What do you say?

[IvyMarieSutton]

We were at a wedding yesterday and in the evening time party bit, there was an older man there as a guest. I don't know him. He had a contraption where he took photos and printed them out as cartoon stickers. He asked if my 4 year old would like one and I said that was fine. He took her picture and printed off the sticker. She absolutely loved it! She said thank you and was so delighted with the sticker. My daughter is a very smiley, happy little girl so not surly or anything like that. She then said to him 'will you do my mummy's picture too?'

Now, for context, I am a stickler for manners and always make sure my kids say please, thank you, excuse me, pardon etc. On this occasion my daughter didn't say please. Ordinarily I would have stepped in and reminded her, but he, before I got a chance and almost sternly, said 'what do you say?'. I waited for her to say please but for some reason she just looked at him and suddenly seemed very shy, and he waited and the atmosphere felt a bit off. It felt like a telling off.

I quickly interjected 'say please' and she did, and then he took my picture and printed it out as a caricature. I did not like the exchange. I am very consistent about enforcing manners with my kids but wouldn't dream of bringing it up with a child I don't know in a social setting, in front of their parents. As I said, I am all over the manners things with my kids (and the four year old obviously does still need reminding) but it made me quite on edge. What do you think?

Also think your overreacting, nothing everything has to be a thing! Your daughter forget to say please, he reminded, that's it really, why are you worried about this enough to write a post, I think that's standard and normal interaction and your being difficult looking for something to say.

Massive overreaction. He did nothing wrong

I overheard something similar with a waitress serving a family in the same restaurant I was in recently.

It was a little bit awkward so yanbu to find it awkward. But yabu to be still thinking about it the next day. He possibly just doesn't speak to children very often and got the tone wrong.

I can't believe you even gave it another thought.

I don’t think you’re overthinking it OP. The man’s attitude towards an excited 4 year old at a wedding was inappropriate and unkind, considering she’d already thanked him for her sticker. No wonder she was stumped and unsure how to respond. He was being an asshole.

I think that him insisting on a please wasn't necessary, at a party, to a young child caught up in the excitement. So he was just a guest? Why did he target the children? Did he have children with him?

@IvyMarieSutton This is such a daft thing to be upset about that I have a strong feeling that you are not, in fact, miffed about what was said to your daughter (which was a normal exchange, by the way) but the fact that the man turned your picture into a caricature. I think you should forget about it. What's wrong is you still being so upset that you feel the need to post about it at 4 o'clock in the morning.

It’s not a valid question at all. It’s a total non-situation.

Your OP seems more about you kicking yourself for not correcting her before he did.

there’s a lot of justifying that you usually would and why you didn’t in this circumstance.

The whole interaction is a non event - but maybe the person who needs to be given a break here is you!

enjoy your Sunday.

But It is normal to prompt kids to say please if they forget, that's normal? It's not a slight on you! All kids forget and theres nothing wrong with that conversation, it's quite ridiculous, and ridiculous that im now posting about it too haha, I think it's fine op and looking into a bit much, it's a comment no more no less

Non-issue.

That's a generational thing..They always did it..he was on autopilot..It's not worth getting upset about..

Is it generational? I'm in my 30's and would always do it.

This is silly, OP. You’re making a giant mountain out of a tiny molehill because you felt your parenting was being criticised. You know the whole ‘It takes a village’ stuff? The village doesn’t just involve babysitting, it involves ticking off your children when they’re stepped out of line, according to the ticker off. It doesn’t matter whether or not you’d have intervened.

@Supersleepysheepy Well yes I think this shows parents sometimes now don't hold with their children being nudged into being polite.. Hopefully most parents are still ok with it

YABU. You should be grateful he reminded her. Surely you want your DD to have manners and you won’t always be around to remind her?

This absolute obsession on MN that nobody else ever talks to your child or expects manners from them is batshit.

He was right.

Especially when the ‘It takes a village, but how do I find my village?’ posts are a regular thing on here. The point about it taking a village to raise a child is that not everyone in the village will do things that same way, or the way you would do them.

He’s probably sick of rude kids and preserves his sanity by being a ‘ say please’ promoter. Fair enough.