Struggling to accept DS 3.5 is likely autistic

[okroger]

Posting here as it’s quiet on the neurodiverse page.

I’ve posted here before but I guess I’m just looking for further reassurance (although still realistic).

I have two older DC 9 and 10 with no ND but my third is looking very likely ASD. He’s a lovely little happy boy but I just can’t keep thinking how different our life might have been if we’d stopped at two DC, especially as the older two are a lot easier now (probabaly in that sweet spot pre teen!) in all family situations I keep thinking about how it would be easier now. It’s like an obsession comparing our lives to what could have been.

I know that sounds awful and I don’t regret having a third (he was very much planned).
I guess our lives are just looking different to what we expected. I also feel concerned it could or already is effecting our other DC.

His biggest most noticeable problem is delayed speech. He finds ways to communicate but speaks in phrases (Gestalt language professor). He’s got many of them and some are very clear but he engages in zero conversation, although he’ll day related phrases to some of what we say.

He struggles with instructions unless they’re routine.

He starts school in sept 2027 which I’m petrified about. I know a lot could change in a year but possibly not enough for mainstream.

He’s having private speech therapy which I believe is helping. He shows no signs of potty training at all. HV said at 3 he was globally delayed.

If anyone else has been in this situation can you help me see what the future could be like? I know of course all journeys are different.

Also aware I sound a bit desperate! (Which I am).

Thank you, I’ll follow them x

Thank you, that’s good to hear. It’s so scary not know what he might be like in the future. So hope he can catch up a bit within the next year.

I feel for you. It’s a horrible feeling.
they must know more than we think. DS often does something that surprises me.
He did see a number five today and shouted “5” which is massive progress for him 🙌

My DS is autistic. What I found was that mainstream nursery and reception had children with a very wide range of abilities. It might be that mainstream is not for him or at least not after a few yrars but you don't have to decide everything yet.

My son is 14 with ASD, OCD and a learning disability and life is hard. He was an angel growing up but hit puberty and its been a nightmare. I also am scared of the future and I miss my life. Sorry i cant be more positive. Every child is different but I also think like you, what if I just stopped at one, how different my life would be.

I’m so sorry. That sounds really tough. Have you got much support? X

I do need to stop looking so far into the future x

None whatsoever anymore. I mean i have a 17 year old who helps when he can but my mum is too elderly now. Waiting on a social services assessment soon.

Try not to. My DS started school in nappies and i don't think he had a clue why he was there. He did maimstream primary with a 1 to 1 TA and then a specialised base for secondary school.
He is 18, he passed his driving test. He does struggle with a lot of things and I don 't know whether he will work full time, but he has plans for his future.

Really hope that you get some support soon. It must be really hard with it all on you. Sending love

wow he’s done so well. Did he have a speech or learning delay when he started school?

I can't remember if anything was diagnosed, but he was definately delayed. He got an adhd diagnosis before the autism one.

Great that he’s been able to pass his driving test and done so well.

My DS is progressing slowly so I really hope he catches up at some point.