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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Awkward conversation with close friend- misunderstanding

10 replies

Countbinface39 · Today 15:11

One of my best friends is a singer and I go to many of her shows, not all but many, I know she appreciates the support. Sometimes she can get me on a guest list, other times I buy a ticket which I'm always happy to do.
I've travelled further for some of the shows, but I don't tend to go if tickets are very expensive (e.g. if it's a festival) or if it's the other side of the country, but I'm happy to travel an hour or two.

She mentioned a fairly local show coming up in the next couple of weeks and I said 'Oh great, I'd love to come!".rather than seeming enthusiastic, she actually seemed a bit hesitant and was saying 'oh but there's no guestlist for this, but it may finish quite late, but I don't know what it'll be like yet' .

Rather than push anything I said 'that's ok, I'll give it a miss then.' I think she felt guilty so started saying 'no no come, once I know more I'll let you know'. I didn't know what to make but I said i was honestly ok to leave it and said we'll see what happens.

It later came out that she'd hoped for this one to be a bit more of a networking event but felt she couldn't talk to people as much with 'family and friends there'. I try to be accommodating, I don't expect her to speak to me the whole gig I'm happy to do my own thing and leave after her performance.
She was saying 'it's not that I don't want you there' and I just told her it was fine and I'd leave it. Not sure if I just misread, but I just felt like she was trying to put barriers up.
I do understand the networking thing so I said I'd leave it, I said I didn't need to go to every single gig, I think it's ok now but unsure if I was overthinking?

OP posts:
aliasfrog · Today 15:13

She should have just told you what she wanted. That's on her

Nousernameideaaga · Today 15:14

Overthinking. It’s fine.

She didn’t want you there for this particular one due to networking , but she didn’t want to not tell you the reason. But didn’t know how to say it. And you understood . Both of you have been a good friend.

And you’ll go next time. And she will be glad to have you there ☺️

Countbinface39 · Today 15:14

aliasfrog · Today 15:13

She should have just told you what she wanted. That's on her

I did say to her I was rubbish with hints and preferred her to be honest, but I know it's not always easy

OP posts:
Countbinface39 · Today 15:15

Nousernameideaaga · Today 15:14

Overthinking. It’s fine.

She didn’t want you there for this particular one due to networking , but she didn’t want to not tell you the reason. But didn’t know how to say it. And you understood . Both of you have been a good friend.

And you’ll go next time. And she will be glad to have you there ☺️

Edited

I do understand the reason now she's said it, the thing is when someone tells me 'oh it finishes late' I think, well isn't that my decision to make? It was a bit of an awkward conversation but i think it's ok now.

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · Today 18:08

Bands don't always get the full details of the gig, sometimes details like the guest list and set times arrives in bits and pieces. If it was more of a networking event, she'd probably worry about you feeling left out whilst she was trying to talk to people about booking new gigs etc.

Im sure she appreciates you coming to gigs. I wouldn't worry about it.

Charys · Today 18:09

It’s hot weather doing your head in. Have a cold drink and forget about it.

Countbinface39 · Today 18:12

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · Today 18:08

Bands don't always get the full details of the gig, sometimes details like the guest list and set times arrives in bits and pieces. If it was more of a networking event, she'd probably worry about you feeling left out whilst she was trying to talk to people about booking new gigs etc.

Im sure she appreciates you coming to gigs. I wouldn't worry about it.

I fully understand it, and you're right, I just didn't know at first because it was framed in a different way

OP posts:
JLou08 · Today 18:36

I don't know what the problem is. She wants to network but would feel bad doing this if friends have come so would prefer you didn't come. You understand that so aren't going. Do you not just carry on your friendship as normal from here?

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · Today 18:52

Don’t overthink this one OP. She should have handled things a bit better and just said upfront she was doing this gig but it’s really more of a networking opportunity for her. Sounds like you’re a supportive friend.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · Today 19:37

Don't panic, sometimes awkward misunderstandings happen, but it's fine now. She's basically explained it, you totally understand and quite rightly are leaving her to do her thing. Next time she invites you, you'll be clear you're invited fully and you'll have a lovely time, and she'll be grateful for your support. The whole reason it was a bit awkward is that you're kind and really want to support her, and she loves that and realised it wasn't what she needed for this specific gig, but didn't want to hurt your feelings because she cares about you. It's just because you're both being a good friend and appreciate one another. Leave it alone and continue your lovely friendship, don't over think it.

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