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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have wanted more consistency?

7 replies

GoldenGold · 03/07/2026 10:25

A couple of months ago, my ex got back in touch by email after a year of no contact. He hasn't seen the children in three years. The email was long and very apologetic. He said he was sorry for the way he'd treated both me and the kids, and that he'd like to rebuild contact again if they wanted to see him.

I replied because it clearly seemed to have taken a lot for him to send the email, even though several people advised me to just block him. We exchanged a few messages, but I noticed he didn't really ask much about the children.

Now it's been three weeks and I've heard nothing at all. No messages asking how they are, no checking in, nothing.

Am I wrong in thinking that if he was genuinely serious about rebuilding a relationship, there would have been more consistency? One of the biggest issues in the past was that he was incredibly inconsistent. He'd go months without seeing or contacting the kids and never seemed to understand why that was upsetting for them.

To me, three weeks of silence after such a big email feels like history repeating itself, but I'm wondering if I'm looking at it too negatively. What would you think? I’m not expecting daily or constant contact but I think at least a weekly check in to show he is serious.

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Gardenisablooming · 03/07/2026 10:27

Id bet a new gf on the scene has prompted him to act like a df who cares.
He isn't and doesn't. Block him and move on..

GoldenGold · 03/07/2026 10:30

Gardenisablooming · 03/07/2026 10:27

Id bet a new gf on the scene has prompted him to act like a df who cares.
He isn't and doesn't. Block him and move on..

I don’t really think it’s that as he has told me previously that he doesn’t tell women he has kids as it would make him look bad (yes I know how awful that sounds!)

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WelshRabBite · 03/07/2026 10:32

He was probably between girlfriends and was hoping you’d welcome him back into your bed 🤷‍♀️

I hope you have at least got CMS taking maintenance from him, I reckon that’s the most you can hope for with this guy.

GoldenGold · 03/07/2026 11:23

We’ve been split up 10 years so it would be very weird if he was thinking that! I’m just glad he has shown he hasn’t changed before seeing the kids again 🤦🏻‍♀️

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Darragon · 03/07/2026 11:29

Did you ever specifically say to him “when can you see the kids?” or did the email exchange never actually get to the point? Because I can see why he would stop replying if he said in his first email that he wanted to see the kids then several emails down the line neither of you had actually made a plan. I’m not saying he’s right to do this but he’s clearly a lazy fucker who needs a hard sell to see his own kids and it’s now up to you to decide whether you’re going to walk him through this yourself or leave him to crawl back under whatever rock he came out from under. What is best for the kids do you think?

GoldenGold · 03/07/2026 11:33

No as it wasn’t going to be that simple. It’s been 3 years. He would need to show some consistency first through indirect contact and it would need to build up to physical contact. You don’t just reintroduce someone after 3 years no contact without them showing some form of consistency.

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GoldenGold · 03/07/2026 17:49

….

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