AIBU to wonder if the HMRC refund should partly come back to me

[Youtoldmeonce]

A couple of years ago I received an inheritance from my parents estate.
around the same time my husband had a 15k tax bill. I gave him 25k=10 for him to do with what he wished and 15k to pay the tax bill, at the time he said he would pay it back to which I replied don’t worry about it.
Back story my husband is not tight and always gives me cash if he has a windfall, to add he has a terrible memory (also some mental health issues over the past few years).
He as totally forgotten, after thanking me he’s never mentioned it again, I genuinely know that he’s not being tight and has forgotten. I’ve never mentioned it since and I did say not to worry about it when he said he would pay me the 15k back.
Yesterday he received a cheque from the HRMC for 5k due to over payment. I know that he will give me some of the money, do I just say thank you or mention the 15k I gave him?
I sort of feel that it’s some of the 15k coming back.
WWUD

This is why my husband and I don't have separate money. All tit for tat. You told him not to pay it back so why should he now?

If you gave him the money, then it's his money now. It's odd to tot up or track gifts. What you give, you should give freely.

You say he will share anyway, so what's the issue really?

Couldn’t imagine asking my DH to pay something back that I gave him.

You gave him a gift, he thanked you, why would he mention it again? Did you want to keep playing Lady Bountiful? Either you gave it in good faith or you didn't!

I know that he will give me some of the money

So what’s the issue? That you don’t want to just say thank you, you actually want to remind him that it’s really money you gave him originally but that you said he didn’t need to worry about paying back anyway?

This separation of money is weird to me. But if that’s your set up, then either mean when you say he doesn’t need to pay you back, or don’t.

I'm always Mystified by these marriages where a simple conversation can't be had. All this passing back and fro of money, all quite odd

I don't get it really. You had a large inheritance, you shared it, great, that's normal for me and DH so I get that. What i don't get it the financial point scoring. You told him he didn't need to pay it back. He said thank you. You moved on with your lives.

Now he's got a tax rebate you suddenly want your money back. Really? You even say he'll undoubtedly give you some. Yet you want more. Is he supposed to stay indebted to you forever over this money?

I prefer the way me and DH pool our money, to be honest. We've been married a very long time. In that time he's earned more than me at times, I've earned more than him at times. We've had windfalls and unexpected bills. What's his money is my money and vice versa. I can't imagine spending time and energy worrying about whether he should be paying me back money that I told him he didn't have to pay back in the first place.

Why don't you tally up all the small amounts he's GIVEN you over the years???

at the time he said he would pay it back to which I replied don’t worry about it.

In my world that means ‘That’s Ok, no need to pay it back’.

I agree with others about shared finances in marriage.