AIBU to keep screen time limits for my 16-year-old?

[Tuxedocatty]

To still have screen time limits for a 16 year old so he’s not tempted to stay on it all night. Talking 11.30 weekends maybe 10.30 college nights. Turned into a massive flashpoint as he sees it as a basic affront to his human rights and is getting very toxic about it

No. He has to learn from his own mistakes and if he’s tired he’s tired.

He'll need to learn to self regulate at some point. 16 is probably the right age for that.

If he can’t regulate himself on a school night then I think that’s fine. Weekends and holidays I wouldn’t be so bothered.

My DC are late teens / very early 20s. For all of them it was around 16 when I started letting them regulate their phone use themselves.

How will he ever learn to self regulate if he's not given the chance?
If you don't turn them off now, when? 18? 21? When he gets married? When he has dc of his own?

I think they have to learn to regulate their own screen time at some point. Maybe have some ground rules. He needs to be able to be up in time to get to school/ college and be able to function. He needs to achieve whatever grades he's capable of. He needs to fit in hobbies/exercise/any household chores/part time job. If he's too tired for these things then there needs to be discussion about how much time he's spending online.

If he has finished GCSEs then its probably the right time.

My 15 year old still has limits and has to hand his phone over at 10pm, but once he has finished GCSEs next year I will let him have free reign although will have expectations in place e.g. getting up for school on time, school work done etc...

Very soon he’ll be old enough to leave home, perhaps go to university or work.

He needs to learn to manage his limits (not just on this) by himself.

What do you think will happen in his first year away from home if it’s the first time HRT had any opportunity to set his own limits? On screen time, on sleep, on food, on studying etc etc etc?

Funnily enough my 16 year old was going through apps on his phone the other day and deleting the ones he no longer needed. He got to parental controls and decided to leave it on (we were in the car at the time so I could hear him talking to himself). I think he likes them. But he's neurodivergent.

We still have loose ones just to encourage less phone time and the phone stays downstairs at night, same as the rest of the family. I'm trying to wean myself off checking his location during the day, as he goes out and about now exams are over. Will definitely reduce controls gradually so he can self regulate more. His older sibling disabled them himself at about age 16.

I have told my 16 yr old that the time she gets free phone use is when she buys her own phone. Until then, it’s 2 hrs a day and off at 10 on school nights and 11 on weekends.

Recent research suggests the frontal cortex doesn’t fully develop until age 25-30. 16 is a mere toddler in terms of cognitive development and risk control/self management. They literally cannot control it. God knows few adults can. Look at us all on our phones before bed!

I tried a week of ‘let’s see if you can self regulate’ during one half term this year. The amount she was on it was scary. Her friends are on them til the small hours. I wouldn’t give her weed or coke or vapes either - why on earth would I fuel this addiction?

op - im with you. Whilever I’m paying for it, screen time will be in place!

He needs to start taking responsibility and making his own decisions

This is my thinking exactly - although other posters’ point about the need to learn to regulate has given me food for thought

16 is too old to still be helicopter parenting. I have a 17 year old and I don’t do this with her.

I think post-exams, over the summer holidays is the perfect time to let them test how good they are at self regulating.

Bear in mind that he could be off to University in two years time. Are you going to be popping up to his halls each night to take his phone?! Independence has to start somewhere!

Interesting question. I have 16yo twins just finished GCSEs. They have been figuring out how to turn off screen time limits for years. So we probably won’t bother with them now, but during study leave and exams we took the phones away sometimes during the day to allow them to focus and always at night.

Now exams are over and they’re on this long summer break obviously not taking them away but I have insisted on their location being on. They’re out and about all over the place and their safety is still my priority.

When they go back to school for A levels in September we’ll review - we’ll probably still have phones out of rooms at night - they’re taking tough A levels and are remaining at school so will have to be in school every morning as usual.

I didn’t get my first smartphone until I was 25 so didn’t learn to self regulate until then and I’m fine. Why does this need to learn have to happen at 16?

16 year olds make bad choices, are still developing, and are prone to utter screen addiction.

I would protect your child for longer OP. 10:30 is hardly a harsh cut off time or overly controlling.