AIBU to get DS17 nothing for his birthday?

[NavySeal]

It's DS17 birthday today.

We agreed beforehand that we'd pay for half of his driving lessons and he'd pay the other half himself.

AIBU for not getting him anything else or doing anything for his birthday?

Are you skint or just mean? Maybe a T-shirt and some sweets?

It's something the parents should have saved up for over time. It's not 'privileged'. People shouldn't have children if they aren't prepared to spend any money on them.

Ok. Guess you're not living month to month as a low.income single parent with no spare cash to save every month, let alone enough to cover 30+ hours of lessons and tests etc.

This privilege is exactly what I mean. Thank you for illustrating my point.

I got my son driving lessons and some mini chocolate cars and a card.
The cost of the driving lessons for me was huge. I feel parents should pay if they can but lots of people can’t afford it.
I think driving lessons is very generous. I paid for my own driving lessons and no one took me out to learn to drive. I would have been over the moon at 17 to have my driving lessons or half my driving lessons paid for.

AIBU for not getting him anything else or doing anything for his birthday?

yes - he is your son - surely you would want to make him feel loved and special - it doesn’t have to cost a lot but it’s thinking in advance

We always have a M&S Colin for family birthdays & we always go out for a meal - birthday persons choice . For my DS I always buy a few little things as well as his main gift - aftershave, his favourite chocolate , Baddedas (he loves it!) and a thoughtful card etc

If you genuinely didn’t get him a card or anything to unwrap and said Happy Birthday in passing I’m not surprised he’s sad about it

That was a crap birthday celebration. I would have bought him a card a cake and a small gift to celebrate the day.

I'm with the majority of others on here...what do you mean byt not done anything else?? Card? Cake? Token bits and bobs? Voucher with commitment to pay for driving lessons? It really costs very little to make a fuss of your child on their birthday even if you've already made the decision to pay for the lessons.

I would have still given him something. Even if it was just some aftershave or something. You haven’t even planned a nice meal or anything, it’s just like just another day! You’re being really mean here, not surprised he’s annoyed. It’s your son!!!!

My DS is 17 and we did the driving lesson thing for his birthday too. But that wasn’t it! He’s only 17…he would have been gutted if we had done nothing else.

We put decorations up, got some small things to open (he also had stuff from wider family), made a cake, got a takeaway of his choice and he arranged something with his friends which we gave him a bit of money towards. Honestly, it’s a bit crap to do nothing to make him feel special on his birthday. Poor kid.

I think it's fine to not get him another gift when he's already received one. But I think it's mean and a bit miserable to not do anything for his birthday. Not even a special dinner? A cake? Going to the cinema? Anything?

This is the sort of thing that goes down fine with adult DC but he's not an adult yet and it was really quite mean not to get him some few things to open.

So many out of touch people saying you’re mean for not paying for all of the lessons. Not everyone can afford to pay loads for their kids to learn to drive.

We’ve allocated £1000 for our son’s (his sister took a long time and about that much) but we know we’re lucky to be able to do that. If he needs any more, he’ll have to pay for it himself or use his birthday money (unless it’s not too much more and we’ll probably stretch).

I do agree it’s mean not to do anything else though. We always have a fuss made on birthdays in our house, usually with a takeaway or meal out and a cake.

Clearly the OP is not in that position, so it's moot. Also, it is very important to give children the best oppurtunities in life, even if it means some short term debt. We're not living in a country or an era where there is no access to birth control. People should think carefully about their life choices, and what they can afford. I make no apologies for saying that.

Seems a bit mean. We gave our son £500 towards his driving lessons and 3/4 smaller gifts plus cake and a family bbq. It’s a milestone birthday so we wanted him to feel special and spoilt

You didn’t actually have to spend any money at all to make him feel special. Are you one of those people who insist that birthdays aren’t special over the age of 10? Both mine had driving lessons for their 17ths but they still got a fancy breakfast, something small to open (probably chocolates) and as we are a house of home made cakes a birthday cake with a driving scene on top (I think for both I had a toy car with an L written on it crashing into a pile of earth made out of a crumbled flake). My DS still has that car on top of his monitor as he says it makes him laugh.

A card?

Not even a card? How miserly, I couldn't personally but I love gift giving. Seems super mean for your own child...

Minimum you should have got him a card and something small he would like.
To be honest you sound tight. How can you not understand his dissapointment?
Saying happy birthday and nothing else. I can see his dissapointment.

For our DD’s 17th, we did something similar. She still got a dinner out, a cake, and a small gift to open.

No card or cake at least? What do you usually do for kids' birthdays? He is still a kid.

You do realise not everyone can access credit or get into debt? And even if they could, if they’re living hand to mouth, it certainly shouldn’t be encouraged. I assume you also realise people’s circumstances can change. For someone so opinionated you seem really hard of thinking.

It's entirely up to you. Gift giving may not be your thing or you may be strapped for cash, or you may simply be avoiding cluttering up the house with stuff he may or may not want or any other reason - entirely up to you. He'll have friends who are lavished with gifts and others who would be lucky to get driving lessons for their birthday. As long as you are doing the same (monetary equivalent) with all your children/step children then you're fine.

Updated: I did assume you would have got a card and a cake though!

stop being cheap, at least get him colin the caterpillar

So I'm 'hard of thinking' because I disagree with you? Funny, I think it is 'hard of thinking' to have children one can't afford.

The hard of thinking is not understanding people’s circumstances can change. So yes, I don’t apologise for that!