To think that this was her way of saying no?

[Beachywaves13]

So my 10yo plays a sport and there’s one of the mums I usually end up chatting to.

A few times in the past she’s mentioned her child being bullied and struggling with friendships. She’s also put out generic invites for other parents to meet up a couple of times, but no one could ever make it at the time.

So we were chatting recently and got onto the subject of the Summer holidays and I said it would be nice to meet up with the dc .

She seemed to quickly change the subject, she laughed and said let me get x, y and s out of the way first.

Then she said “anyway, they’re all meeting up for Harry’s party soon”. One of the dc is having a party soon.

I just sort of smiled and moved on, but I feel a bit embarrassed that I asked.

Yabu - you’re overthinking
Yanbu - she was definitely shutting the idea down

Who knows? I’d just go with the flow on this one. She’s clearly got a lot on her plate, maybe ask again in about three weeks?

YANBU I understand what your saying. You're saying that she says her daughter struggles with friendships and she sends general invites out which no one goes to so because of that, you offered your hand in friendship and she basically declined. Is that what happened?

If so, God that's rude. It's no wonder no-one wants to bother with them if thats what her social skills are like. She's raised her daughter without social skills too by the sound of it. Let them get on with it and don't think on it a minute more.

Yes that’s exactly it.

Quite a few times she’s said that they are going for some food/park/trampolining after training if anyone wants to go and join them. But people always couldn’t go because they were busy.

It’s made me wonder if she dislikes me or if her child dislikes mine.

Honestly take it from an old experienced person 😃, don't even give it any headspace anymore. You tried to do a nice thing, she rudely knocked you back. Enjoy spending time with your own little family and your other friends, - people who deserve you.

I wonder if she's daunted by meeting another mother plus child on a 1 on 1 basis for potentially something like a whole afternoon. That's very different to inviting a group back in a very informal, potentially quite short lived way. Particularly if your children aren't particularly friends and it sounds like you only know her through chatting while your children are at their activity.

Maybe go for a more casual suggestion and see how she takes it?

I’d leave it there, you tried to do a nice thing and she was rude. Don’t give it any more head space some people are weird

@Beachywaves13 your child could be the one bullying that’s why she keeps bringing it up and snubbed your offer to meet up.

Really? That’s quite a stretch.

There’s definitely no bullying from my child to hers and besides anything her child was being bullied at school not within the group.

Yes possibly. Although it’s not like I invited her over to my house.

It was a very casual “we’ll have to meet at the trampoline park” type thing. Which didn’t necessarily mean just our dc

Sounds like is only comfortable with vague invites for meet ups that never go anywhere and the other parents are aware of it.

I would just think I’ve done my bit and offered a playdate, so next time she moans about her child struggling with friendships, just nod along and don’t offer to meet up.

How rude! You were being kind!

It's probably more likely that she's anxious I guess since she clearly doesn't dislike you, but still!

She just sounds a bit awkward, not 'rude'. Maybe she really does have a lot on. I read the 'Harry's party' bit as conciliatory. She might be brushing you off a little but I wouldn't take it personally - these things usually aren't personal.

The ball is in her court now ..see what happens

Are your children friends?
I wonder if she is putting out invitations aiming at certain people. Not that she is against you but her child wants to be friends with particular children and she is “targeting” their mothers.

Does she work? Maybe she is feeling a bit overwhelmed about the summer holidays. I know I have before, thinking about sorting childcare and how I will fit in things to keep them entertained.

The dc aren’t exactly best friends, but are in the sports group together and have known eachother a long time. I wouldn’t exactly say that any of the children are friends outside the group.

But there have been a few parties and they do play together.

Like I say she has quite a few times suggested meet ups outside the group so I assumed that she was trying to forge closer friendships for her dc, but I’m thinking now that those invites weren’t aimed at us.

Oh and she doesn’t work she’s a sahm and her dc is an only child.

Feel a bit silly.

Don’t feel silly, it was a kind gesture.

No way. Don't ask again, she heard you the first time and it's out there now. If she wants to she will

I wouldn't read too much into that. Just go with the flow, is it that important?

I don't think she was that rude. If your children aren't particularly close and it wasn't your child she was aiming the invites at before she was probably a bit taken by surprise. Better making light of it than saying 'actually my child doesn't like yours' or 'I didn't mean you when I offered to organise something'. Also better than saying yes when she didn't mean it.

I forgot I’d started this thread but the same thing happened again recently.

She put in the WhatsApp group to ask if any of the children wanted to go bowling after the sport on a Saturday. Literally no one replied apart from me. Then when I saw her she started saying how her child wanted to go bowling but no one wanted to go. I said that my child was happy to go and she just went quiet. Never mentioned it again.

The reason I find it so strange is that she’s put out these invites several times now and no one ever takes her up in it. If she’s aiming it at a particular one or two children, why not just speak to their parents directly. I speak to this woman every single week and she is one of those people who tells you her whole life story so I’m fairly confident that she’d have said if her child was good friends with anyone in the group, because she tells you everything, she’s one of those people who talks none stop without taking a breather.

I think it’s clear she doesn’t mean your kid. However she also seems quite odd and she might be the reason no one else responds. I’d gently step away.

This!

This is the trap that women fall into I think, she's allowed to say no to an invitation without it being viewed as rude but we're so conditioned that we shouldn't be seen as rude we often go along with things we don't really want to do.

She is absolutely allowed to say no.

But I do find it odd that she’s put out generic invitations to ‘everyone’ several times.

Multiple times now she has put in the WhatsApp group open invites to meet her and her child. When I say literally no one responds I mean no one.

Then last Summer she kept saying how it would be good to go somewhere, she talks to me a LOT. So it is very confusing.

If you were just after making friends with a particular person why not just speak to them.