To wonder when it’s my turn for a break 😢

[scalestipped]

Ok, this is probably dramatic but I’m feeling a bit dramatic now and need somewhere to let it out.

This year (like many) has been super busy. I work full time in an emotionally and mentally demanding job (I love it, but it’s tough a lot of the time). I am also studying a degree online to try and better myself for the future (hoping for a better work life balance eventually).

I have 2 DC with SEN one significantly more so than the other. They are growing up now so effectively ‘need’ me less, but also don’t, as keeping on top of their mental health and day to day needs is another full time job in itself, I love them and I wouldn’t change it but I’m never ‘off duty’ even though they should be much more independent now.

I have also been carrying alot of the unseen load at home (money, bills, day to day upkeep).

This week my eldest has now moved out and is health wise better than last week (we ended up in hosp last week), second is away. And then got the good news DSS is not here this week as other parent is off so he’s there for the week. GREAT, I shuffled work diary and asked my boss for 2 last minute days off - agreed. Today I had jobs to catch up on to mentally tick them off. Tomorrow is MY day! I am desperately tired and can’t remember the last time I had a lie in. However now been informed DP is off out early - not great but I could go back to sleep as it’s early like 6am. However also now apparently DSS is being dropped here around 8am to be picked up by someone, this will be later (like my normal wake up time, and will also wake the dog who will then want to go for a walk) I won’t be able to get back to sleep at this time so will be awake 😩

it just seems like everytime i try to catch a break, something trumps it and it gets taken away. And I’m so fed up of being bottom of the pile.

Dss gets to walk the ddog .

I wish that was what would happen but it won’t, he’ll be in and then waiting to be picked up very soon after so I’ll end up getting up to do it

When ds started school full time and I was off that day i dropped him off and went back to bed...I never told a soul!
Ddog can have a short walk and then you get back into bed.. and remind dp you aren't free childcare.

Op, if you don’t like your step son staying and your dp isn’t doing his share, wouldn’t you be better off without them? Just asking the q btw, you’ve only given two bits of detail about them so far.

Walk the dog, get back in bed 😉

Inform “D”P that you don’t want to be disturbed and as such DSS is seen/sent off by him very quietly or getting picked up from his mother.
He has another 364 days to do everything else and not on ONE day you’re off to impose something on you.

Yes it’s a big deal.

Not,you’re not being dramatic.

That’s parenting! My ‘me’ time is going to the gym but it’s always at the bottom of the priority list so it’s the first thing to drop if kids or work need more of my time. Such is life!

Move your ‘you time’ a day forward and do your chores on the day that dss is being dropped off

That day was today so it’s already done :(

What’s your dp doing? Can you say he has to change it?

or move your day off, and add it back up to two? Don’t tell anyone…

You just say no to DSS being dropped off. Who is telling you this is happening? Tell them no.

DSS is old enough not to need anyone here so it’s not that I have to get up to see him off or sort him out. It’s that him opening the door/closing/banging the door and walking round the house will wake Ddog (who would sleep until I do if the house is quiet/empty) and as it’ll be his usual wake up time he will then not settle back down and want to go walking. Any noise and he’s barking/pattering around the room (needy dog!) So I’ll be woken up and kept awake by the dog.

I’m just annoyed as I purposely planned a day I could have a lie in and now it’s gone 😩 I walk ddog every morning so am up 7 days to do this unless DP does it which only happens when I’m at work extra early. so I’d already be up and gone not in bed.

1 day, thats all I needed 😩

can’t move my day off as I have a full diary for work the rest of the week and shuffled to get these 2 days off (one day was today and I’ve been busy doing jobs I needed to get done with the hope tomorrow was mine!).

usually I would just suck it up. But I’m so burnt out (and have voiced this very honestly) I just really needed a day to sleep until my body decided and do whatever I wanted to do to reset.

I have and have been ignored. It seems DSS mum told DP who has then just informed me.

He is supposed to be at his mums with the instruction she is off so can take him where he needs to be. Usually I would be at work so wouldn’t care either way. But I booked this day after being told none of the children would be here.

Could your H walk the dog before he leaves at 6?

Yep and this has been life for 20 years for me already.

difference with this is it doesn’t actually ‘need’ to happen it’s just easier for other people.

This would be great but realistically won’t happen

Have you told your dp you’re clearly bottom of his priorities? I’d go to a hotel for the night and he can walk the dog.

Probably will do this but I’m a notoriously poor sleeper anwyay so know I won’t get anymore sleep. But I can relax at least I guess.

Yep, currently an on going battle. Another reason I think this has rattled me so much. Been lots of chats recently about this.

been very honest about being super burnt out, tired and feeling like I am never anyone priority. But clearly falls on deaf ears as usual.

Well I think you have a case to put forward to him as it’s his son that is returning at 8am and will disturb the dog that will then need walking.

I'd be gutted too OP. Why is DSS being dropped off? Doesn't seem to make sense if they are being picked back up again. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture for a reason.

To go to work. He gets picked up by the person he works with as not old enough to drive. Though sometimes he walks and apparently may be tomorrow 🤷🏼‍♀️ so I suggested then he is dropped where he needs to walk to instead of here but didn’t get an answer to that.

I would imagine it’s his mum who wants to drop him earlier for her own convenience. He could also get the bus over later to walk to where he needs to be or meet the person picking him up by the shops or something. But apparently no 🤦🏼‍♀️

Stay in a hotel for a night?

Ask your partner to do things which will hell get the break you need.

Do less generally. Delegate day to day tasks. Leave things for others to do.

Im trying to be kind because you sound at the end of the line but the pick up is brief after which you have the whole day to yourself after walking the dog?

I think you are over reacting personally. Walk the dog, go back to bed. If you cant sleep get up but relax and enjoy your day. This is a small part of a whole day off, try to keep some perspective if you can

How old is DSS? He's old enough to work but not drive - surely he'd be better walking to meet his mate later?!? Everyone wins. And it will take longer to sleep now because of the rage! I only have DD6 to worry about, times will change but occasionally I get a night to myself. Hell would freeze over before I gave it up.