To wonder if I’m considering an ADHD diagnosis to make up for my deficiencies

[Puppalicious]

Last week I happened to be away from home with work on my child’s birthday, I had to stay overnight so wasn’t there for the morning (we usually have balloons, card, maybe first of presents), talked lots about how upsetting this was, agreed with DH I would FaceTime etc. when I woke up that morning, I completely forgot. Didn’t enter my mind about the birthday until DH FaceTimed me (it was ok on the occasion because he just assumed I waited until he was ready). I really don’t think this is normal, and really makes me a self obsessed, and fairly shit mother.
I am always forgetting stuff. In parallel, I’ve been exploring a private adhd diagnosis. I passed the first stage as high probability but am ignoring their calls as I’ve started hrt and want to see if that helps (I’ve always been very scattered but sometimes lately I’ve felt like I’m losing my mind). But part of me is wondering if I’m just curious about an “excuse” for really being not a great person (eg not staying in touch very well, struggling to focus in conversations, being a bit shit around the house). AIBU to think I should maybe just go for the ADHD assessment even though part of me just thinks it’s an excuse (for me - not other people who genuinely have adhd)? Is it normal for your child’s birthday to go out of your head?

The thing is, whether you think it's fair or not, the current position is contempt for the diagnosis among adults (a bit annoying for those who have a genuine problem). So you can moan about the injustice or deal with reality.

Would you say that to a physically disabled person?

I despair of these threads... they only go one way and it's usually disparaging comments.

This site HATES ADHD people.

Why is there contempt? Why does it affect you in anyway shape or form? 🧐

I have ADHD. I take the sweet sweet pills for it. I recognise that most people think it's bullshit and that "everyone has ADHD". They simultaneously think I'm weird and inadequate in various ways. Whatever, tough shit, I am a minority of me so I need to find ways to not fuck them off.

Well that's good for you. I have it too and I don't take those sweet pills you mention. My own choice.

It doesn't matter what anyone thinks of you or me. It really doesn't. The only thing it should matter to is ourselves. Yes, I agree take accountability for yourself and I do believe me. I've taken many measures in my life to make sure I don't shit on anyone else with it.

But people who do not know what it is like to have it, can yap into the void as far as I care. If they don't understand it then they don't know what's it like. How can you adequately judge what you don't know.

But that's life I guess. I just fed up of these constant threads on it and the constant barrage from judgemental nay sayers. Never seen the hate for it anywhere that I do on here.

Of course it matters if you think a diagnosis is going to excuse your behaviour. It isn't.

I didn't actually say that... but ok 👍

@Puppalicious Thinking of you, I can relate. A therapist, and a GP (at recent health check) both independently suggested that I should seek an ADHD diagnosis, because they think it would help me. I was thinking about doing it, but there is so much negativity and stigma around ADHD (as evidenced in this thread), that I’m considering not. That and the waiting list are putting me off.
My whole life I have known there are lots of things I struggle with, but also felt that it is somehow my fault (like the nasty people blaming you OP, and your own negative self talk).
I’m so unsure what to do.