I recently discovered I don’t have the family I thought I had. I don’t know where to even start without this being really long so the TLDR is that my sister has done some unforgivable things to me in the past and recently facilitated the entire family concealing her daughters wedding from me while they all continued talking to me every other week, like nothing was going on. As far as I’m aware, there was nothing I had done to warrant this treatment. Years ago I nursed my mum through terminal illness only a few months after being in intensive care myself and carried the family through some of its darkest days while in ill health. I abandoned my own recovery from major surgery and a series of embolisms to become a full time carer so that the rest of the family could get on with their own lives with as little disruption as possible. After my mum died I asked my sister to keep safe some of my belongings while I was moving house and when I asked for them back was told she didn’t have them and didn’t know where they were. I was expected to just accept my things were gone and not question it. My feelings were met with indifference and disinterest. I suspect they were thrown away like rubbish, because they weren’t important to her then in her mind they should not be important to me either. I forgave this lack of respect for my belongings and moved on. Life’s too short etc. My sister was always asking our mum for money because her spending was out of control and our mum enabled it for years. A few months after our mum died my sister started asking me for money claiming she had nobody else to ask now our mum was gone and was struggling. Because she was my sister and I was concerned about her ability to keep a roof over her children’s heads, I loaned her my credit card so that she could cover her mortgage repayments and essential bills at the very least. She promptly used my card to pay for exclusive days out for her work colleagues and family takeaways, blowing hundreds every month putting a show on for her friends at my expense. After two repayments she started avoiding me and I had to ask her for the money. She then walked off to a debt charity to clear her own debts and left me to sort her mess out and pay back the additional hundreds she spent on my card, knowing I had no means to repay it as I was on disability benefits. Again I was met with indifference and disinterest. Again I forgave her appalling lack of respect for me and spent years paying her debt back and trashing my own credit file in the process. I then decided to move away for a new start and although we didn’t see each other for a few years I kept in regular contact on the phone every other week and I shared everything that was happening with my life as usual. Every time I visited our mums grave I sent pictures of her flowers to my sister which she gratefully accepted, even though she actually lives near the cemetery and I'm over 10 miles away but doesn’t visit the grave herself. She has never called or visited me apart from one occasion where I had to pay her, her husband and my nieces taxi fares there and back, but I still kept a window of communication open because she’s my sister, although it felt very one sided. A few weeks ago an envelope appeared out of nowhere on my doormat containing wedding photos from my nieces wedding with an ‘oh by the way’ style note attached. I didn’t have a clue what was going on, we had talked regularly all along and not one word was mentioned about her daughter getting married. We had only spoken a couple of days before. I then realised that in the background there were Christmas decorations so this must have happened months ago at the end of last year and was kept from me. I then discovered that my aunt (whose sister I nursed around the clock) was at this wedding and also carried on watsapping me regularly after being instructed by my sister and niece not to say anything to me. The photos were carefully curated so that I wouldn’t be able to see any guests that were present. I was devastated. I have known for years that my sister had very little respect for me but to discover her children (who I got in debt trying to keep a roof over the heads of) also had no respect for me, and my lovely kindly aunt who I always trusted had gone along with a year long deception knowing full well I was being shut out of the family and treated as a low priority afterthought, was crushing. I wasn’t even worried about not being invited but to discover that I had been deliberately excluded from even being told about it felt massively disrespectful to me after all I did for the family looking after our mum. I sat alone in the hospice room holding her hand at the end. Nobody saw what I saw in those last moments and I’ll be tormented by what I witnessed until my own passing, I even protected the family from having to go through that. When I expressed how hurt I was that I wasn’t even told, they all closed ranks and treated me as the problem. They had all been playing happy families behind my back the last year and colluding with each other to keep me shut out, but me calling them out was the problem. I was gaslit and shut down by all of them, my sister in a desperate attempt to cover up the timeline pretended the wedding had only just happened and my aunt completely dismissed my heartbreak as a ‘personal issue’ she wasn’t getting involved with. I feel completely betrayed and cast out by my whole family. All this went on behind my back for at least a year in the planning and my whole family were involved in keeping me shut out and treated like an outsider on the orders of my sister and niece. All this may have started innocently in them not wanting to have an awkward conversation with me a year ago about me not being invited, but I wasn’t even worried about that. It’s the not even being told that hurts so much and the rest of the family being involved in a corporate scale deception to control how much I was allowed to know, how much I was allowed to see, and how hurt I am allowed to feel. After repeated examples of really disrespectful treatment I have now gone no contact with my sister and her family as I can see the same toxic dynamic that allowed her to financially abuse her own sibling years ago has trickled down to her children also having no respect for me. I’ve kept the door open to my aunt because she was always kind to me before this and I can see she was put in an impossible situation, even though as a family elder she could have said No, I’m not doing this. But I just can’t get past how hurtful the whole situation has been. Our mum would have been the first person to have refused to go along with this and I feel like the only person honouring her principles and morals. She would be literally turning in her grave at the way I’ve been treated so callously. My aunt claims she doesn’t want to be dragged into this but she really allowed herself to be dragged into it a year ago when she agreed to go along with it. The wider family has no idea the things my sister did to me in the past. The niece who has now turned on me has no idea the debt I got in to keep a roof over her head when she was younger. Do I have any right to feel so hurt at this latest episode of ‘let’s slap ComputerSaidNo in the face’? Am I the problem for refusing to just slip away quietly and accept their behaviour?