AIBU to consider moving my daughter to another primary school?

[Livefreely]

I have a DD in Y5, she has been at her current school since Y2 when we moved counties. To cut a long story short, she’s very reserved, takes a long time to warm up socially but is getting more confident as she gets older.
she hasn’t really found her tribe and seems to gravitate to quieter children and when younger struggled with louder more gregarious children. She had 2 friends at school but for the past year they have really not been good friends at all, often leaving her out, whispering etc. she feels other groups are very cliquey so she’s trapped with playing with these girls otherwise she will have nobody to play with. Those are her words.

I know this is part and parcel of childhood but my concern is around the fact she’s not learning about what good friendships are and almost accepting of poor behaviour and having few friends. I then think about secondary school and worry even more.

there is another school nearby which has a space and she knows a girl there and me and DH think it would be a better environment and at least get her away from these girls. DD isn’t sure. She says ‘current school is good apart from friends issue’

AIBU to push her to change school?

If going into Y6 in Sept, I wouldn’t propose changing. Will secondary school be the same one either way?

Year 5/6 is full of this sort of behaviour among girls. It could be hard to integrate and build better friendships relying on a single friend to help.

I wouldnt because its so close to transition to secondary.

There's no right answer to this. I'm very sorry your DD is unhappy and this will be doing her no good at all. I wouldn't send my child into that environment. At the same time, if she is the kind of child who struggles socially, she might well struggle at the new school too. It might be worth talking to the pastoral care lead at both schools and see where that takes you.

a) Y5 is horrible for girl friendships

More usefully:
b) Where is she likely to go for secondary?
If she will go to the same secondary from either school, it’s worth thinking about how that will play out in Year 7. Yes, she may have developed some new friendships in her new school, but the old ‘mean girls’ will perceive her as having ‘run away’, and therefore potentially as a target for bullying. If, on the other hand, the new school is a feeder for a separate secondary, this ‘early new start’ may be positive.

All friendships tend to ‘reset’ at the start of secondary. It can mean that children are reluctant to take on new friendships in Y6, knowing they will change again in Y7.

Do you know whether the one girl DD knows is already part of an established friendship group? It is unlikely that she will forsake this in favour of your DD, and may not wish to put in the effort to integrate your DD into the wider circle (upper KS2 children are, ime, stunningly self-centred).

How are the schools matched academically? Y6 is a LOT of SATs prep, and if the general level is lower or higher than your existing school, this may not be well-pitched for your DD, whose level and areas of weakness / strength may be less well known

Altogether, I would move a deeply unhappy child to a school matching her academic ability, where the onward secondary is a common destination for all of her classmates. I would not move a vaguely unhappy child to a school where the academic level is very different and / or she will go to the same secondary as now but with few new classmates.

You know your child best but of course it's not unreasonable to consider all of the available options, why would you dismiss without proper thought?

As PP said it’s a truly dreadful age for friendships, girls and boys. I have 3 teens and both DS and DDs had fall outs and periods of minor bullying to be frank at that age. It gets better as they get older but it’s always on/off with girls ime…

I’d never move a child in year 6 unless forced.

’cliquey’ Is a strange word for a 9 year old to use

Sounds standard for year 5 girls, I'd leave her. It might sort itself out next year.