How can I help my Year 6 daughter avoid friendship drama?

[Girldrama]

Can anyone guide me on girl drama as they get older please? Sorry for using this term but that’s what all the mums are talking about so I’m using their term.

DD is in year 6 and so far lots of dramas. The only one directly relating to her is of 2 girls telling her to go up to a boy and say sexual things to him. DD never told me but school called me and made me aware due to safeguarding they had to investigate as she said these things. This happened in September and school sorted it. School also said upon questioning her she didn’t understand what the words meant but just did what she was told by the girls. This is one thing of a list of things which they suggested that she might have ADHD. She’s very young for her age.

So just using this example a mum told me about this yesterday! So she said she heard my daughter said this, It brought back all the memories and things I felt were sorted came back up. Her daughter was not involved but she obviously heard it from the other mums who are talking about my child. Maybe the boys mum told others I don’t know.

The same mum told me hundreds of stories of other dramas going on with the other kids. TBH I zoned out for a while and I know this may sound strange to some but I don’t really care of the dramas going on unless they directly affect my child so I didn’t even retain in my brain half of what she said but last night it kept playing in my mind as I was trying to sleep some of the things she said. I know she was coming from a good place but why dig up all that about my daughter when the year is almost over!

I think what I’m looking for is how do I make sure my DD isn’t involved in anything drama related and how can I guide her during these years? I don’t have a mum or sisters I can confide in so please can you give me advice you would give your own daughters, granddaughters, nieces etc. how should I have reacted when this mum told me? How can I get DD to open up to me about the nasty things these girls say to her? She’s very naive and just goes along with what others say

I’m just trying to process my feelings and I think I felt shame when she told me what she heard my daughter repeat to this boy, I know my shame is misplaced and I should be feeling intense anger at the two girls not shame but I feel the mums are talking about DD and how I must be a bad mother to teach my child these words. I can’t exactly put them straight and say x and y actually told her to say these things. I just want primary school to be over but I know secondary will be worse so what do I do?

I think the main thing is to try to build a relationship with your daughter where she knows that no matter what she can tell you anything about anything. That you are in her corner.

If she has a phone make sure you check it.

I’d also try to stay away from gossipy mothers - silly cow!

And you absolutely could tell her x and y put her up to it.

She doesn’t have a phone. She uses my iPad to play games but no device of her own. I just feel why drag it all up now and make me paranoid that people still talking about it? Seriously I had forgotten about it and she brought it all up

I kind of think she did it to protect me? But a part thinks why now.

I very much doubt it.

"Drama" is usually a term used to belittle or trivialise another person's concerns; in this case putting your child down. Your DD did nothing wrong, she's very young, she was being led by other kids.

I think you need to be very clear to ALL adults that you have your daughter's back and her welfare and happiness is your priority. I hope the school did an investigation into the kids who told her to say those things? And yes, you can at least tell anyone who asks that your daughter was coerced into it and that as it wasn't your child's fault you wont be discussing it any more.

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Honestly, does your dd enjoy being involved in the dramas?

My eldest dd was often involved, probably because she enjoys drama. She didn’t always like what happened - but it didn’t stop her getting (heavily) involved the next time. To be honest, she still likes a bit of drama (now in her mid 20s).

My second dd just walked away from anything remotely dramatic.

My third dd, however, hated drama, but wasn’t able to walk away. Sometimes we did have to help her navigate situations. She’s 19 now, still hates drama, but knows how to deal with tricky situations. But it took her most of her secondary school life to get to this point. Although we helped her discuss issues, ultimately she had to learn to cope on her own. Because, by secondary school, parents involvement rarely smooths things.

@Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies she doesn’t realise she’s involved in anything tbh. She’s very easily led. She doesn’t understand when someone is being mean to her just an example to show this: at a recent birthday party she wanted to put on a hairband which has a pink strip of hair and she wore it and a group of girls said to her “love your hair and (name)” and started laughing really loudly. They didn’t realise I was still there helping the party mum and I said “(main child name who made comment) you’re right it’s so pretty isn’t it”. Her face went bright red and she walked away!

DD still doesn’t realise they were being nasty and though they genuinely liked it and she even suggested buying one of them same one for their birthday.

@distinctpossibility think you posted in wrong thread! Nice dresses though

Klaxon alert. Have you considered having her assessed for autism?

In all seriousness she may be autistic she may not be. It's your relationship with her that really counts so that she will trust you and listen to you. Endlessly talking things thru in a non judgemental way with her , if she wants. Keeping friendly with mums, keeping an eye on her phone when she gets one.