When do weekends get easier??

[newberry]

I have a baby and a 3yo. I'm lucky because (imo) they are lovely children. Baby is quite easy, and 3yo is a sweet, thoughtful, funny boy.

But, while I adore my children beyond words, I just find the actual act of parenting so hard. I know everyone finds it hard, but based on how I've heard other people talk I think I for some reason struggle with it more. I don't mean I have it harder - I absolutely do not - but just for some reason I seem less resilient or able to cope.

I really enjoy weekdays when they are at nursery and I can just do my day job. I find it so relaxing, calm, freeing - working has become my favourite activity. I dread weekends. Going out is so hard to organise, the bags, the sunscreen, trying to get ready yourself with children running around, the mess, I hate the mess... and, even when you stay in, the whole day is just planning the next meal, preparing it, tidying up the endless messy aftermath, then having to entertain them before the next meal, which I am so bad at, children's games make me want to tear my hair out. I enjoy none of it. I try, for my children, but I enjoy none of it.

Has anyone else ever felt like this? And at what age does it improve??

When you can go out without having to pick a bag.

When the children can play together with minimal supervision.

Mine are 2.5 and 5 now and the weekends are much easier. We’ve been out of nappies for 6 months and they can play without us having to mediate all the time.

The mess hasn’t gone though 🤣

You’re in the trenches! Mine are 10, 6 and 1.5 and we’ve sort of got the hang of it now. I feel like once they’re 4+ it’s much more fun and easy generally. But also you learn over the years how to balance everyone’s energy - an ideal weekend now would look like the one we’ve got right now. Lazy Saturday morning (the 3 of them play together/watch a movie), we get to workout. Take one to a class while rest of us get an ice cream. A birthday party in the park and home by 5 to chill rest of the eve. Tomorrow we will go for a walk and go the cinema, leaving time for admin/work prep/tidying up around it. Might even sneak 40 mins reading a book.

Over filling weekends leads to proper burnout. Under filling leads to madness as they get bored. You need to experiment a bit and find your happy place - but also trust it’ll improve with time cause it does!

It’s not you OP!
I found that too! Mine are both at primary school now and they’re able to play board games, tidy up (with some reminders), go off and play at the park/softplay and entertain themselves a bit too - other than breaking up the argument.
I can stay in bed on a Saturday for a bit, read in the garden and do a bit of work sometimes too.

They do still knacker me out and the arguing drives me nuts but I was like you and it felt relentless and like it would never end.
It will get better. My DH works Saturdays and he never used to see it that I wasn’t just having a day off doing what I want but now it’s a bit easier but now I’m ferrying to clubs and sorting homework.

It is really hard. Mine are five and nearly three and honestly I still find weekends a bit of a slog. Although I met up with friends in soft play earlier and the children actually mostly played independently - result! I remember three and a half to four being a big turning point in independence and reasoning / understanding.

When they get to about 4. Mine are 11, 7 and 4 and weekends are mostly great now. I remember that burning need to get out at the weekend just to keep them busy and stop them climbing the walls but now we can have lazy weekend mornings at home. The older two will mostly occupy themselves. The youngest still wants playing with constantly but at least now it’s things that I can tolerate like colouring, crafts etc. Going out is also much easier now I don’t have to wrangle prams into the car, pack changing bags etc. It does get easier, I promise x

That gives me hope @Borracha

many of my friends are ‘we’re having a chilled day’ and I’m going … how!?

Mine are 5 and 2 and it’s still hard here. I think when my youngest goes to school it might get better as he’ll be old enough to join in playing proper games and hopefully they’ll fight less.

You have my sympathies OP. I hate having to entertain children at home too. I wouldn’t say it gets any easier though I’m afraid, just different. Perhaps it will when my youngest gets older!

Mine are 11, 7 and 4 now and weekends are filled with football matches, gymnastics, swimming, kids parties. DH and I spend the whole time racing here and there. It would probably be OK but even if we’re out on and off all day my 4 year old can still trash the place in 10 minutes, which means we have the cleaning up to do on top of all the activities.

Perhaps when he gets to 5 or 6 he’ll stop that. Here’s hoping anyway!

Are you a single parent?

We always went out as much as possible at the weekends - less mess at home and going for long walks always meant they slept well at night. We had a local deli which did lovely snacks and they were brilliant with children - perfect for easy weekend meals.

Honestly once they begin to have hobbies or things to do. Mine are 5 and 7, we regularly take them on bike rides, swimming, children's parties, parks for hours etc.

We still keep spare clothes in the boot of the car but once they can wipe their own bum, don't need constantly feeding or naps it gets sooooo much better.

I think once both kids are over 5 it gets easier, they are easier and it’s less stressful trying to get anywhere!

Mine are 1 and 3….and I feel the same way! It’s HARD! It’s the constant noise, mess and overstimulation. Then I feel guilty for wishing the time away.
utterly adore them though

Oh goodness, are you me? I also have a baby and 3.5 year old. And a lovely DH who never works or plays golf/fucks off at weekends. And yet I still find them RELENTLESSLY hard. Takes the best part of 45 mins to get everyone out the house even for a nip to the park, once you've done feeds, packed snacks, done nappy changes, toilet visits, suncream for everyone, water bottles, shoes on, hats on, yada yada bloody yada.

Our normal Saturday class got cancelled at the last second this morning leaving me without an activity for the toddler all day. Took her to big Tesco instead to fill time and buy wine.

Park in the afternoon where she had a tantrum. She did watch Cinderella nicely for an hour after lunch. Like you, I do not enjoy playing toddler games at all. Solidarity, this too shall pass. 🍷

DH is a nice dad but he is often working overtime on evenings and weekends or doing DIY. So a lot of the time I'm wrangling two kids by myself and it does feel relentless and exhausting. I'd love to have some family days or even just take one child out by myself while he watches the other but with all the DIY it seems impossible right now. I think it'll be a bit easier once that changes, but I don't think I'll ever love this phase. Sounds like it'll get better in about 3 years from what everyone's saying! Unless I have another 🫠

Agreed on kids getting easier at about 4! You are doing great.

At those ages I think the best way to spend time without going mad is to go to a good friend or family member's house and look after the kids all together. Somehow 2 babies, 2 toddlers and 2 adults is a better ratio than 1 baby, 1 toddler and 1 adult! And do it at a home so you have spare clothes etc and the kids arent escaping all the time. It isn't socialising but at least you have a colleague instead of working alone!

Is it DIY that you’ve both agreed needs doing? If not, I’d say ‘I’m going shopping, there’s room for one in the trolley’ or ‘I need to get XYZ done, I’ll be back in an hour’. When he complains about how hard it is you can open a convo about how hard you find it too and they doing jobs when the kids are with you is very hard. Or if he’s doing overtime on a Saturday can you arrange a one off on sunday - an essential outing children can’t join? Not that doing overtime is bad, he just probably feels quite righteous that he works all weekend, forgetting that you do the hard graft (my husband learnt this the hard way too…if I’m left with the kids at the weekend he will always say thst he realises it’s a big ask! It won’t be forever, but ours are the same age and both are easy on their own, it’s just together it’s relentless!

I remember telling a friend who had younger kids, it gets easier when you can say 'shoes on, let's go out'. Everyone can walk to car without running off.

My youngest would of been about 4