To feel like my male friend is trying to sabotage my dating life

[worldshottestmom]

So I've been into this guy at work for a few months now. I'm 29 he's 26. I've known him ages but previously, neither of us were single. Now we both are and have been flirting at work and chatting over DMs (pretty flirty) but he still hasn't made a move. It's been around 2 weeks since things got flirtier, so not expecting him to ask me out yet, if he's even interested.

I was chatting to a male friend of mine about it and asked him what he thinks about it all, as I can't fully tell what he thinks and wanted some male perspective. He seemed almost miffed about it, I can't really explain how just not as banter-y and chatty as he normally is. He ended up basically saying "idk, all I know is know your worth", and then said "it can't be easy getting with people as a single mother".

I didn't want to confront him about it and the time has passed now, but I can't help but think he meant it in a way like 'no-one is going to want you as a single mother'. Now idk if it's my anxiety taking over here in thinking that, or if he just meant it like it can't be easy for me. I did say in my next message "yeah I feel like I'm a write-off for most people tbh" and he just changed the subject.

This friend is 2 years older than me, married, and expecting their first baby in 6 months. I'm the only person he has told, apparently. I find it weird that he likes my selfies etc but just assumed he was in a relationship where that kinda thing didn't matter between them. I always saw and see him completely platonically. We didn't speak for yeaaaars before this beyond the odd hello/how's it going. He messages me pretty frequently now, I never message him first.

Aibu to assume he's trying to sabotage me? I know what he is saying is true, and that people my age don't exactly seek out single mothers to be with, but his message just felt a bit weird and off given how he normally talks. I feel like if my friend said this to me, I would be realistic but still encouraging, not just straight to commenting on them being a single parent.

I'm also wondering if he is just judging me for being a single mum, and sees me a certain way now. Idk could just be the anxiety.

Give me a reality check pls

He seems to be negging you. It doesn’t sound like a very healthy friendship, I’d be inclined to back off a bit. What does his wife think of your friendship?

He’s not a friend if he being unkind.

I don’t see what he said as unkind. Reminding you to “know your worth” reads like he may know something about this guy that you don’t, and you may want to be careful especially as a single mother.

Yeah that's how I felt tbh, it was really confusing because we've always had a very healthy friendship, but as of recent it just feels a bit weird. I do find myself now wanting to not engage with him, but that's why I came here as I didn't know if I was just being a bit silly.

She was always fine with it, she used to join in hanging out with us in the past and I really like her, we get on well. The thing is, I live in a different city to them now and him just suddenly striking up conversation regularly seems unusual to me. Idk if she knows that we talk now, not that she really needs to tbf as we don't flirt or anything like that, it's just normal chit chat.

He’s your friend

You need to take this up with him no matter how many different theories you get here.

Yeah that was my initial thought and what made me make the post really. I can't tell if he was being unkind or I've just misinterpreted his comment/intentions?

Thanks for this, I'm hoping he didn't mean it in an unkind way, I just can't really tell. He doesn't know the guy whatsoever but was maybe just giving a general warning? Idk

What do I say though? I feel like if I ask him about it he'll just take the non-confrontational route to avoid being honest

Just tell him it’s bothering you so you want to clear some things up.

If he’s not going to be honest there’s nothing you can do.

Okay that sounds like a good idea. I do feel I won't be able to speak to him normally if not. If it's obvious he's lying I'll just back off altogether tbh

I don't see that he's being negative at all. To me it reads like he thinks you can do a lot better than the guy you've been flirting with "know your worth" - you're worth more than him. It sounds to me like he thinks flirty guy is a dickhead but doesn't want to bluntly say that.

Hmm, for some reason my brain didn't consider this. But I think maybe you could be right. He doesn't know flirty guy, but I described the encounters we've had/why I'm second guessing if he likes me. Perhaps it was purely based off of that. The single mum comment just threw me off tbh. Starting to think my anxious brain perhaps latched onto that comment and made a mountain out of it due to me being a bit insecure about it.