GP safeguarding referral

[Worryingwalter]

Ex and I have a 5yo DS.

DC is struggling with health issues at the moment. Ex will only message me through an app at handovers so we’ve have little discussion about these issues. We also have different opinions about DC health issues, the information ex has given me is inconsistent with what he’s said before, what I see; what others see and with what DC tells me.

Without my input, ex took DC to the GP saying X was wrong with him. When he told me, I called the GP.

I then booked my own appointment to discuss with GP issues we were having in terms of communication. I asked if there was anyone to help me navigate this as I am also scared of ex’s behaviour towards me (nothing physical).

GP said she may have to refer us to safeguarding due to our communication issues and come up with plan to improve. She said she cannot keep seeing DC with one parent and then call the other to discuss the same issue.

I am worried I’ve made things worse - AIBU?

The GP doesn't have time or funding to be a go between between parents. You need to sort out a system. Would some form of advocacy work?

The gp will have your dc as priority, and they are correct on the safeguarding referral if you tell them you are frightened.
whats the issue? Do you think ex is lying/down playing/exagerrating things?

And yes this too, why would you expect the gp to do this?

I’m not sure why you would call the GP to discuss your communication with your ex. Why will he only communicate through the app? Is there a back story here?

YABU. The GP doesn’t exist to give you relationship advice.

GP can’t effectively treat the child in a situation like this. Irrespective of rights and wrongs if your child is ill you need to find a way to communicate effectively enough that your child gets the treatment they need. I’m not saying it’s easy but the child has to be the priority.

I think a safeguarding referral is perfectly reasonable in this instance. You’ve said that your ex is abusive and he spends time with your DS alone.

As for the health records, I can’t quite remember but are you able to download the NHS app for your DS? If you can do this for DC you’d be able to see the GP’s notes in there.

Well you have made it worse, what an odd thing to do.
This does make it seem like your own anxieties are making this situation worse, booking a GP appointment to talk about what your child’s father said during a previous appointment is not rational or appropriate.
The GP’s referral sounds necessary.

I work in healthcare and can understand why the GP thinks a safeguarding referral is appropriate. If you are genuinely concerned about the health and welfare of your child you should welcome this move.

You’ve asked for help with navigation- they’ve referred you for help, whether that be the safeguarding team or social services.

Good luck moving forward.

What help did you want from the GP with communication if not a referral?

Your ex had told you what the GP had said though.

The GP had absolutely no choice but to report this. You went to her and said that you were scared of your ex’s behaviour towards you? What else was she supposed to do with that information?

The GP is putting the needs of the child first, which is the correct thing to do.

Yon can’t have separate appointments with doctors to talk about what happened in a different appointment. Not on the NHS anyway.

Can’t you both get the NHS app so you see all DSs letters etc

Here’s the link to getting joint access to your DCs NHS app.
https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-app/help/profile/family-and-carer-access/

Im surprised the GP didn’t tell you about it!

Who does the child live with most of the time? Have you got a court order? What is the health problem?

Totally appropriate on behalf of the GP. It's not their role to act as relationship counsellor between parents.

I think the GP did the right thing.

If DS is unwell then both parents needs to be fully aware.

You spoke to the GP asking for help and that’s exactly what they’ve done.

I’m not sure what the issue is.

Don’t worry. It sounds scary but it really is the right thing to do. It will help you both

I think this is the crux of it.

It is a very niche issue so I don’t want to be outing but, basically, dad won’t talk to or discuss this with me (or anything). I just get a handover message when DS is coming back into my care. Dad hasn’t physically spoken to me in months, even when I say hi to him at school events, etc.

Dad is seeing one thing, I see another. DS and school also have input into this issue. It’s really hard to piece it together and effectively communicate healthcare without that communication.

Dad took DS to the GP without giving them my side of things, and what I see (I have DS 60% of the time). So I spoke with the GP about my concerns that they’re acting without the bigger picture.

I cannot force dad to communicate with me, it’s how we get around that. It’s embarrassing and ridiculous that I do have to contact the GP but that’s the position I’m in.

I also wanted to know if there was anyone I could speak with about how to navigate this as I’m walking on eggshells all the time.

There is also a CAO in place.

Your GP is correct, it is not up to her to sort your issues out and it sounds like a SG referral is 100% justified in these circumstances.

Good there will be someone else involved. In court exh denied ds had a medical issue. Insane behaviour..
Oddly when ds had an appointment (split up but I hadn't moved out yet)he hid my keys so I was unable to attend. . He was well aware ds had extra needs but sismy want that mentioned in court as he clearly was unable to meet those needs..

That doesn’t sound like what’s happening here though.
the ex is taking the ds to the gp, or do you think the gp is going to collude with ex and deny health concerns?

Now there will be no hiding anything that should be shared between the parents...

My exh denied another ds basic medical care which resulted ds ending up in hospital. Again wasn't involving me until ds text me himself. Exh went mad...issue would have gone against exh in court...your ds having more involvement could ensure his safety.

Again @Gardenisablooming the ex doesn’t seem to be denying medical care?

Rather than booking an appointment with the GP to discuss communication issues, I'd just send a message online with any extra info they need about your dc, so they can take it into account.