AIBU to ask for suggestions to keep up with the neighbours?

[StayGoldenPonyGirl]

Unfortunately, I do not have:

• 4 daughters under 12 who have dedicated their summer holidays to hourly competitions on who can scream the loudest (and associated rehearsals)

• a super charged motorbike that gets started around 6.30 am, revved a few times then left to idle and splutter for 10 minutes before speeding off the estate

• a partner who walks up and down the street at all hours talking endlessly on speaker phone using his outside voice

• A dog that never gets walked and yaps constantly in the garden from 6am to 11pm

• Teenage sons who have tons of mates that drop them home anywhere between 11pm and 4am and play a few tunes nice and loud with the windows down and always give between 5 and 25 pips of the horn to say bye

So please, tell me, how can I keep up with my neighbours? What should be my thing?

1. DRUM KIT
2. COCKERELL
3. ELECTRIC LAWN MOWER/ STRIMMER.
4. HAMMER DRILL
5. GARDEN BONFIRE.

A screaming toddler, pizza oven on the hottest days of the year creating thick smoke, screaming at your children because you're terrible parents

Would you like to borrow my 2 year old and 3 month old?

I can second the cockerel. But it will wake you up at 4am too, of course. Our old neighbour had two of the bastards that used to try to outdo each other. It was torture.

Also bagpipes - another torture. Drums?

It's warm weather and people are sleeping with their windows open. You need to go outside and shout 'Bye! Next time we'll come to you!" loudly to each other at 2am, and slam your car doors several times just so everyone knows you're definitely leaving. Or for better effect play a tractor engine sound effect really loudly so it sounds like you're getting in a taxi instead.

Call the police, whenever they do any of these things and say you've heard a disturbance. Every single time.

Become a childminder and teach them all bagpipes/accordian/tuba/Tibetan throat singing/yodelling.

Borrow / buy a hot tub and have loud raucous sex parties.

Haha, I wrote a poem about this recently when my neighbours were driving me mental.

The beeping drives me crazy
It makes me fucking mad
And just don’t get me started
On next door’s shouty Dad

The kids are screaming loudly
The wind chimes clang and cling
No-one told me earlier
I’d hear each bloody thing

They’re having a loud barbecue
The smoke goes on my clothes
Assault my ears each single day
And now they’ve got my nose

Thud thud thud. There goes the bass
It’s 10am my dear
A brand new build housing estate
With thirty neighbours near

Look here come the motorbikes
A makeshift cycle track
Vrooming, zooming up and down
I think I’ll turn to crack

I second the bagpipes.

That has to be a job opportunity, for bagpipers to travel the country delivering karma to noisy neighbours.

I think we have the same neighbours 🤔

We must live on the same road. You have just described my neighbours perfectly, including that dam annoying bike, which gets wheeled down to near my house to start, because he doesn't want wake his own household up....😡

I'd go passive aggressive tutting.

Did your NDN ever say anything to you? or apologise about his noisy dog?

Honestly I'd be out there on my drive having a little word with him. That's beyond selfish.

I've tried, unfortunately by the time I've stirred from my slumber and jumped (?) Out of bed and made myself half decent he's gone...

Oh, that has made me angry, selfish bastards!

I have one that often stops almost outside my house in the car, leaves it running and has phone calls with the car speakers turned up to 11. It's not even juicy gossip or an affair, it's just work nonsense, no reason he couldn't just go in his house a few doors down and speak on the phone at a normal volume. It's actually quite violating being looped into a work meeting when I'm just getting up.

Just wow. 🙄