SIL makes 0 effort with me

[FancyTaupeBiscuit]

She is nice to me when I see her, and as far as I know she doesn't have any sort of problem with me. I know she isn't forced to be friends with me, I just feel a little disappointed.
From what I've seen she was very good friends with his ex and they all spent time together as a group, but those two were also close friends and went for coffees and stuff together.

I've tried to suggest that the 4 of us go out (with her fiancé too) to my fiancé but nothing ever materialises. We attended a meal for her birthday earlier in the year and I got her a gift and card, recently it was my birthday and she didn't acknowledge it at all by even saying happy birthday or anything.

I graduated and his parents said congratulations on social media, she said nothing.

My partner claims she can be a bit 'stroppy' sometimes and has her own issues going on, I'll try to not take it personally. I feel a bit disappointed but there's nothing I can do, I can't force things. Has anyone else had this?

Oh lord 😂

Can only go by what you've written!

I have nothing to do with any of my SIL’s. We’re polite when we have to see each other but otherwise we have nothing in common and no reason to spend any time together.

Right so you've somehow decided we 'got engaged quickly' based on thin air.

You do sound quite young to be fair. Nothing wrong with that but your posts are telling us maybe you've been with him a couple of years and you're in your early/mid 20s. Life is too short to worry about not going for a coffee with your boyfriend's sister. It sounds like she's nice to you when you see her and his parents are too, all sounds good don't deep it too much and ruin things!

Sorry obviously it doesn't matter to you but in her shoes maybe she's already been through at least one "ex" she might not want to get involved until its legal. Or maybe she's just not the kind of person who socialises much with her brother. Or maybe she got her fingers burnt with the last ex.

Who knows but I think you're wise to not take it personally.

It sounds like that based on the fact you're still thinking about his ex...

Is she declining all invites or is your partner not passing them on?
If she is declining it may have nothing to do with you or her, her partner could hate her brother. They could honestly be busy or just dislike double dates, they might not have the spare cash for meals out, basically there's a hundred different reasons why she doesn't want the close relationship that you do.

Hi,

I think the best thing to do here is chalk it up to 'one of those things.' In an ideal world, you and she would be close, but in this instance she is choosing not to make much effort and there is nothing you can or ought to do about it.

In cases like these, I see the lay of the land and adjust accordingly. Always be pleasant, say happy birthday and merry Christmas, always be open and welcoming but no more than that. Do not try, do not make special effort hoping it will be reciprocated. Just be yourself.

You know the score now, she doesn't want to be close particularly, so you forget it now and get on with your own life. People can be funny sometimes, but you always need your own life to be getting on with regardless of other people.

It’s a crude phrase, but apt in the circumstances.

’Friendships are like farts. If you have to force it, it’s probably shit!’

You refer to a recent graduation - assuming you are not a mature student, that puts you under 25.

You refer to an ex in the way that implies it was a serious relationship (for the SIL to have a good relationship wither her). Therefore your boyfriend has had 2 serious relationships and if same as you, also under 25. That is 2 serious relationships in quick succession.

Anyone engaged under 25 is engaged young. Nothing wrong with that - but it is young.

If you are a mature student and are both 50 - fabulous - crack on!

Why should she go out of her way to be friends with you? It's a strange presumption that she should.

You bought her a present because you were joining her for her birthday celebration - a meal out.

She was not part of your birthday celebration, so she did not.

My brother had 4 or 5 long term partners before he married my SIL. I couldn't be arsed getting to know any of them after the first - you invest, you become friends then WHOOSH, it's all gone because they split up. I was polite but didn't try to get close after that.

Possibly your SIL-to-be learnt the same lesson.

Unless you had anything to do with the break up, it's on her. Sadly siblings often aren't close when they grow up, but it's not like it's you causing it by not encouraging them to meet, so don't blame yourself.

So she isnt actually your SIL yet? Wait till after you are married, she might behave differently. I wouldnt push it now though.

Why won't you say how long you've been dating her brother OP?