How to get over being disappointed about a guy?

[DaffodilsOrDaisies3]

Sorry, not sure why I’m even posting this because I know nobody can change it or wave a magic wand. I just feel so gutted and think I just needed to get it all off my chest

I’ve got a guy best friend who over the last year so I’ve become extremely close with. We message constantly (basically all day everyday!) meet up several times a week and we just click. We chat about EVERYTHING and he’s been a soulmate as a friend if that makes sense. There’s just something about us that clicks together perfectly

recently our chats have become a bit more flirty and sexual and I started to think he might have feelings for me or possibly just a FWB kind of situation as I know he’s not looking for a relationship at the moment. I obviously don’t want to put out exact messages but it’s just become more sexual and sort of flirty messages. He hinted to me SO many times that he liked me, and tonight whilst he was saying how there’s nothing wrong with friends being sexual if both parties know it’s not a relationship and how he said would only want to do it with someone he really knew and liked.

I thought this was the perfect time to ask him to what he thinks about us and if he thinks about us in that way to which he basically put no haha, I don’t feel anything, etc etc

i know I sound so silly and ridiculous but I just feel gutted. I really liked him and was so unsure if he liked me but I guess at least I have an answer now. I would love us to be a couple because honestly we click so well together and even he has mentioned how we’re basically soulmates! But I knew he didn’t want a relationship atm so I thought from the way he was talking that he just wanted some casual fun. But it turns out I was completely wrong together and now injust feel so confused because our messages are definitely more than normal friends, and he had hinted about us SO many times, but then when I ask him he kept saying how he doesn’t feel anything and basically isn’t attracted to me

this is the first guy I’ve ever liked, and I just feel so heartbroken tbh. Does it get easier? Does anyone have advice on how I can get over the gutted feeling (and also embarrassment because now the friendship will be unbelievably awkward going forward because of me) x

Don’t second guess yourself. His messages to you were sexual and flirty; it’s there in black and white. Don’t allow him to make you doubt yourself.
My feeling is that he enjoyed the ego boost of making you fall for him. And now that you’ve laid out your feelings - as is the normal, natural and straightforward thing to do! - he has backed right off.
Watch him come back to you when he has no luck elsewhere. But be wary of this guy. He might have been a decent friend, but he’s not partner material. And has proven this with his gaslighting

Sounds like you dodged a bullet. He was obviously flirting with you and enjoying the attention! He's messing you about and that's not ok. He's not a friend, he's a player.

Do you think there is any possibility that he misunderstood you?

It is just possible that he thought you were not being serious when you said whatever you said and he backed off so as not to feel embarrassed.

Only you were there but otherwise it's odd that according to you he's talked about this before but closed you down now.

It’s not odd, if you’ve experienced modern dating and know what men can be like 😄

It’s not odd and unless he’s additional needs he didn’t misunderstand, he likely jist thought it was a laugh and the op read more into it than was there.

Honestly I just don’t understand it at all

I’ve had male friends before and am not at all prudish around them, but even still I feel like the conversations me and this guy were having were not at all friendish and definitely crossed the boundary into flirting. He also hinted a few times about how I should just let my hair down and find someone to have fun with, and how that’s what he was looking for too, and how he thought people of my ethnicity were really hot and I just thought he was flirting and dropping hints. But then when I ask the question he said we have a great friend relationship but he’s not feeling any other vibes between us

honestly I just feel so confused! And stupid for asking because now he thinks im into him and I look like an idiot. Maybe I just misunderstood all of it though (I clearly did since he’s not into me) and everything we chatted about was just as very close friends

oh well. He’s genuinely a great friend and i love our friendship and I just keep thinking how lucky I am to have a great friend in my life, and that way one day when I meet the right guy I’ll have a boyfriend and a great friendship too. It’s gutting but you can’t make someone be into you

I’ve genuinely never cried about a boy or been upset about a guy in the past so this is all new to me haha. Awk well it is what it is x

How old are you, OP?

Early 20s and he’s the same age x

I don't think this guy is as nice as he's pretending to be.

I would probably stop hanging out with him, he isn't being genuine.

Invest your time in finding both friends and romantic partners who are kinder and respect you.

I think you've seen another side of him, and it's not very nice.

It would appear that he's enjoyed making you confused and feeling like an idiot.

Sorry he turned out to be like this. Tread carefully and keep your eyes open. Don't doubt yourself.

If this guy was a great friend, this situation would not have arisen. He’s used you.

He’s used you as a friend, then as an ego boost. He is no friend to you.

A good man would not hurt you like this!

Be ready for…
Actually I was just a bit embarrassed/ got cold feet because I didn’t want to spoil our friendship/ it felt so big it scared me… Let’s date/have sex and see how we feel… oh no, it didn’t feel right… oh I just got scared again… oh I don’t know what I want…

Honestly he could string you along for a life time.

It is confusing but don’t confuse his attention with his intention. Some men just want to know that they could, they want the ego boost, so they start to chase you or flirt with you. Once they’ve got their validation, they then pull back because they don’t actually want you.

Also fully agree with the previous poster and I would also step right back from this friendship. He’s blurring the boundaries whilst retaining plausible deniability (oh I said I didn’t want more!).

I got my heart crushed in a very similar situation because I was too naive and trusting.

⛳️

Also, talking all day every day, soulmates..classic lovebombing. He’s practicing push/pull on you too.

🚩🚩🚩

I think spend less time messaging him and more time messaging men to find your Mr Right, this guy is not your MR Right, and you're wasting potential time being in a real relationship whilst spending all day messaging him

In my early 20’s I had a ‘friendship’ with a guy. He messaged loads, we did couply type things (beach walks just the 2 of us, he’d cook for me, he’d also flirt, invite me as his plus one to the odd event).. I thought that we had something and then I asked about us being together and he said he didn’t want a relationship. A month or two later I decided I didn’t want to see him as a friend anymore as it was confusing. He replied by saying something along the lines of “funny that, your the second girl to tell me that this week!!”. It turns out I wasn’t the only one - he just liked female company!

Now I’m a bit older (2 decades!) I realised that he was immature and he really didn’t see anything wrong and didn’t realise how I could have misinterpreted his behaviour. It’s time to move on and keep your head high. Know your worth 🙂

He’s manipulative, OP. He’s really not nice at all - he was roping you in and testing the waters til you brought up feelings.

Stay clear. My best friend is male and there’s no flirty texts between us.

He isn't your friend OP. To be honest I personally think very, very few men have genuine friendships with women. I'd step back from him altogether.

I agree with pp, there are a lot of men who just want to know they could have you, but don't actually want to.

We need, in general, to be less nice to men in my opinion

Hard concur 👌