To be utterly fed up of listening to my friends complain about their partners all the time?

[HalfWomanHalfFish]

Late 40s. Single for seven years. I have completely de centered men from my life. No Interest in dating/having relationships with them.

Over the past week I have met up with three different friends. During each catch up a good 80% of the conversation has centred around the shitty (and I really do mean seriously shitty) behaviour of their husbands and partners. This is a reoccurring theme. Yet none of them ever make any moves to leave the partners who at best don't give a toss about them and, at worst, actively hate them.

It's getting to the point that I feel like I have nothing to add to the conversation about my own life. I have hobbies/interests. I do stuff and go places. Yet because I have no tale of woe to share about my shite husband none of it gets much air time.

I've come away from all these meetings filled with rage about the horrors men inflict on women and frustration because I know my friends will do nothing about their situations.

Does anyone else feel like this? Or AIBU to not want to listen to it anymore?

YABU to say that none of them have made any moves to leave their partners. As a domestic abuse victim, I can say it is very hard to leave.

YANBU to be fed up of 80% of the conversation x 3 being about bad partners. That sounds gruelllng.

YANBU. I’ve had many friends over the years who would rather be with an awful man than be single. These are otherwise seemingly strong, financially independent women.

It must feel similar for those without children having to listen to the woes of parents. Some people do relationships. You sound sorted and balanced with a good life. Maybe it’s time to say something or phase out a few of these friendships.

YANBU. I really do get tired of meeting up with people who want to only talk about, and focus on, negativity. It's exhausting. I am not a paid therapist for a reason.

It’s happens in work places too. If you’re single colleagues make comments that you’re ’on your own’ (even if you’re perfectly happy with that) then go on to talk about how awful their partners are and how they’re unhappy . But they’ll do nothing about it because being single is still stigmatised and most would rather have a shitty partner than no partner because it shows they’re ‘normal’. YANBU. Maybe get those three friends together and they can moan to each other and try and make new single friends?

That must be really tedious. None of my friends or colleagues do this. We’re all happily married.

I had a friend like this. It gets boring hearing him complain about his girlfriend. He'd then call her and was nice as pie to her

I’ve literally never encountered this, in 54 years of friends across several different countries and colleagues in many workplaces. It sounds both very tedious and also deeply disturbing, but I don’t see what you can do other than tell them to edit their conversation if they don’t want you to help them leave or to stop seeing them.

YANBU. It's not just this topic either - it's draining AF to hear anyone complaining about the exact same thing over and over and over again without doing anything to change it. Especially when you suggest ways to help and they are shot down every single time.

Now obviously it's not easy to just up and leave when you have kids but constant whingeing and whining isnt fixing the issue either, it's just making everyone around them including themselves feel worse. You could respond by saying "so what are you planning to do to fix this?" or "is there anyone who could assist you with leaving?" etc but ultimately if they wont stop then I think the only answer is to distance yourself.

You arent actually helping them by letting this go on and on because complaining endlessly doesnt solve the issue either and it actually makes the issue bigger in terms of the emotional headspace they are giving it.

I was never able to have children and all my friends constantly moan about how hard their life is with children. And then normally go on to have at least 1-2 more. You either just need to suck it up or get new friends. (I did a bit of both).

I suspect it’s because you’re single - that perhaps people feel inhibited from discussing their awful husbands with other coupled-up people.

I’m not sure what the solution is, but I feel for you - it must be frustrating and tedious at the same time.

I had a friend like this. Had! It ended up being so frustrating listening to her. Her partner was obviously such an arsehole. She could see how horribly he treated her but she continued the relationship because she didn't want to be on her own.

One day I said to her, "Why are you with him?!" Her reply was it was for company! She was willing to put up with bad company than no company.

I used to think that she just enjoyed the moan, it was like therapy to her.