Why are people like this

[mabelladel]

I've just received this from my ex. For context, he's repeatedly breached our Child Arrangements Order over the last few months and throughout the last five years, which ultimately forced me to instruct a solicitor at considerable personal expense.

Does this come across as unusually officious to anyone else? To me it reads less like communication between co-parents and more like I'm someone who has to answer to him. I genuinely can't work out what's driving it—is it an attempt to keep everything formal, a desire for control, intimidation, or something else? It fills me with dread every time I receive messages written like this.

Message below:

In accordance with the requirement in the Child Arrangements Order to provide at least four weeks' notice of holiday arrangements, I am letting you know that we will be going on holiday to [holiday destination redacted] from Friday 7 August until Friday 21 August (14 nights).

As agreed in the email from [family law firm redacted] dated 22 May 2026, I will be collecting [child's name] on Thursday 6 August at 3:10pm as the agreed additional day, following my return of [child's name] at 3:10pm on 27 May 2026 in accordance with that agreement.

I have not yet received details of your holiday arrangements. Given [child's name]'s passport has recently been renewed, I understand you may be travelling abroad, and [child's name] has mentioned that he is going to Spain. Please provide your holiday details in accordance with the Child Arrangements Order, including the destination, address where [child's name] will be staying and the travel dates.

He’s being an arse but he’s following the rules? I’d reply in kind with your holiday dates .

Sounds like he got Chat GPT to write it for him. No emotion.

Is there any problem with the arrangement? If not, I’d just say thanks for the information, my holiday dates are X to Y. Please next time check dates with me before booking to ensure no clash. You could plug your draft into chat GPT and get it to polish for you too…

Yeah, he's being a dick, but don't rise to it.

If he sticks to the rules, he can write as many pseudo-formal letters as he needs to feel clever. Not skin off your nose.

Without any backstory, I'd say he is being careful to abide by the letter of the agreement, so that you have no grounds for any complaint. If the agreement says you have to give 4 weeks notice of holiday, have you done that too?

Gosh. How sad that it’s come to this 😕

Sounds like ChatGPT to me. Get ChatGPT to write your response.

He’s just used AI to write it for him. No further thought to it.

He's just taken all emotion out of it

Respond in kind

Have you booked holiday with DC, and did you give him the 4 weeks notice?

Chat gpt him back.

To me it reads less like communication between co-parents

But you instructed a solicitor. I’m not saying you were wrong to do that! But it would be surprising if that didn’t change the interactions between you.

Sounds like he’s gone down the route of “fine, I’ll do it by the letter but I’ll damn well make sure she does as well”. Don’t rise to it. If it’s all fine, just reply politely confirming you’ve received his holiday details, and let him know yours.

This is one of those communications that is crying out for the thumbs up emoji response.

Yes it's formal and unemotional, I would reply in exactly the same vein. If he wants to be an officious arse, let him!

Have a lovely time!

This, if you’ve instructed a solicitor, this is why he’s being so officious in case you do it again?

What’s wrong with it? I would prefer this to some fake pally shit.

Yes its specifically clear and unambiguous. Clearly whatever relationship you had with him is dead. He breached the child arrangement order and you felt it was necessary to get it spelt out to him that you aren't flexible with that agreement (and you have every right to not be) so your relationship is now on a completely formal basis.

Which is no bad thing. You can be polite but there is less chance of misunderstanding or confusion if you communicate this way

It does what it says on the tin, its framed in legalese which isn’t unexpected given that you have instructed a solicitor.

I agree though that some people get a frisson out of being exaggeratedly officious and self important. He is obviously enjoying it.

He's got a set to his jaw because you got a solicitor involved.

fair enough, give him the information he needs and it's sorted.

don't fan the flames with something overly officious by ChatGPT, be the bigger person. Just answer him normally like an adult and get on with your life.

If I was responding I would be clear but send over the bare minimum in just a couple of sentences to cover off your holiday to make him feel like the silly sausage he is. Don’t try to out do him with an even grander AI produced affair because that will just feed his nonsense. At least he’s been clear.

I'd say he's wording it in a way that's very cautious of having something twisted or thrown back at him at a later date. It's just factual, formal and emotionless. What is there to dread about that? Just reply in kind.

Just reply as per the court order. "I will be taking Peter to Hotel Sol, Fuengerola on August 27th and returning on Sept 2nd.

He's booked his holiday so if you haven't already informed him, the last week in August is the only week available to you before the schools go back, which is irritating, and he's left it until the last moment to tell you but he's complied with the court order.

Don't rise. Treat him like an irritating regular customer.