have been in my job for a couple of years now. My boss is VERY volatile and seems to be getting worse. Remember when the press used to talk about Alex Ferguson's "hairdryer treatment"? My boss in his worst mood is like a full salon's worth.

I'd leave, but a) it's very good money - better than I'd get elsewhere and b) we both work remotely, which is not only convenient for me, but it means I rarely see him in person. So on I march.

Anyway, on Thursday he called me about an open role we have in the team. He showed me a LinkedIn profile of a former colleague and asked me for my thoughts. I had a sort of involuntary "Uhhhh" noise when I saw her profile, and my face probably told a similar story. He said, "What, she's no good?"

The issue is this. It's not that she's bad at the job - but she is incredibly sensitive to criticism. I remember our boss ending more than one meeting and sending the rest of us out because she'd got upset over some dissent or disagreement and was in tears. You'd see her crying in the office sometimes and think something was really wrong, then when you asked her she'd do this sort of deep breathing, like she was trying to pull herself together, and say "I got this email...". It would turn out to be someone had been a bit snappy or blunt with her; the kind of thing most of us would just roll our eyes at.

She would last a week with my boss, if that. The first time she got one of his real dressing downs she'd be sobbing. Either he would fire her or she would walk out - either way, it would be disastrous. I basically gave my boss a more diplomatic version of the truth and he isn't going to approach her.

I think I've done the right thing. However, I told a friend, who knows what my boss is like, and she was a bit "Hmmmm..." with me about it, saying it was a bit unfair to say not to hire her instead of letting her have a chance and "She might really need a job".

Well one, she didn't apply - my boss was looking to approach her. Two, even if she is out of work at the moment, surely I wouldn't be doing her any favours by recommending her for a job I know she'll hate and where her boss will have instant regrets. And three, although I wouldn't have be providing an official reference, if I hadn't mentioned a major issue and my boss had hired her, that's not great for me.

AIBU?

I'd think more about your bosses behaviour to be honest. It's not acceptable to behave that way.

What kind of and what is the size of your company?

Your boss is a Bully, and nobody dares (can be arsed) to deal with it. What a terrible organisation that allows this, and also doesn’t have a culture where bad behaviour is dealt with.
A good leader can give feedback without shouting, and giving the “hairdryer” treatment.

Done her a favour

"do you think this person would be a good fit for this organisation given you have firsthand experience of working with her and us?"

"No I don't"

End of.

You did the right thing, for all of your sake. Some people are sensitive to things, and some careers and bosses are not for the faint hearted, and that’s okay! Also, she could be happy where she is, then became tempted by a better salary then live to regret it, who knows! You done her a favour.

What is done is done, but, how long did you know this person and how long ago? What you may have been seeing is someone who was or had been experiencing significant problems in their life which caused them anxiety which spilled into work. Not ideal to allow personal life to affect work, but we’re all human. Doesn’t mean this person is always like this or would be now? However, if asked and put on the spot, I probably would have also let slip.

You were asked your opinion and you gave it (diplomatic version!). The rest is still down to your boss. He can ignore your opinion or decide that it has merit. The fact he seems to have taken notice of your opinion is good, it means he values it.

This person may or may not have been looking for a job. It's something you won't know either way. If your boss is volatile, and she's overly sensitive/dramatic, then you've saved her from misery.

Well done for your directness with your boss. I don’t quite understand what the rest of your post is about thought?

Which part don't you understand?

My friends husband did something similar to this when my grother my brother went for an interview so "he didnt get the job." You obviously didnt like the other girl.

I’ve just had a colleague like that leave our workplace, after less than a year. Not only was she extremely sensitive, she was a snitch. So would go straight to management rather than sort it out with the person directly.
YANBU. You have done the right thing for sure.

I'd say its the right thing to do. Doesn't sound like she's actually applied for the job?

If someone is a bad fit for a job this can be worse in the long run.

I disagree - I think she’s done her a massive favour. It would never have worked, and in the best case scenario the sensitive colleague faced up to a year of total misery while trying to find somewhere else.

If she’d applied for it it would be different but I think you did the right thing here.

you did the right thing because he was going to headhunt her.

If she was jobless and had applied id say she had the right to give it a chance.

But allowing her to be drawn from another role where I assume she’s happy into a role you know she’ll struggle with would be cruel.

It's not about like or dislike - it's about the fact that she's completely temperamentally unsuited to working with my boss. If anything, the more I liked someone, the more I'd discourage them!

You're not being unreasonable but how do you know she hasn't changed and would have really appreciated such a well-paying job? How do you know her reactions (if she hadn't changed) wouldn't have taught your boss to behave differently? Your boss behaves like that because cowards let them get away with it.

Anyway, never interfere with someone earning a living. Let them decide if it's right for them. But I think you had good intentions here.

Anyway, never interfere with someone earning a living.

So I assume we should scrap asking for references?