AIBU to take my five-year-old out with CRUSTED chickenpox scabs when it’s hot?

[WingingItFTM]

(Ex)partner says I cannot take 5yr old out for pre-planned trip tomorrow due to him having crusted over chicken pox scabs (we are 13 days in) and says he will get scarred in the sun.

Details;

• 5yr old is 13 days into chickenpox and has been off school
• the blisters ARE all crusted over. No one is disputing this so he is definitely not contagious
• My child and I have a pre-planned trip tomorrow due a local attraction with my brother. The visit costs a little over £100 and is non refundable
• the trip was agreed with my partner in advance
• today (day before the trip) he has said we can’t go due to the crusted scabs being exposed to the sun
• he has sent me pages of information from AI in multiple text messages across the day
• when i stopped responding he has sent a pages long email with the same content
• i have said i will obviously provide a sun hat, factor 50 cream with top ups and keep child out of the sun between 11-3. I have been told this is not acceptable
• seperately, I have phoned 111 and they say they have said they have no advice/guidance on chicken pox scabs and the sun

some wider context (so no drip feed):

• (ex) partner has a history of emotional, verbal and, to some extent, financial abuse
• I asked to leave the relationship 14 months ago and we attended mediation.
• we are still living together- with our son - as he refuses to sell the house without renovating the bathroom first but has made no attempt to do so
• i have got quotes in for the bathroom works but he just ignores my messages or finds excuses not to progress
• currently in a solicitor exchange which is likely leading to me taking him to court to force a sale

I am being unreasonable: Of course you shouldn’t take your child out once they have crusted over scabs when it’s hot

I am not being unreasonable: there is no NHS guidance on this. Take sensible precautions and go out and enjoy your day. It is another example of control

He is making up an excuse to stop your fun. I don’t believe he is concerned about scarring at all.

Will any of the spots be exposed to the sun? My only concern would be that the sun could damage the new, sensitive skin underneath the crusts. It really depends on how much the crusted over spots will be exposed? Sun cream could also irritate the spots.

I don't think your ex-partner is necessarily acting out if concern for your child, given his history. However, he may have a point, that sun exposure could cause scarring.

Maybe someone with some medical knowledge might come along with some proper advice.

Of course it’s fine once they are crusted over and he is comfortable and feeling ok to go out

Some spots will be visible but I would be using a hypoallergenic factor 50 cream
the spots came in 2 waves so most of the spots on the face are pretty much healed.
there were never many spots on the arms
the legs do have some spots
the back and torso will obviously be covered
the 2nd wave of spots was on the feet - which will be covered

Just to add that we have already agreed that our child will be going back to school on Monday

they have been temperature free for at least 6 days and are full of energy

as mentioned the nhs doesn’t have any guidance regarding this - i phoned 111 to check

Keep him out of the sun as much as possible, otherwise the new skin will either get burnt easily or irritated.

Is the kiddo with you currently, or is kiddo with their father and he is refusing to return unless you agree not to go out?

If kid is with you currently, do as you please, ignore your ex.

We all currently live together

If he’s going back to school on Monday his excuse is madness.

Just go, he's being ridiculous. It really is that simple.

You need to get better at shutting this nonsense down and ignoring him. He is not your boss.

I agree
the latest email says ‘perhaps’ he will speak to the school about keeping him in the shade at break times (which is what i am proposing for tomorrow anyway). But it does feel like he’s tagged this on as he realises it doesn’t make sense

He is now threatening to get an emergency prohibited steps order

Let him try. He was threatening on a Saturday to get an emergency order to stop you going out the next day. On what planet?

Is there any way you could take him in loose fitting and lightweight but long trousers and long sleeved shirt? That way there is minimal exposure for scarring and you could assure him that there is no danger (in writing, so you have proof you were totally reasonable)

This is exactly what I have proposed
we have left but he has shouted a lot and says he is phoning to get the order done now

Course he is . Interesting dd had cp during a hot summer and did scar, but she found being outside in a paddling pool comforting.

It's annoying to lose the money. But I really don't think you should go on the trip.

While I am not a legal professional I expect a very dim view will be taken of him applying for that or trying to for this situation.

It’s further evidence of him abusing and controlling you. Have you spoken to a domestic abuse organisation ? Women’s aid ? Because his verbal abuse and threatening to hit you - and his behaviour towards the child is abusive and you may want to get this officially recorded for the future.

This would be my concern. Depending on the number of spots, will you be able to apply sunscreen?

So he is, at 9 am on a Sunday morning for a child with healed up chicken pox I’m so sorry you have to be embroiled with this absolute prick OP.

To be clear he hasn’t threatened to hit me

yes, I have spoken to womans aid on and off since ‘24 and had 6 months of counselling through them.
i’m also waiting on another referral to them

i also phoned the domestic abuse helpline last night and they said there was no reason not to go on the trip

Hope you and your son have a great day.

Turn your phone off and have a lovely day.

Maybe at lunchtime get your brother to use your phone to send a photo of your ds doing something in the shade. So ex is kept informed and you don't have to see any messages. Get your brother to delete any messages that have come in too.

Yes, no problem applying cream.
i have a cotton shirt for over a tshirt and both long trousers and shorts with me
all except about 2 scabs on the face are gone, so very easy to apply cream

Your other half is just trying to control you, sounds like an absolute wanker. Enjoy the day out with DS.