Tips for getting through the night home alone

[Flower836385]

Posting in AIBU for traffic…
I was a victim of a violent crime as a child so I am scared of the dark as an almost 40 year old. My husband is working away and I need to get through tonight in my house and try and get some sleep. Usually if he’s away I end up staying awake until about 3:30am when I’m too tired to not fall asleep. I feel too scared to go to sleep. Recent news about home invasions in the US also spook me and I can’t stop thinking about them and imagining an intruder is in my house.
Id really like to try and get a few hours sleep tonight as I’ve got a full day ahead tomorrow with two little kids.
Any tips?
I already semi barricade my door,(don’t worry I can get to the kids) and leave the tv on.

thanks!

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I think it's really brave that you are doing this despite your fear. Would a really funny stand up comedian help take the edge off? Or depending on the age of your kids would you feel better being all together in one room?

Looking towards the future, do you think this is a PTSD thing? If so, EMDR can be life changing.

Leave the lights on downstairs. No self respecting burglar is going to target a house that looks like people are still awake vs ones in darkness.

Lights on
for the TV I keep it on just a low volume with usually a Harry Potter YouTube video from sleepy shack channel but you can search for sleep stories

Allow yourself one check that all doors and windows are locked (ideally earlier as soon as your dh leaves) and then keep your mind busy.

Try to challenge any thoughts as they come up - the house is secure and you are safe.

Night nurse helps me drift off

Leave a light on downstairs and and in the hall as it looks like someone’s up , keep
your phone by your bed and there is always someone up on Mumsnet if you need a chat , you can do this , it also gets light around 4.15 as well, no one’s about then.

So, I don’t want to feed your anxiety, but when I’ve felt insecure I’ve laid booby traps around. So obstacles that would be loud if they were disrupted. It allowed me to ignore minor creaks and taps, as any intruder would be massively noisy.

A dog

Possibly but I’ve had EMDR recently for something else and I agree it’s life changing! I just feel like I need to wait until I have therapy for something else on top of what I’ve just tackled recently 😅

My mum is similar, due to not dissimilar event as a child. She massively struggles to be alone at home. And yes, has had therapy. We've done a series of soft overnight lights throughout the house. Mainly fairy lights and movement sensor lamps.

Sorry to hear your mum experienced similar 💐

Thank you for all the replies so far!

My 5 year old is currently too wide awake too sleep (he napped earlier in the car) and I’m surprised how much better I feel with a bit of company rather than a silent house! Obviously know I need to get him to bed soon though

When I was younger and was living alone in a house I felt a bit unsure in I used to leave bbc world service on the radio on low all night 😂 maybe you could pop a podcast on low?

Do all your evening security checks and narrate it out loud to yourself so you know you’ve done it (lock doors / shut windows etc).

Sit in bed with a cup of decaf tea or a herbal tea and read your book, don’t pressure yourself to sleep. Eventually you’ll get sleepy.

Leave your lamps on :)

Thank you these are great suggestions. I usually leave the window open too in case I need to shout for help. It’s sad really!

Yes to this and lights on downstairs and in hall. If feasible can your DC sleep in your room with you? Might make you feel a bit more at ease.

Yes, offer a sleepover to your five year old. You could play some white noise or relaxing music in your room.

Probably an extra expense but could you get a burglar alarm fitted? We have one which has sensors on all doors & windows on the ground floor. When I’m alone I switch on the perimeter as soon as everyone is home from school/work. This helps me relax and not worry about being alone/with kids. Is this an option for you?

I think I need to put this on my list of things to sort. It crossed my mind today actually. In our old house I used to sleep a lot better because we had an alarm. But also I had a lock on the bedroom door and the house was smaller. This house is old and over three floors so I think that adds to the sense of unease, there are lots of little random side rooms and five points of entry to the house. It’s a bit higgledy piggledy

I know it sounds stupid but don’t forget that fear is not a reliable indicator of danger - just because you’re scared doesn’t mean that something bad is going to happen. It’s completely understandable that you feel like this and you know why, it’s not a reflection of an actual threat (although it feels like that). As PP say, leave a light on and no burglar would bother risking a house where people might be up and about. Think about how secure you are, safe in your home with the doors locked, window open and phone to hand just in case you need any help. Enjoy the peace and quiet, you’ve got this. And if you don’t sleep much, don’t worry, just resting in bed is almost as good for a day or two.

I love a check list so I would make a list of all the windows and doors you lock/curtains or blinds you close and tick them off as you do them.
At least then if you have a bit of a wobble later on you can physically see they're done and hopefully your anxiety will subside a bit.
Also as others have said by 4am ish it's getting light and lots of people are getting up for early shifts. Leave a light on and could you listen to an audio book maybe? 💐

It won’t help for tonight, but I second a pp who suggested a dog. Mine’s v soppy but there’s no way anyone is getting into the house at night without him causing a massive ruckus.

Meditation and valerian tea help me.

And propranolol for anxiety, but that's not so helpful for tonight (plus when I started taking it, it stopped me sleeping.)

Valerian tea definitely knocks you out.

I read in bed until I drop off, having gone up as late as I can, leave a light on on the stairs.