AIBU to feel disappointed by my partner as a father?

[ange1908]

Is anyone else just disappointed with how their “ partner “ is as a father? We have a nearly 2 year old and despite many repetitive conversations about how I feel he doesn’t do enough either in terms of housework, for our daughter or even for me in our relationship, nothing seems to change.

we made the decision for me to be a SAHM, and return to work when our daughter is 3. I pretty much do everything for her ( which I am more than happy to do) it’s how little he does that annoys me, he is lazy and just overall incompetent. I don’t really know where to go from here, but I’m so drained with feeling constantly let down all the time and feeling like I have 2 children rather than one. I feel bad for my daughter too as I feel he gives so very little to her and his phone is more important than anything else.

Return to work.
Do not get pregnant again.
Start making plans to go it alone.
One child is a lot easier than two.
He's a selfish loser.
They don't change.
Start planning, and suit yourself.

What job does he have, what hours does he work, do you have examples of what he fails to do?

Get back to work and get out of the relationship. Tell him clearly he is a disappointment as a partner and father and you wont tolerate it.

i shared maternity leave with my dh 16 years ago. I went back to work for the last three months of her first year full time and he was at home doing all the parenting, housework and cooking. I have never had the issue of him lazy at home or not parenting equally. Get back to work. You are not equal if you are reliant on him.

Becoming a SAHM has probably contributed to this dynamic, as you are both now taking on traditional roles, which for a lot of people means all house and child stuff belongs to the woman.

What was your partner like before you had a child, were household chores shared equally?

This.

There's little else to say other than offer empathy that it must be difficult, and feel disappointing. He doesn't want to engage, or he would. None of these tasks such as childcare or chores at home are beyond him, he just doesn't want to do them and thinks you can/should. He knows you how are feeling, and suffering because you have told him multiple times, but that hasn't evoked any emotional response or support from him - it never will if it hasn't already.

This.

He is useless and he won't change so you need to make plans to get on with your life without him.

You should be doing everything for your daughter. Youre the stay at home parent. He shouldn't be doing any housework. And a two year old isn't the same as a two month old, you're not glued to their side 247. I think you're reaching a bit with the whole "doesn't do enough around the house" bit. A lot of men don't really engage with very young children. That's our job.i think you're being a bit precious. Rhe phone thing is bad, but if you're on his back the moment he gets home then maybe he's trying to get some distance.