AIBU to worry my ten-year-old seems lonely during the summer?

[Widoeeyes]

We have a ten year old son. No family nearby except elderly mother in law. All siblings live in other locations, and have kids that are a lot older than our son.

when I was young I had lots of other kids: cousins; siblings, neighbours, to spend the summer with: spending time at home or with parents just didn’t happen.

We live right on a busy road. With no other kids his age in the immediate area. So, going out to play casually with other kids isn’t going to happen.

we’ve signed him up for a few classes, planned some day trips and also trying to arrange a few play dates , but the poor boy just seems so lonely when he doesn’t have anything on. As for playdates it’s always me making the effort with other parents to invite their kids over or take them on a trip, no one invites our son.

does anyone else have kids in the same situation? What would you do?

Any scouts or cadets in the area?

Scouts is off for the summer now: he goes to a few activities in the evenings in term time:
so it’s not really an issue as much during term time: but the holidays are when I think he feels it

We were in the same situation. DS was isolated socially but is friendly by nature. I used to take him to places where lots of kids would be (older kids soft play, park etc) and he would make a friend there for the day. He never saw them again but he’d enjoy the day. It was very boring for me but it did give him the interactions he was missing.

How far away do his school friends live?

probably about a mile or two away. We invite them over for play dates, but hardly anyone reciprocates (appreciate everyone has different. Family situations)

up until this year that worked fine: but he’s beginning to feel a bit more awkward now

I would just teach him about road safety and let him cycle over to his school friends. Do they have phones/whatsapp to organise things independently?

I always intended to get ds a phone for secondary school but brought it forward to end of y6 for this very reason.

Do you camp at all?
so many campsites are brilliant for making friends as a big gang of kids and it changes all the time with kids coming and going. They’re in a safe setting (well for the most part I suppose depending on campsite) and if he’s a sociable soul he’ll love it.

Yes, my dc are in a similar situation. We live quite remotely, and sending them to summer camps and classes all adds up. I encourage them to video call friends and family regularly throughout the holidays, and generally keep their routines quite structured so they don’t get massively bored (which I feel intensifies the loneliness). They also get involved in Post Crossing and Post Pals.

Are there any cheaper holiday type clubs or play schemes. The local council or leisure centre sometimes put on 10-2pm type activities.

I’ve put him to a couple of different ones (on different weeks) just so that he gets interaction and some exercise

I’m actually really nervous about him doing this. He’s never really played on the street before: neither have most of his friends
afaik!

It’s tricky if there’s no one from school nearby and no park he can safely walk to.
Ate there any facilities near you? Libraries often run events in summer.

we go to a caravan park a couple of weeks each holiday! So hopefully he’ll meet pals there

I was too! But can't keep them under our wings forever.

It’s very area dependant. I’m on a new build estate near a park so the kids go there and play football etc. or I see them on bikes.
A big local employer runs a great play scheme for a week it’s £95 for 5 days but inc lots of trips and activities.
There’s also a pond on our estate and tween boys seem to spend time there fishing.

The new build estates and council / housing association estates seem to have lots of kids living in them and more chances for kids to play outside. We live just outside of a city centre beside several main roads

I know!!!!!! He’s just started to walk to school on his own (well, with a wee lassie he is pals with) and I track him the whole way there

But it sounds like you have at least 2 DC whereas the OP (presumably) only has one, so it's not the same situation.

OP, I would just keep doing what you're doing - lots of days out, even locally to shops/library/ cafes/ swimming etc, a few clubs and keep plugging away at the playdates, inviting friends over or to meet up often, even if it's not reciprocated. Has he actually said he's bored or lonely? Or is some of it only child guilt?

I worked full time so I signed my ds up for the local council holiday club. It was in a local senior school. At 10 they were allowed to take their bikes,and cycle the grounds once all the gates were locked. He spent the summer tearing around in a little tribe in between meals and other activities.

What I did was to keep inviting dc to play, and not worry if they don't invite back. My focus was on my own dc getting the social life they needed!

he hasn’t even said it: but he nags constantly for me to ask his friends mums if they can come over. We went to a small local fair with a pal this afternoon. He was desperate for his pal to come over for dinner and to play football after: but his pal had to go to his dads.

He’s had another good friend since being a baby: but I think they’re drifting apart: his friend will be due to come over and then just cancel after the time he was due to arrive: while my son is anxiously pacing the house waiting for him. He is then quite upset.

I work 4 days a week so my 8.5 yr old goes to school summer club which is just him and the other kids with working mums having day trips, sports, crafts, they take their scooters and their games consoles and a packed lunch. He says it's like having a big playdate at school his sports club all do well long summer schemes too.

Oh bless him. I'm not sure there's much else you can do other than what you're already doing and keep inviting friends over but explain to him that sometimes they may be busy. Do you have any family friends with similar aged DC? Presumably not long till he starts secondary when they start to sort out their own social life more and become a bit more independent getting around.

Is the girl he currently walks to school with an option.
Another is a pgl type holiday but that’s expensive.
Have you tried asking on any of the chat groups for the activities he does eg cubs chat f anyone free for a play date.