To leave activity because of this?

[Goldfish92]

I have been a member of an activity group for nearly 5 years and I keep going back and forth over the last few months whether I need to have a word with myself or this behaviour is actually near bullying behaviour…

I am always welcoming and friendly to any new members and try to make polite conversation whenever I arrive at the activity but I have noticed one member in particular is creating an “inner circle” that are becoming quite rude to new members and now by extension myself. I used to be friendly with all of the ladies within this group but I’m not sure if they have been guided to not talk to me because now they don’t even acknowledge me! If I initiate conversation it’s minimal and very dismissive. I know that people can choose to be friendly with who they with but it feels rude and exclusionary.

I really enjoy the activity but this is really taking the shine of it, I am putting on a brave face when I go but I feel like I’ve been frozen out and I really don’t know why.

AIBU?

Without knowing what type of activity it is it's impossible to really make any suggestions about how to deal with it

Does it involve working in a team, can you just get on with it by yourself and ignore the others, is communicating part of what makes enjoyable?

Playing hockey or going doing meditation would have different possibilities for example

I suppose it depends on the activity and your personality. If it were something like a Pilates class, others ignoring me wouldn’t bother me and I would continue going and just focus on the class. If it’s something more sociable, I can see how this would be a problem.

If it's a club , I would have a word with whoever runs it, nasty behaviour.

I’d rather not be specific but it involves work together but you can also sit and work on your own as part of the group (sorry not very helpful!) but I am definitely being made to feel like I’m part of the “b team” when I have been there a long time.

@Nighttimenoisethey are very close with the organiser (I think they’re slightly scared of them!) so I don’t know how far I’d get there

I'd leave and let the organiser know why .

Can you do this activity somewhere else? With another group? If so, if just move on.

If this is the only place to do it and you enjoy then I would stick with it. Form your own group from the newer people/other people who are being left out. Continue to be bright and breezy with the 'inner circle group'. Show them that you don't care and they're much more likely to get over themselves/move on to targeting someone else.

Op have you any idea how many people are on here? It won’t be revealing unless you are the only group of people in the world doing this hobby.,

Unfortunately it’s quite a specific thing and there aren’t any others in the area, as I would have moved on if there was without a doubt. I do tend to speak to a few lovely newer members now which makes it easier but I can’t pretend it doesn’t hurt as it is my only social activity I do.

If there is one person in the group you trust, you could say something like:

"Can I ask you something honestly? Lately I've felt a bit on the outside of the group and I'm not sure whether I'm imagining it. Have I unknowingly upset anyone?"

This gives you a chance to learn whether there is an actual issue. It also tests whether your perception is shared by someone else.

You could raise concerns with the leader about the group's atmosphere, particularly for new members, without making accusations.

@BikenutzI have thought about this but I would be worried it would backfire, I know they have a separate WhatsApp group to our official one as I have seen them messaging during the group session to each other so I am worried I’d be the topic 🙁

trying to think what the one person is doing that is rude to new members

I agree with @Nighttimenoise

It's all very unpleasant and childish of these cliquey people but if it's making you miserable then I don't see the point in continuing with the group.

Yes it is very childish and I might confide in one of the newer members who I get on well with to see if she has noticed the same, then maybe we could approach the leader together?

I can’t stand women who can’t make their own decisions about things and get led by some woman about who they can be friendly with. Shame on them.
If you no longer enjoy going then I’d tell the organiser you are inside ting dropping out as you are being made to feel unwelcome

I really hate the cliquish behaviour of some people. esp women. How insecure and desperate are they.
It really isn't good for your self'esteem, Is it? You can either just get on enjoying your hobby or leave. X

Since there are new people you get on with I'd just ignore the clique's bad behaviour. Chat with the new people, be pleasant to the clique and crack on with your hobby.