Partner went for an "afternoon pint" and came home needing to be put to bed having taken magic mushrooms

[ByRoseSheep]

I'm not sure what my AIBU question is here but I'm incredibly concerned

This is INCREDIBLY unlike my partner. He goes out a handful of times a year, usually in the afternoon for a few pints and is back in the evening. I'm completely and utterly stunned.

We did magic mushrooms together once 3 years ago. It was a pre-planned thing. We were early 20s at the time and didn't have any responsibilities. We'd made sure we were both off work the next day, and ensured we were in a safe environment. It was relatively harmless, we watched a film together and had a laugh, slept it off and that was that. Though overall the time we did magic mushrooms together was okay, he did present a bit of paranoia about a neighbour getting a parcel delivered. I'd taken a smaller dose than him and had to reassure him and sort of babysit him. After that we agreed it had been a one-off bucket list thing whilst young and that we had 0 interest in doing it again, especially since we had future plans involved building careers and having a family.

We also had a conversation again when I got pregnant with our planned baby that we'd never take the risk of anything like that ever again as the risk of having a bad reaction and resulting mental health issues is far too great when we have a child. He usually really has his shit together and is going for a promotion and we're in the middle of a mortgage application.

I'm now 8 months pregnant. He mentioned that his workmates had invited him out to watch the match tonight. He's not interested in the football and told me he wasn't going to bother. A bit later on he said he may just pop out for a few pints and enjoy the sun and he back for dinner. He booked his taxi, went off at about 3pm and I didn't think anything of it.

6pm I get a text saying "In the taxi on my way home." I replied and told him I'd done dinner. Honestly didn't think anything of it. He then said "When I get in put me to bed". I was shocked because I hadn't expected him to get drunk, he works at 7am tomorrow in quite a dangerous role that involves driving heavy machinery and they have a rule that you can't be drunk within a certain time period prior to a shift, and they do occasional drug and alcohol urine tests on employees without prior notice. I asked him how many pints he'd had an he replied saying "mushroom".

I let him in the house and he was laughing and giggling and started hugging me and saying sorry. I had to push him off me because he was unsteady on his feet and I was scared he'd fall on me and the bump. He told me "It's just about to kick in". I supervised him into bed and have now left him to it.

I am so fucking angry at him and feel like an absolute mug. This really is so unlike him, I cannot believe it. How can he be so stupid? What if I were to go into labour? What if he gets urine tested tomorrow and sacked? I'm incredibly stressed. We have no food in the house and I had been planning to go and get some but now I can't leave him. I'm hoping he stays asleep but I know usually on mushrooms you can't sleep. I'm concerned he will get up and start wandering around the house.

I feel like such a fucking mug for never considering that he would do this. I honestly don't think he's lied and pre-planned it, I think the stupid twat has been taken in by peer pressure from "the lads". I can't believe I'm pregnant by someone like this. I feel like once he comes round he's going to play it down. I had our health visitor appointment the other day and she had asked a general box-ticking question about whether anyone in the home is a drug user and I'd said no with no hesitation and now I feel like a liar. I'm devastated.

There's very sound advice here OP. Mostly, don't bear the weight. He's unlikely to come to harm.

There is virtually no comedown the next day with K unless you take a huge amount. Coke is terrible but thankfully it does shit all for me in terms of getting high, so I avoid it.

I would find something to distract him from any paranoia and keep him entertained. Ie put some good music on. Light a candle. Give him interesting objects to play with. Try not to stress out as he’ll feed off it. If you can’t handle it, get one of his druggy friends over.

I’m not sure what the harm is in letting him wander around the house or why his first thought was that he needs to be put to bed. Deal with the fallout tomorrow once he’s come down.

I wouldn’t like this either so I don’t think YABU to be pissed off but this bit struck me: “I can’t believe I’m pregnant by someone like this”. I think it’s an overreaction, and I think it’s your pregnancy hormones driving it. It’s natural for you to be overthinking everything at the moment, to ensure that your little one comes home to a safe environment.

I’d leave him to it tonight and then speak with him when he’s sober about what an idiot he was.

Anecdotally, a few of my friend’s husbands did weird shit before they had their first baby. One of them went out and got so drunk that they threw up, shat themselves and sort of smeared it everywhere. I think there might be a part of him that saw this as his last night out without the responsibility of being a father, which is at odds with how you feel, as being so heavily pregnant you already feel that responsibility.

I think it's the spontaneous nature of if that's really pissing me off. I get mushrooms isn't exactly heroin or cocaine but we did have an understanding about it. I'd have at least appreciated a text stating "X has bought mushrooms and I think I might have some." so I could've prepared myself. I don't know. The heat and pregnancy has had me floored all day with headaches but I've still had housework to do and I'm just fed up. Hearing about it from a text when he's 5 mins away in the taxi and not knowing what state to expect him in was stressful. I expect he's taken more than last time when we did it together judging by how he looked.

He came downstairs for food just now and he's going on about how our baby's 4D scan image that we have stuck to the fridge is freaking him out. He's irritating the shit out of me. I'm keeping myself on the sofa and leaving him to it unless he does something dangerous. I still don't feel confident to leave the house after last time when he tried to set off fireworks in the road as "a signal" and developed a paranoia about our neighbour and tried to go over to her house to confront her.

Mushroom chocolate is very in at the moment. Loads of people in our village bars and pubs are taking it out and offering it. Could it be that he’s had that?

I would sort myself out, leave him to it and tell him tomorrow where you stand with it

Not the point of the thread, but how come you are 8 months pregnant and "no food in the house"?!

I'm sorry you are going through this with this useless man in your life OP.

I would leave him to it. He's a grown man. You aren't his mum. In fact I would probably do what pp suggested, book a local travel lodge and have an evening of air conditioned comfort. He can manage his own protein intake.

Well we just ran out. I'd planned to go out and do the weekly shop tonight but I'm housebound now as I don't trust my partner to not go outside.

Mushroom chocolate is very in at the moment

Which I why I prefer my own small rolled joint.

You never know what you're going to get when you take edibles, or sniff it

I'm just worried about leaving him to it in case he develops the same paranoia about the neighbour as he did when we did mushrooms together 3 years ago. She had a parcel delivered and he was convinced it could be a "message" for him. She was then sat in her front garden sunbathing and he was convinced she was waiting for him to come and collect the special package. He kept spying on her out of the window. I wasn't as shit-faced as him so I prevented him from going as I knew he'd look insane. I put a trippy film on which distracted him and the night after that was fine but if I hadn't intervened he'd have 100% gone and spoken to her.

I can't risk him going out and bothering anyone. It wouldn't be a good look especially when all our neighbours know I'm heavily pregnant.

I’ve done mushrooms many years ago now and they do make you paranoid in most cases. I was convinced that the room I was in was split into two and I couldn’t go “over there” to go to the toilet without my partner. I think being paranoid on them is a normal thing I went through all emotions laughing crying paranoid etc. it happens so I wouldn’t worry to much about that. I’d let him sleep it off he can call in sick tomorrow and be done with it. We’ve all made silly mistakes from time to time and that’s okay. He just can’t do it again.

Oh leave him to it. He’s an adult. If you need food, you need food. You shouldn’t be having to babysit him.

You mentioned he went out with workmates? I’d be worried they have set him up. They would know he has the type of job that does routine drug and alcohol testing and that he has work tomorrow. Yet they have offered him drugs. I’d be very cautious about him going to work tomorrow

Are you on shrooms too?

You don't have to babysit him, and I say this as a nearly 60 year old who was part of the rave generation

Leave. If he can choose to take mushrooms without seeking your advice, then he can choose to deal with the trip without getting your help.

And, he'll be fine. People on mushrooms rarely do anything stupid, they're just a right pain in the arse.

Additionally, on the one hand he's betrayed your trust, but on the other hand he did actually get himself in a taxi and get himself home before it all got ridiculous. Once the effects have worn off, a sensible conversation about how we don't do this now we've got kids (a kid on the way) is probably the way to go. He might have just been blowing it out of his arse before the big event and it could've got a bit away from him on top of the beer.

And if you're worried about what the neighbours might think, just tell them he's got a bad urine infection and is a bit confused. That might also be what he / you tell the boss when he / you phones in sick.

I tried them in the 80s. I had a couple of really cool experience, mostly watching ants, crawling in and out of some old brickwork. Then I had a paranoid experience and gave them up.

He's gone quiet now. I'm in the living room and he's in the kitchen with the door between us shut. He keeps opening the door ajar, sticks his head round to check on me and then shuts the door again without saying anything. I'm sure my clear disdain for him is probably making him anxious but I can't bring myself to be nice to him. He could get out through the back garden gate if he wanted so I'll have to listen out.

Force him to call in sick tomorrow so he can’t get sacked.

When he’s sobered up, tell him he’s a fucking idiot when you could go into labour any time and if there’s any more schenanigans like that you’ll be thinking twice about putting him on the birth cert

I'm sure my clear disdain for him is probably making him anxious but I can't bring myself to be nice to him.

In your first post you said you were worried about his mental health from having a bad experience but now you're OK with making him anxious.

Yes, you have stuff to talk about but he's tripping right now. It'll have to wait.

You have no right to say you're pissed off he could damage his mental health if you don't seem to care about it either.

I would suggest trying to have a bit of care towards him just now, and then have a adult conversation when he's sober.

Making him feel shit when he's tripping is pretty cruel IMO.

I can see why you're pissed off and I would be too in your position. I think if it was me, I'd be tempted to go stay somewhere else just so I could be away from him and the potential stress of him skulking around all night having paranoid delusions. Why don't you book a nice hotel room with air conditioning, get some treats and go chill out away from him. Let him deal with the fallout of his stupid selfish actions.

Also be aware, it's not unusual for men to go off the rails just before their partner gives birth, in a sort of fit of sowing wild oats that the woman, of course, never gets to do. Watch he doesn't try and turn this around on you and make it seem like you're trapping him into fatherhood before he's ready. He put the baby in you on purpose, he can grow up and be the kind of father you don't have to lie to the health visitor about.

Op this is really shit for you

However, I'm hoping I can reassure you. My DH did this when I was pregnant with our first, 21 years ago, I was fucking furious!! We were young, around 22 at the time. He has NEVER done it again and all is well, still happily married.

I think this will be OK

I understand your feelings though

If he's driving tomorrow and kills someone, it'll be a lot less funny than some people seem to think.

Isn't it only old people that a urine infection affects them that way?