AIBU to not go on planned holiday .

[Spicymama2]

Never used AIBU before..but I want honest answers so ...
4of us booked for a holiday
2 adults parents ..and 2 adults children
Myself and the 2 adult children have diagnosis of autism and ADHD
Eldest adult child 28. Has refused to come on the holiday..
Middle adult child 26 is home but at work and will be around ISH ,of an evening.
Last time this happened Eldest child with autism was not great mentally when we got back and the two other adult siblings had not visited him as promised.
So youngest adult child with autism and DH ( who hasn't a diagnosis of anything but definitely needs one )..have loads of things they want to do .. basically leaving me at the holiday house with two dogs a couple of times for half a day ..or expecting me to come for the day and dogs ,to places over an hour away ,I'm not the slightest bit interested in .
This is holiday by the beach..and last time we went I didn't get a single half day on the beach .
I suggested they leave me on the beach ,or in the town and they go with the dogs to their days out .
That was met with a no ..as they can't manage the dogs where they want to go ..so I need to have them ..
.I can't have a nice day relaxing on a beach with 2 dogs.
Maybe you can ...I definitely can't ..
DH also said no, because they don't want to have to be dictated to about time , having to come back early to pick me up ..
So ive said I will stay home with dogs and eldest child with autism
Obviously that was not met favourably ..they are not happy
Other Adult Dc can not have the dogs as at work.. kennels won't take them as one dog has a life limiting illness and they were not confident taking them because of that .so dogs always end up coming...
So ..AIBU ?

YANBU - sounds shit to me. What about a dog-sitter?

What if yous just left the dogs in the house while you went out?

I don't understand who is going? You said eldest refused to go and youngest will stay at home and middle is going, what other DC is going?

Is it both DC who are going and dh want to go off doing stuff which leaves you with the dogs? And that is not a fun holiday for you? Plus you'll be worried about youngest DC.

Yes, don't go. Or agree what will happen each day before you go and make sure you get to do the things you want to.

YANBU. Why can’t they have the dogs on half the days so you can go to the beach?

Book a beach holiday for yourself and leave these selfish twats at home.

Someone coming in
To feed and walk them...
Possible..it's not anything we have ever done before
Eldest son with autism would then be alone in the day with the dogs ,which I always avoid if possible, because he just locks them outside when they bark
And I don't know how would react to someone coming in twice a day to feed and walk them .
It's possible..I hadn't thought of this ..it could be a solution..
I don't know ..but I will think

Because people are incapable of going anywhere without their dogs these days .

You don't have to go @Spicymama2 .
Everyone is an adult, so you're not letting down children or elderly people.
You have good reason for not wanting to go.
Stay home! They'll be fine, they'll hopefully have a great time and won't have to worry about you and the dogs.

4 adult children aged between 20 to 30
Two have diagnosis
Two do not
The two that do not have diagnosis are working and not coming on the holiday

My thoughts exactly

It's more likely a condition of the rental that dogs aren't left unattended.

Your not allowed to do that in this holiday place

Well that is completely different to what you wrote in the OP.

How so ...
Sorry

You can stay home sure.

But does that mean you can never go on holiday again because your family are selfish enough to insist you look after the dogs every day?

In your op, you wrote a couple of times for half a day...that doesn't seem a lot out of the whole holiday, when you could actually go on the outing as well if you wanted to, all be it taking the dogs.

Why not just have a plan before hand thay dh and child do what they want those days, and you either join or chill at the accommodation with the dogs if you don't fancy it, then a couple of days you all do beach/something you may all like together and then you get a full beach day either alone or everyone, including dogs but not you alone with the dogs?

Seems a bit much to miss the whole holiday for a couple of half day trips that you don't fancy.

Feels like with a bit of planning and compromise, everyone could do what they wanted some days of the holiday

Yep ,that's possible
The holiday is Monday to Friday,so only 3 full days
And two days they have plans where I'm expected to come ,or stay home with dogs ..and I don't want to do either
I'm probably using eldest child with autism as a bit of an excuse to not go
He's been ok before,left home with the others ..but I don't really like doing it ,he's not their responsibility,he's mine ..
I don't know ..hence my AIBU

My DPs use a dog sitter who has the dogs to stay with her in her house. They drop them off before they go away, they stay with her the whole time, they collect them when they get back. However, they book this woman months in advance, so it could be hard to find this sort of situation if you don't have long until your holiday. In your situation though, this is the sort of set up I'd be looking for. It's not cheap, but it's better than going on holiday and being stuck in the accommodation on your own with the dogs while everyone else goes out and has a nice time and you have a shit time!

It sounds horrible. A few days peace would be nice. In the comfort of your own home.

So we had trials at two kennels we used with previous dogs we owned.
Neither dog would eat or drink the whole night and both kennels said ,in view of that ,they didn't feel they could commit to taking them ..plus one dog has life limited illness that means he needs extra care ,and they weren't confident managing him.
So I've not looked at anything else dog wise
I don't know if someone would want them in their home either ..I couldn't in all honesty say they wouldn't soil inside

Seems very unfair you’re the only one who doesn’t get to do what they want on holiday, and are burdened with care of presumably family dogs. Why do your DH and adult DC object to the idea of you staying home? Why are they so desperate for you to come, only to selfishly restrict how you spend your time there? (I have an idea but could be wrong).

I’m staying home with my autistic teen DS this year while DH and DD go away. I’m looking forward to the peace of only having the 2 of us to think about for a few days. Honestly less stressful than a holiday.

I suppose I do all the cooking and buy the food when we are there.....
It will definitely be easier without dogs
And easier without me ,as I always need a wee ,so they won't have to stop as much to let me wee 😂
Hopefully they will come round and see it's for the best

Pack a small bag. Walk away. Never look back. Life is short and isnt actually meant to be that shit.

I suppose I do all the cooking and buy the food when we are there.....

Yup, I suspected that. And the end of holiday clean too no doubt. You’re basically there to facilitate their holiday. Nah, stuff that.

Did you miss the bit where I said I have autism and ADHD...I've obviously given It my children..so it is my fault they are like this
I didn't get diagnosed untill very late in life
If I'd known I had autism and ADHD I would never of risked passing it on through having children..my eldest has so many more needs than me.. far worse.
They are my responsibility..I would never walk away..no matter how unhappy I am ..and yes ..this is not how I planned my life .
And yes ..I have definitely thought many times about doing just what you suggested..but the thing with being an adult is ,we have to live with the decisions we make .

No I didn't miss it.