I live in a shared house which is owner-occupied. The rent is affordable, the location is perfect for me (close to family and my boyfriend), and overall it has been a good living situation.
I pay my rent, but I spend most nights at my boyfriend’s. I probably sleep at the house once a month. I mainly use the house for working from home, meal prepping, showering, and having my own space when needed. My boyfriend and I have been together less than a year, and although we spend a lot of time together, I don’t feel ready to move in with him yet. I like having my own independence and somewhere that is mine.
The owner of the house is genuinely lovely, hardworking, polite and respectful. The other male housemate is also great. They both work away, so most of the time it is just myself and the owner’s girlfriend in the house (we are both in our mid twenties).
She is a student nurse, very active, plays lots of sport, and we don’t overlap a huge amount. I always thought she was lovely and we got along well. I have listened to her talk about her relationship, difficult weeks, grief, family issues etc, and I’ve always tried to be supportive.
Recently she had a difficult week because she missed her boyfriend, so I suggested we go for a walk together at the weekend to keep her occupied. During the walk, I briefly mentioned that my boyfriend and I had our first proper argument on Friday. It was a significant thing for me because it was our first big disagreement, but I don’t feel I was ranting or constantly complaining. The conversation probably lasted 15-20 minutes of a two-hour+ walk, and then we moved on. She asked questions and gave good advice, which I appreciated.
Today she was using the office to do a call as part of a fitness challenge she is partaking in, which I normally use when working from
home. I had no issue with this at all, it’s her partner’s house, and I completely understand she would have priority. On her way out, she said the office was free and I was welcome to use it. She still had some stuff on the desk, including an OPEN notepad which had my name written in it twice (I assume this was accidental and used during the call). I know I shouldn’t have looked at the pages and just closed it, but curiosity got the better of me when I seen my name!
What I saw has honestly upset me. One entry was about where she feels she lowers her standards to avoid making other people uncomfortable. She wrote that she thinks she does this with me, that she struggles to redirect me respectfully, and that she feels she has a superiority complex towards me (and another friend).
Another entry was about where she complains about other people’s behaviour but still rewards them with her time, and she mentioned me talking about my partner.
I was really surprised and hurt by this. This was the first time I had ever opened up to her about anything negative regarding my relationship. When I mention my boyfriend, it is usually positive things.
What upset me most was the comment about feeling superior. I feel like I have always been kind to her. I listen to her problems, reassure her, celebrate her wins, and support her. For her birthday, she told us we were celebrating it and she wanted a cake, so I went out of my way to buy her a gift and organise a cake.
I know she is allowed to have private thoughts and I also know I shouldn’t have read something that wasn’t meant for me. I’m not planning on confronting her, especially because her boyfriend owns the house and I don’t want to create awkwardness.
However, I do feel hurt and I’m now questioning whether I should keep engaging as much as I have. Part of me feels like the one time I went out of my way to spend time with her and support her, I ended up being discussed negatively afterwards.