Single mums, tell me how great it is!

[SingleCream]

I have recently become a single mum. Absolutely can’t wait to be shot of my abusive arsehole of an ex.

Please tell me all the little and big pleasures you’ve had since leaving?

Not having in-laws.

Bed to myself.

I'm buying myself flowers whenever I like (currently having some beautiful sunflowers in my kitchen).

I go and see friends when I want to...and nobody moans about it. I invite people round to my house,...and nobody moans about it.

I cook and eat what I like.

I do stuff according to my own timetable, not because he's just decided he wants to do this particular thing right now and I'm meant to drop everything and follow suit. And then moans when I don't want to...yeah,...nope...

Much less drama. My house is somehow tidier, despite two small kids,...

There's still a lot of shit going on. Don't get me wrong. I'm going through a "high conflict divorce", but I'm trying hard not to get entangled in his games and his demands and his accusations. I'm handing a lot of the stuff over to my lawyer. It's what she's getting paid for. She's much calmer and much more knowledgeable in those things than I am,...and that's ok.
My focus is on stabilising life for the kids and myself. He can fuck off to the furthest end of fuck for all I care...

My boys have turned out amazing. They have had first girlfriends and they are kind, caring and lovely to them. They behave appropriately and respectfully when they have been dumped! I don’t think they would have this behaviour and respect with women if I had stayed with their abusive dad.

I had less money as a single parent but what I have has been used exactly how I wanted it.

Eg I prioritised travel with the boys when younger. I have never cared about clothes or looking good so I never spent money on that.

My house is peaceful. No arguments.

They stay in contact with their dad but ultimately it’s me they ring about everything. We are very close.

My life got exponentially easier when he left. The house was calmer, happier. Bedtimes were smoother. Weekends were better. Best decision I ever made.

No more Coronation Street on the telly.
The telly being off most of the time.
The peace.
Food staying in the fridge.
No snoring.
No crisp packets left by the telly.
Putting a bottle of wine in the fridge and there’s some left.
I could probably go on all day….
Enjoy OP!!!

My nervous system regulated and not constantly being thrown off by unexpected nonsense, or braced for the next bout. Therefore kids calmer.
No anticipating what kind of atmosphere was going to be on the other side of the door when I got home.
Less explaining ridiculous adult behaviour to children, and trying to compensate. (still happens but not under my roof).
I know where everything is.
Dinner is what I fancy cooking, or not.
I can spend what I want on what I want, no questions.
Go where I like when I like, no questions.
Bed to myself, go to bed when I like, nobody snoring, or sniffing. Heaven.

The list goes on, but basically it's peace. It's no picnic, there are hard moments, for sure, but overall an excellent decision for me and the DC that I wouldn't change for a second.

Every. Single. Situation was easier better more fun more peaceful. The house tidier, less money spent on nonsense, I had more time even with 2 small kids as not running around cleaning and worrying about egotistical man child. I too went thru the high conflict divorce. Very stressful but still better than actually being abused by someone on the daily.

Worst bits - 50 50 is awful. But then there are upsides to it too like I have a business which I could put 12 hour days into when it needed it and is now very successful. Watch out for mens reactions to you - it isnt pleasant - they seem to think all single mothers want to sleep with them which is insulting and mysogynistic. I have never had so much male attention in my life. Keep very very boundaried. I kept a fake wedding ring on after a while to stop the incessant attention when with the kids. And I'm no looker particularly. I was excluded from the couples dinner circuit in my cliquey village and all the woman thought I wanted to sleep with thier minging, bald Dave. That hurt but I kind of wish I knew that would happen rather than being amazed when I was left out. Got a lovely partner 3 years later and we were invited to everyone's . I thought that was horrible.

But apart from that it's been the best thing I ever did.

Peace
no walking on eggshells
my house staying clean and tidy
not being on edge wondering what mood he’s going to be in
being to do what I want when I want
being able to sleep when I want
not having someone else’s mood permeate the whole house

I should have done it years ago. That’s literally my only regret

No longer having the sinking feeling as the fourth or fifth can of beer is opened by 5pm
Not having to have pointless circular arguments
Being able to plan things and just do them without bargaining with him to come with us because he would rather lie in bed looking at his phone
Not having to listen to the sound of PlayStation loading all the time
Not being asked for money all the time
Not having drama and recriminations about all my friends every time I go out
Not being worried about the impact the misogynist outlook would have on my daughter

Its fucking paradise tbh

Honestly, if you can ignore the stigma about single mothers (I wonder who is invested in upholding this, and who it benefits....) and cut yourself loose you can thrive.

No lump in the throat or walking on egg shells
bed all to myself
watch what I want on TV
I control my money
house is decorated how I like - not cocking natural hessian everywhere
free time and he has to do ‘child care’ (when they were young - although mine just moved in the OW to do it!)
better relationship with the kids - both of us
autonomy on decisions
no taking over everything
things like DIY actually get done not half finished

Thank you everyone!

I’m very much looking forward to the peace, and being able to make plans without worrying that he’ll be in a bad mood and ruin it. I can scarcely remember a time he’s actually been happy. My cat is going to be thrilled too.

I was a single mum (now in a relationship with someone else) I didnt mind it. You grow a closer bond to your kids, get to see more of their firsts. They talk to you about most things. Its hard work but I wouldn't change what happened for anything. It lead me to me now boyfriend who's amazing.

The best things, let me think, so many to choose from:

No more dealing with shitty ILS

No more sleepless nights due to his snoring

No more treading on eggshells and wondering how he will behave after eight cans of Stella

No more being hassled for sex all the bloody time.

No more having to worry that he’s wasted money on something we don’t need or can’t afford.

I could go on and on…