AIBU to feel unable to cope with my teenage daughter's behaviour?

[Elphabayo]

Im
at my wits end with my 15 year old. I just constantly get screamed at no matter what I do. My cooking is shit, I’m shit, her life is shit. I feel like I’m breaking my back yet we cannot even have a day out without it going wrong. She does have adhd but I just feel like I can’t cope with it anymore for years iv done this on my own with no help at her beck and call lifts money the lot. And although I don’t do it for her to be grateful I think she’s now spoilt and entitled. I’m scared to invite people around because if she is unhappy she will say any type of stuff to me. One time I told her she couldn’t have amother of crisps and she said in front of all my friends well you eat a whole multi pack one affect mother . I was really fat and although I don’t do that I was mortified and could feel the smirks. I’m really getting sick of it now and I have tried all I can. She won’t go to her dad’s. She won’t do anything other then go out at night on the weekend. She has problems with friends and has a my way or nothing attitude
I feel so lonely in this house I cannot go out or she will just do as she pleases and I’ll have to return and I can’t invite people round.

I have had enough and no matter what she won’t consider me or even spend time with me nicely and I feel like I just cannot try anymore. Iv given up all hope right now and don’t know what to do

I know she loves me deep down but I feel I can’t keep going on like this

Is she on medication for her ADHD?

It sounds really tough OP and I can understand how lonely and unappreciated you must feel.

What do you do when she speaks to you like shit or shouts and screams? You come across as being a bit frightened of her which sadly will make her respect you less, I think it’s time to get tougher.

Don’t do or pay for anything for her until she changes her attitude and take a total step back so she can learn to appreciate you, no lifts, no money or phone and if she wants it she earns it by getting a job or helping out at home.
If she makes nasty comments in front of other people don’t act hurt and go quiet - pull her up on it and it might seem harsh but I’d actually say something like “it’s no wonder people don’t like you when you speak to people like that”.
She needs a taste of her own medicine to understand how she’s making you feel. I know that sounds awful speaking to your child like that but you aren’t doing her any favours if she acts entitled and spoilt.

Can you book yourself a break away for a few days and take her keys and send her to her dads so she has no choice? The break from each other might do you good and she’ll realise that you aren’t just there to run round after her.
Don’t act like a victim or people end up treating you like one.

My sister went through a phase like this at a similar age where she was ruling the roost at home and my mum gave into the screaming and tantrums for a quiet life. My sister also made hurtful cutting comments to me and my mum about our appearance and weight until one day my mum told her what a nasty little bitch she was being and said she wasn’t doing anything for her until she learned to appreciate it.
My dad thought she was completely out of order and wanted to give in when she was asking for things but my mum insisted she got a job and stopped running round after her, it took a few weeks but my sister did change and when she grew up she was a much nicer person and me and my mum had a great relationship with her.

Please don’t let yourself keep being abused because she is abusing you and the ADHD might be a reason for some of it but not an excuse.
I hope things improve for you and this phase will pass.

I’m sorry to sound harsh OP but if you’ve been “at her beck and call” you (and I’m assuming her father) have created this situation and you now need to take drastic steps to address it. Where is she going out at night at 15? And who is paying for this? You need to start issuing some proper consequences: no phone, allowance or nights out until she can learn to show you some basic respect. ADHD can make teens difficult but doesn’t excuse verbally abusive, entitled behaviour. It’s time to take back control for her good and yours. Don’t lose hope - the teenage years can be hell (certainly were for DS) but they come back to you in the end!