AIBU to panic over intrusive thoughts and fear I am unwell?

[Downtherabbithole34]

Hi, I need to get this out to people that might understand and I just feel like I need talking down and help urgently. It might be a long one.

I've suffered with a anxiety and OCD for years. About 15 years now. It's mostly health related, fear of dying, intrusive thoughts and mental compulsions. I've become scared of absolutely everything. At the moment I've been in a bad flare where I'm convinced I'm unwell, I'm scared of having a heart attack, or dying suddenly. It rules my life. I have a young son with additional needs and I'm terrified to reach out in case they take him away from me. I get a multitude of physical symptoms, heart palpitations, chest pains, breathless, dizziness, body pains etc. My Dr said it's deffo anxiety but I really dont believe that.

Recently, I've started having what I call "magical thinking". Where I'm imagining scenarios and visions in my head, and some of there are very irrational. I had a dream last night that all the planes in the sky fell down and crashed. I've thought about it all day. Each time I've seen a contrail in the sky today I've panicked. I can hear planes all day (I live in Lincolnshire, surrounded by RAF) and it's triggering me. I'm utterly convinced that I have had a premonition and I can't calm down at all. I don't know wha to do. I don't feel safe. I'm always so scared and anxious and I really feel like I can't cope anymore. I don't feel like I'm real, or what if I am already dead? Please someone tell me what's wrong. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I know this sounds absolutely crazy, but I'm using this as a safe space because if I say these things out loud to anyone esle, im scared they will think I'm unwell, but I'm just stuck in this weird loop and I don't feel right in the head.

I think you need to go to your GP again OP. This is anxiety combined with a bit of dissociation (probably because you are so anxious). I don’t think it sounds like intrusive thoughts in the classic OCD sense, though no doubt they are intrusive. It sounds like quite severe anxiety and you have all the physical symptoms. The not feeling real bit is dissociation. It just means that your anxiety is so bad right now that your brain is almost checking out to have a break from it all. There is no reason to feel like this and be so miserable. Are you on any treatment? Engaging in any talking therapies or CBT or hypnotherapy?

You are unwell but not in the way you think.

You need to tell your GP everything that yoy've posted here.

There's disassociation and extreme anxiety - it needs to be investigated so you can get the support you need and do that live will be easier and fun again.

Please see your doctor, OP. Nobody is going to take your child away, but you do need, and deserve, help. There are treatments out there that will help, but you must tell someone how you’re feeling.

OP, I do think this is OCD, but more misunderstood. I have struggled with similar for years. Make sure to emphasise this to your GP, you need to take medication which will help you massively, if you cannot immediately begin ERP therapy, which was a game changer for my OCD

I think it sounds like intrusive thoughts as you say. And dissociation from severe anxiety. I think you need to go back to the gp get some help/medication. I think fear of losing your child is another aspect of your fears.

im very dubious about your child being removed. They don’t seem to remove children who are actually in danger! The best thing for your child is to stay with you and you to be well.

i think I’d consider some mantras like ‘this feels scary but my thoughts are not true’ and look up breathing exercises. When I’m at my most anxious and feeling similar I need to do things like wash up, iron, clean sides. Simple tasks to concentrate on . Slow breathing - longer breaths out than in…. Hand on you chest and hand on your tummy to soothe. ‘ I am here , this is real. It doesn’t feel real but it is . Today date is …. The weather and I am here and alive”

Minds are tricky !! Having us believe all sorts of nonsense!! You can be ok but you probably need to reach out ….

Ps I’ve survived cancer and I’ve experienced acute stress and anxiety which was completely unrelated

i can say from my experience the acute stress was without doubt the most awful experience and horrible thing I had to deal with.

Hi I could have wrote this same post a few years ago and know how gut wrenching awful it is and I like you was afraid that someone would say that I couldn’t look after my children.I finally had to go to my GP as I couldn’t cope anymore. It ended up being anxiety induced dissociation and the Gp also thought I could haveOCD but I’m not officially diagnosed .I am now medicated with citalopram which has changed my life so much . I am free from anxiety and am able to enjoy life without worrying about different illnesses all the time. Which I was never able to do ever . This may not be the route for you but is something you may want to look into. I wish you well

Check this book out :

But most importantly see GP urgently
your anxiety is clearly really affecting you
x

Do you have a local mental health team that you can refer yourself to? Or ask your GP to refer you?

I went to the GP today and she prescribed s sone sertraline and sent me on my way with a review in six weeks. Granted I left some parts of hie bad it really is out.

There's no way you'd be typing this if you weren't real! I hope you feel better 💗

Hi OP. Good luck with the sertraline.

Just letting you know that I had extreme anxiety too for 2+ years and Prozac worked for me pretty much straight away.

The anxiety practically disappeared within a week; at least enough for me to feel ‘normal’ and functioning again. The change in me felt almost akin to a miracle!

I also had very intrusive thoughts when I was going through a long period of stress with severe anxiety. And the stress was absolutely physical, I could barely swallow, I could hear my pulse, I swear I felt my nerves shaking. I had problems with my vision going black which I later found out is linked to adrenaline. The intrusive thoughts were disturbing. I also found ways to completly disassociate but by creating a day dream world where I was someone else entirely so at least that bit was OK.

You need to go back to your gp and be honest. Do you have the online consultation where you complete a form which is reviewed by the doctor? If you feel you can explain better in text this could work well. My gp then arranges a face to face appointment if necessary based on the form.

ive had similar in a sense but nothing like planes, sometimes you accept them and carry on anyway, or if you do take the gambit and change course eg different route in the hopes of altering the timeline that leads to chain of events, sometimes trying to change the vision / flashforward as i call it has enabled it to happen as assumed weather thats just chance etc i dunno, so sometimes its best to accept the vision and carry on

Did they offer you any talking therapy? The meds take a while to kick in, but if they can give you some talking therapy it will help you recognise when an intrusive thought it exactly just that. An intrusive thought. So you can stop it in it's tracks.

I used to have the most awful intrusive thoughts. It started when I was young and my grandad used to joke when we walked past a police car or heard a siren that they were coming for me, and now I still genuinely panic and freeze when I hear police sirens because I am convinced I've committed some crime in a fugue state and suddenly forgotten about when I became lucid. We live on a main road so we hear them often.

I have had intrusive thoughts about choking on my food whilst eating, which has made me panic and choke on my food so it has been a self fulfilling prophecy there and that was a really hard one to get over because it didn't feel irrational as it kept happening.

I also have a SEN child and being a SEN parent is stressful. I think it's even been likened to having the cortisol levels of someone in combat, and stress is OCDs bedfellow. It is hard work for our brains to separate the rational from the irrational when we are stuck in fight or flight.

I really do recommend asking for talking therapy if you've not done it for a while, or never tried it, because approaches change all the time and with the right therapist some things just click and you do find yourself stepping out of your comfort zone a bit more and stopping yourself from allowing yourself to think about things that are irrational by naming them as irrational, unlikely and unproductive. You need grounding techniques and ways to bring yourself back into the present moment without letting your brain run off into streams of catastrophic thoughts.