Who’s at fault?

[MadameEtourdie]

We are staying in a lovely holiday cottage for the weekend, with 3 other couples.
Unfortunately yesterday evening one of the couples started to bicker. One partner was cooking at the time and managed to burn what he was cooking.
He then blamed his partner for “making” him burn the meal.
We have tried to stay out of it but they are trying to draw us into their squabble.
It’s causing a horrid atmosphere.
My DH tried to diffuse the situation and has ended up pouring coals on the fire. I feel furious with him for getting involved.
I feel like we should cut our losses and go home.
I’m sitting (hiding) in the bathroom thinking wtf?!!! How did that all escalate.
Who really was at fault?
Any ideas?

Stay out of it and just enjoy your weekend.

If the other couple are arguing and causing an atmosphere then they should be the ones to leave and not spoil everyone else's weekend.

The person at fault is the one who burnt the cooking - but your DH is also at fault for allowing himself to be drawn in: never take sides in a squabble between married friends.

Just go out.

It doesn't matter who was at fault.

What you and the other couple need to do, is sit them down and tell them if they continue to cause an atmosphere, they should be the ones to leave, as they're spoiling it for everyone.

You asking strangers who's at fault, isn't going to change anything.

Id tell the couple that you are here for just one weekend to have a good time and they are ruining it for everyone. Hopefully that will shame them into behaving themselves. If not you and the other couples go out without them.

Do not get dragged into who is at fault but person cooking was at fault imo. I hate people who cant take accountability .

I think that they are all cross with me now because I won’t be drawn in. I wish they would just let it drop.

The third couple have gone home, siting problems with their dog/animal sitters- they have a small holding. I think it’s just an excuse.
It was all alcohol fuelled last night, not this morning though. My DH is an idiot!
Never again!

The one who was doing the cooking is to blame for burning it - that's on him. (Unless the partner physically held him up with weapons and chains, making him unable to get to the stove in time)

The two of them are to blame for being idiots and trying to drag others into a squabble.

I'd just leave. Why sit ducks in a crappy atmosphere?

It will soothe my nerves though! It’s a serious post but a wanted to lighten my own mood a bit. It’s nice to hear a few voices of sanity when you are caught up in a sea of madness.

It's not really a 'sea of madness' though.

You're on a weekend break with 3 other couples and one couple has fallen out.

If they're spoiling your break to the point you feel like you want to go home, you need to speak up.

How do the other couples feel?

It’s everyone’s fault for acting like children. It’s the cooks responsibility to watch the food, someone wants to distract them it’s still their responsibility to keep checking it.
For what reason is he saying it’s his partners fault?

YABU for hiding in the bathroom unless there is more than one bathroom.
YANBU for everything else.

I’m pretty sure that if you hadn’t made it clear the husband was cooking you would get different answers on who is at fault. Generally on MN the husband is to blame.
Personally I think the person choosing to start an argument with someone who is trying to concentrate should also take responsibility.
But really what matters is that you need to go home because two people at this cottage seem to be trying to gang up on the third and getting snotty with you for trying to stay out of it.

You may have meant it lightheartedly, but thinking in terms of who is at fault is not going anywhere. This couple are spoiling your holiday by bickering and trying to involve the rest of you. Tell them this clearly, and ask them to either sort out their issues in private or go home. My guess is that they will be shocked enough to stop.

I’d go out, invite the other couples and leave the bickering one “to give them some space” , hopefully they will realise they’re spoiling the weekend and get their act together. If they are still bickering later on suggest they go home

So there’s only you/husband and them now. Yeah, go home or go out for the rest of the day. They’re ruining it for you.

Don't go home. Especially if the other couple have left already. You'd basically be gifting them a private weekend away in a lovely cottage they've only paid a fraction towards.

They went home eventually.

I think it was something that had been brewing for a long time. All sorts came out. It’s very sad to see the end of a marriage, I do believe that is what has happened here.

We are here now with the other couple. We all feel traumatised. My husband has learned his lesson. Trying to pour oil on troubled waters certainly back fired for him. He got more than his share of home truths!

He is a decent bloke but has his faults like the rest of us. He just didn’t expect 30 years of faults would be rained down on him in 30 minutes.
We all met at uni and unfortunately have a thorough of knowledge of each other. Not one of us had a complete knowledge of the others - until now!

We, the survivors, are going to have a take away and a few glasses of wine and try and work out what happened!