AIBU to not be able to imagine a second child? ?

[NotSureNeedSomething]

This may or may not sound weird. DH and I are considering a second child, early 30s. DC 1 is 6. We don’t mind a big gap before anyone says anything, suits us fine. We know plenty of people who are close with siblings of a big gap…
Anyway. My AIBU is - I can’t imagine a second child specifically because I can’t imagine breastfeeding again (bf DC1 for 18months) or experiencing the same love or focus and attention we did for DC1. I know you must do, but I can’t imagine it! And it’s starting to upset me a little.

AIBU to not be able to imagine this?
DH thinks I’m worrying about nothing and that the love will obviously be there as it was with DC1.

Your DH is right! Don’t overthink it. The love will definitely be there, it just comes naturally from the time you find out you’re pregnant.

Did you manage to accurately imagine it before DC1?

I couldn't imagine a second as one was enough for me. Do you want a second child or just feel it's what you should do?

I felt like this after DS1, like I couldn't love any other child the same way.
Then DD came along and just like that, loved her just as much.

The love doubles, it doesn't get divided.

You probably weren’t able to accurately imagine it before DC1 though, and you definitely don’t have to breastfeed. Not to say you should have another if you don’t want to, but I don’t think those are things to worry about.

I do want to have a second child, been considering it for a while and it’s what I’ve always wanted -2 kids decent age gap. But yes, PPs are right, I suspect I couldn’t accurately imagine how much I’d love a first DC or imagine not having my body to myself due to breastfeeding. I know I don’t need to breastfeed a second as such, but I’d want to try for sure. I just can’t imagine it all a second time around!

I don’t think you are unreasonable at all. What I think is that perhaps you don’t want a second as much as you think you do, and these worries is how this manifests. And that’s ok.

If you are certain you want a second then it is perhaps guilt/shame as you recognised you are not the same person you were 6 years ago. Your life is different and so your patenting and choices will be different. And this totally normal, just needs working on acceptance.

Babies bring their own love with them 😍

I’ve had three boys and breastfed them all, the love and the want to feed them just came with them when they arrived !

I can't imagine loving a second like I love my daughter either or giving as much of myself to another child as I have to her. But I've heard many people say that the second child gets less than the first and you just have to get on with it because you haven't got time to give them the moon on a stick like you did the first. So while the love may come with them, the effort and time doesn't and second children often get less attention and focus than the first born did. People will try to deny it but I've seen it often enough to know it happens.

My dd was 6 when we got pregnant with our 2nd. 7 year age gap though as was 7 when born. I wasnt really ready for a 2nd before she was 6.

I couldn’t imagine it either! But - there it was, soon as DC2 arrived. Total love, for a totally new and unique little person to get to know.

Not weird at all! I loved my first born from the moment he was conceived and couldn’t imagine loving anyone as much as him. We planned our second but got pregnant first month of trying and I spent that whole pregnancy worrying about the impact on my first child. I didn’t feel bonded to my baby in my stomach in the same way I had my first and I think that’s normal, you don’t have the time to obsess over your pregnancy as much once you have an existing child.

However once he was born I loved him so much, he’s a completely different personality to his brother but the funniest person I’ve ever met and incredibly affectionate. My eldest has become the best big brother and seeing their bond makes me love them both even more. Your heart really does just grow ❤️

I think this might be less likely if you have a bigger age gap. There’s 8 years between mine and I’d say the second got more from me because I knew what I was doing, had an easier birth and less of a shock to the system, and my oldest didn’t need as much from me - in fact they loved helping out with their new sibling.

OP I had the same thoughts as you when pregnant with my second but as someone else said the love just doubles.

When I was pregnant with dc2 I was obsessed with the idea that I couldn't, wouldnt love them as much as I did dc1. It really upset me and I was determined that, no matter what, they must never find out.
Of course, from the moment they were born I found that I loved them just as much. Nature is a wonderful thing.

I think every second time mum wonders the same. Then your baby arrives and the love with it.
Second children may get a little less attention but sometimes the constant attention on a first born can be over done. And they get and older sibling and that is priceless.

Thank you all 💕 I appreciate all the different viewpoints
I am a natural worrier and wanted a big gap to make sure I could have as much time with DC2 as possible - I know I won’t get the same experience and have all that time/energy/money but I’ve been trying to get in as good a position as possible