To report my colleague to management for unprofessional behaviour ?

[SunConure]

So there have been redundancies in our department and also redeployments to lower grades. It’s been a stressful process but I recently found out I have kept my job. Unfortunately the person doing a similar job at the same grade has not kept hers. Perhaps naively, I tried to help her in various ways, we even discussed a job share. Now I find out from various colleagues that, on more than one occasion, she is going around telling all and sundry that I did not deserve to get the job as “she doesn’t know anything about
science” and “her research is not aligned to what the department wants” and “she shouldn’t even be in our team”. It’s making other colleagues uncomfortable to have to listen to this and one or two asked her to stop. AIBU to report her to management and ask them to deal with it? I could ignore it but the way she is trying to undermine me makes me think it needs nipping in the bud right now and also that management should know about it so they maybe think twice about redeploying her. She is always nice to my face and she doesn’t yet realise I know about how she’s behaving. I could bring it up with her but I know from experience she will deny,
minimise and pretend it was not as bad as it actually is.

Without any solid proof, management won't want to hear about any gossip. Chances are they may be aware anyway if your colleague has moaned about you to so many people, so many times.

Either confront her in a professional manner or ignore her. I mean, really keep away, head down, get stuck in and don't gossip back to any of your more fair minded workers.. No interactions unless work related, no trying to help inn future! Some people are just rotten.

In your next 121 with your manager, I’d say - “I’m sure you will already be aware, apparently there are rumours that x is criticising me, understandably it’s a tricky time for a lot of people and I don’t know what’s gossip or what’s true. My approach is that I’m leaving it with you (the manager) to deal with if needed, and I don’t intend to get involved myself.”

I could ignore it but the way she is trying to undermine me makes me think it needs nipping in the bud
Reframe it. She is undermining management and their decision-making. Try dropping that into conversations with higher-ups.
Do it all with a tinkly laugh, ofc. Don't raise official grievances, just play her at her own game of, erm, describing the situation.

Do you want ro be direct about it?
To her face, in front of others if you like (though maybe a bit petty and not professional).

'Oh X I've been meaning to ask, I'm looking to get more training and experience in X (whatever it is she says you are shit at/dont know enough about), is there a course you would recommend?'
Maintain eye contact, soft smile and slight head tilt.
See what she says to your face.

She might be bitter and bitchy, but others are shit stiring. It might be better just left alone.

It makes less sense for someone you've tried to help to slag you off than for the people you haven't to make up rumourd I.e. your colleagues.

Don't make their concerns your own otherwise you're fighting someone else's battles.

There's every chance they make be telling you this stuff because they don't like her but want you to do the dirty work of taking on a complaint while they keep their hands clean.

Yes. This is bizarre.

Hearsay, which is what this is, is not admissible in law. If you go to your manager, they may speak to her but it won’t necessarily stop her. Speak to her and tell her what people have said, she may feel embarrassed enough to stop. If she defends herself suggest she sets up a meeting with you, her and managers where she can air her grievance.

But that’s precisely what all your colleagues are doing, and you too! They’re slagging her off to you, you’re slagging her off to us.

I think the key thing here is that management have already made their decision based on performance, suitability, and the needs of the department. The proof of the pudding is in the eating, they selected you, not her. That speaks louder than anything she’s saying.

What she’s doing now isn’t just unkind, it’s unprofessional. Colleagues have already told her to stop, which shows it’s making people uncomfortable. You tried to help her, even discussed a job share, so you’ve acted in good faith throughout. She’s reacting out of disappointment, but that doesn’t give her licence to undermine you or damage your reputation.

You have two reasonable options:

1. Speak to her directly Tell her calmly that several colleagues, independently, have told you what she’s been saying. Acknowledge that you understand she’s upset about the outcome, but it’s not your fault and the comments need to stop. She’ll probably minimise or deny it, but the point is to set a boundary and make it clear you’re aware.

1. Report it to management if it continues. Not in a punitive way, but because it’s a pattern of behaviour that’s affecting the team. They need to know she’s creating discomfort and undermining a colleague, especially if redeployment decisions are still being made. It’s perfectly reasonable to ask them to address it.

Ignoring it rarely works, people who behave like this often escalate when they think no one is challenging them. Nipping it in the bud is sensible and protects your professional standing.

You’re not being petty. You’re protecting your reputation and the team’s working environment but at the same time you can have some compassion that she feels rejected and they did pick you, which is a bitter pill to swallow and so give her a chance to rein it in.

Very odd. Management may have good reason to let her go.

its definitely unprofessional, she’s obviously aware that it might get back to you and just doesn’t care
id speak to your manager informally at first asking for advice how to deal with it frame it as being concerned that she’s undermining your experience/abilities and you don’t want others believing her comments.
I wouldn’t approach her directly, she may twist anything said to make it appear you’re bullying her

shes obviously bitter and disappointed with the decision but that doesn’t mean she can bad mouth you without and repercussions.

Keep careful detailed notes by emailing everything said to you and by whom.
They may be useful.

Definitely do not recommend her or give any positive feedback.
If asked you can cite her unprofessional behaviour.

I wouldn't approach her.
I would speak to your manager informally and tell them you have kept detailed notes in case a grievance is necessary.

Definitely kill any job sharing in your conversation with your boss and this can be your reason for bringing it up.

@Soontobe60 I’m not finding your replies helpful at all. I’m asking for advice on what to do. Please try to be kind

I would not confront her. If she is comfortable talking about you to anyone who will listen, she’ll be just as comfortable turning any conversation that you have as being some form of harassment.

I would also guess that this type of chatter will be trickling back to management. People will get sick of it and she’ll be hoist by her own petard soon enough.

Note what has been said and who was party to the conversations. You may need it later - you may not. Withdraw - and be professional and no more.

If the matter about job-sharing is raised? Let it be known that this no longer works for you.

Don't get dragged into the drama.

I disagree that going to her or management about what other people have told you is a good idea because you are in hearsay territory there.

The only thing you can realistically do is say to the people, who have told you what she has said, that as you can’t go to management with hearsay would they please tell management ?

You must be one of these nightmare colleagues that no one can trust...

You can’t really report her for something you haven’t actually heard her say yourself, for all you know it is just rumours and gossip. You can’t assume it to be true.

If you do report it you are also incriminating the people who have told you; it is just as unprofessional of them to repeat what she’s allegedly saying to you as it is for her to be saying it about you in the first place. If you think it’s unprofessional to talk in this way why didn’t you shut down the people who’ve told you this as soon as they started trying to tell you about it?

Unless she has said this directly to you you’ll need evidence if you take the matter to management. Will your other colleagues support you as all you have at the moment is hearsay…….annoying I know but that’s a fact.

@senua a few of us we were generally discussing how to keep everyone in the team and it was put forward as an option and I would have done it (before current incident ofc). As I’m 58 and quite fancied phased retirement. And if it would have helped keep the team intact may have been worth it. That was discussed at an earlier stage

Life really is to short your at work not school
what does it matter reflect more on them than you presuming there’s no truth in what she’s saying

go ahead and report but obviously for it to go anywhere the people who told you will get dragged into it and have to give a statement which I doubt they’d thank you for or even be willing to to do

also things like this can backfire as you said they might look at her in a different light as they may you as someone who goes off complaining to management about gossip

Hi op I would ask the people who told if they are ok with you bringing it up with her and if they say yes have a word say I believe x y z has been said about me. You feel free to tell all the lies you want but for the record I was going to suggest we job share but I won’t be now as I cannot trust you anymore. I hope you are happy in telling your lies to my friends who do not believe you. Also please feel free to say it to my face we are not at school now. This will stop her in her tracks. It’s not professional to slag colleagues off but it happens daily.

This is not a criminal case- it’s workplace bullying. Whether it’s hearsay or not, it doesn’t prevent managers taking action to prevent bullying, or allow them to dismiss allegations.

you can’t be taken to court for ignoring a colleague in work, but it’s still considered bullying.

@SunConure I has this exact issue at work. A colleague was spreading nasty rumours due to professional jealousy. I complained. HR took it seriously and she was given a warning. She was told if she did or said anything else against me, it would be escalated.

it didn’t affect my career. My employers were very understanding

@PrettyPickle thank you for a really helpful, kind and appropriate response to my question

As lovely as a phased retirement sounds, the person you job share with is important.

I would not want to job share with someone desperate to undermine me. It may leave you exposed.

If she’s being unprofessional by talking to others about you then those others are being unprofessional by talking to you about her. There’s 0 distinction. So if you’re reporting her for talking about you then you have to report the others for talking about her.

I’m always suspicious of people who report gossip to the people who are allegedly being talked about because they almost always have their own agenda.

In fact I’d be wondering whether these are actually their thoughts but they’re putting them on her because it’s easy to make her look bitter since she’s the one losing their job, when actually they’re probably the ones who think it.