15yo’s boyfriend here every single day AIBU?

[allgohere]

My 15yo daughters boyfriend is here every single day after school and most of the weekend aswell.

At first I didnt mind because better here than hanging round the streets but its just getting a bit much now. Hes here before ive even finished work some days and then doesnt go home till late. Ive started feeling like ive got another mouth to feed and theres never a minute where theres not someone in the house.

My daughter says all her friends do the same and im making a big deal out of nothing. I dont want to be the horrible mum but I also dont think its unreasonable to want my own house back now and again.

AIBU?

Just tell her he's welcome on certain days

I think it all depends on if they are constantly in shared spaces? Like lounging around on the sofas expecting you to get drinks and snacks and shit. If they are just in her room then I wouldn’t be that bothered.

Saying that, my DD’s BF is very hard work and hardly speaks so I do get annoyed when he is here.

This is the norm for the boy to go to a girls house to jang out. What is his home life/parents like? And is it early on in a relationship? Might lessen as time goes on kids relationships don't last forever!

Hang out.

Yes too much- I would restrict the days.

Are there any other children in your family? I'm asking because when I was 16 and my older brother was 19 (we also had a younger brother of 7), his girlfriend was round our house every night after school and most weekends. They lopped about in the front room, often play fighting, snogging, etc and it was dreadful (my parents would be out or in another room). I had to retreat to my bedroom even though I wanted to watch the TV (this was 1974 - there was only one in the house). It pissed me right off.

OP, you need to tell your son the days when she is welcome and for how long.

Decide on days and times. Welcome here on Tuesdays and Thursday but out by 8.30. Every other Saturday until 10.00
I was pretty old school with my older daughters. Didn't want a house full of teen girls and boys and a small one as well.

That sounds intense. When is she hanging out with friends, or doing homework/revision, family time, hobbies etc?

My daughter says all her friends do the same and im making a big deal out of nothing.
It's not nothing to you: you aren't, understandably, happy about never having privacy in your own home
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And even if her friends do the same that doesn't mean to say you have to allow this. It's your home, your rules

I agree with pp that you should allow him to come to your home on certain specified days, but definitely not everyday.

This is where you roll out the old I’m your Mum and not your friend’s Mum and lay out some ground rules. Approach it with a view to comprising, I always started with a much harder line than I really wanted to but then DC thought they were ‘winning’ when they negotiated and I agreed to give in a bit.

I think it's too much op. When is she getting the time to study or just have her own space? That sounds extremely intense for 15 and I'd be having that conversation with her. I'd tell her that in a healthy relationship it's very normal to have some space for yourself so you can spend time separately with friends or family and I'd ask her what she thinks a fair balance would be. I'd also be saying that it might feel unfair to his parents if they never get to see him anymore and it's unfair to you having to pay for feeding him so much. I think you need to specify certain days and I'd be trying to get her into a hobby or something so she's meeting others and not just with him all the time. How often is she seeing her friends etc without him there? If she can't come up with a fair set of days then I would be doing it for her because it is also possible he's putting pressure on her and she doesn't feel she can say no.

Tell her he’s only welcome on the weekends. That would drive me nuts.

Your DD is pulling a fast one. I like my own space and privacy so I wouldn't allow it. Is everything OK in the BF household? Its summer so DD needs to go for a walk out or something.

Why aren’t they ever at his ?

are you feeding him each night ?

sounds too much far too fast

Is this them having sex or just hanging out? Suggest he goes home to eat?

It's too much OP. Aside from whether it's healthy for them to spend all that time together, you're entitled to space in your own home and I would tell her so. It doesn't matter what she thinks her friends do. Having said that, what is likely to happen if you do restrict the visits (would they go to his or somewhere else?) and would you be okay with this or would you rather have them at yours in the scheme of things?

Far too much. Say from now on he can come on Wednesday evenings and Saturdays after 12 (or whatever works for you) and stick to it.

At 15 that is far too much time to spend with each other. For any age tbh.
He has almost moved in bar sleeping.
What is his home life like ?

Nope, I wouldn't entertain this. The boyfriend would be more than welcome, but on set days and certainly not all evening. I'd be concerned that they were concentrating way too much on each other, than homework.

It doesn't matter what other children are allowed to do by their parents, it matters what you feel is reasonable and therefore are willing to allow.

It's not healthy for your daughter to be spending all her free time with her boyfriend, every day.

That would be a complete no. In her room. At all. No.

She needs time to herself and time for her friends, so I think some limits are reasonable. No more than three evenings Mon-Fri, maybe, and either Sat or Sun but not both.

What will happen during the summer holidays? Will she have the house to herself to have him over all day every day?

If they are just in her room then I wouldn’t be that bothered.

Well you would be if she ended up pregnant.....

Tale the controls OP. It's your house.

Ugh that’s grim. Your daughter is so young- When does she have her own space? Her own time with her family or friends ? And you get no privacy in your own home. Definitely restrict the days he is welcome and say he has to leave by a certain time in the evening etc etc.

Is this my DS?

Please stop feeding him, your cooking is too good. And your house is too lovely, and big.

Please just give them time limits, we’ll back you up! (He has homework and clubs he should be doing too!)

Well my older children are all grown up and that didn’t happen. Also we have a rule that doors stay open when BF’s are at ours if under 16. We also talk very openly in our house and my DC respect the house rules.

I’m not an idiot, I know my older DC have sex because they talk to me about it. They also know that they aren’t to do it in the house when we are all home because my younger DC might walk in.