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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Surprise Birthday Drama

9 replies

Daydreamer94 · Today 18:44

my cousin is having a big birthday coming and we are quite close. I caught up with her recently and she said she is not sure what she is doing as she is tired of planning her own parties. I had a lightbulb moment and thought why don’t I organise something, found a date that relatively everyone could make and then messaged her husband to plan a surprise party.

I told him I would sort out the cake and decorations and invites and nibbles but could he cover the cost of some of the food ( I am not working atm so wouldn’t be able to cover everything) he said he thought it was a great idea and he was happy to pay for everything ( i declined and said just food is fine)

A few days later my Aunt (cousins mum) calls me and says how dare I ask for money, if I am planning a party then I should cover everything. It’s not right to ask my cousins husband and my cousin would be upset. I was so taken aback I didn’t know what to say to her really. I said I was just trying to be thoughtful and was covering as much as I could and planning everything, plus hosting at my house!

I rang my husband upset and he said I should cancel the whole thing and tell her to organise it since she is so bothered!

OP posts:
ArseSkinForAFriend · Today 18:47

I think you need to go back to her husband and ask him why your aunt thinks this.

somanychristmaslights · Today 18:48

I would phone the husband and ask if there’s a problem. He might have just mentioned it in passing and it’s your aunt being ridiculous. But chat to him first and if he’s still happy, just ignore her.

MamaSleep · Today 18:48

I would be inclined to cancel as well… it should be a team effort!

OneLimePombear · Today 18:49

I agree with your DH.

Moonnstarz · Today 18:50

Is cousins mum jealous that you have planned the party and is pissed off that you will get the credit for it?

Anyway I agree, if it's that much hassle ditch the idea.

JLou08 · Today 18:50

Is aunt usually difficult? The husband offering full cost sounds like he was happy with the plan, he probably just mentioned in passing the conversation about cost.
I think the request was fair, although if they share finances, cousin is paying for her own surprise party so some might take offence to that.
I wouldn't cancel, carry on with the party. Tell aunt if she is so offended at H being asked maybe she should financially contribute to her daughters party.

KrazyKatty · Today 18:59

Just ask the Aunt how much she’d like to contribute seeing as she’s obviously upset at not having any involvement in the planning. (cheeky cow!)

Larrythecatforpm · Today 19:05

I would just cancel the whole thing.

FusionChefGeoff · Today 19:26

Don’t cancel! It’s not your friends fault - speak to husband then crack on

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