I just feel done with everything.
I have 3 kids; a 7 year old daughter and twin 2 year old boys. My 7 year old is coming to that attitude-y, sassy age that I don’t know how to handle. My 2 year old boys just fight and trash the house even more. All I ever do is pick up things around the house and move them from room to room.
I put in a flexi work request to compress my hours; I now do 4 x long days so I can have a ‘day off’ with my kids. It also helps with childcare costs so we have one less day of nursery/wraparound care to pay for. But after working 4 long days when it comes to my day off my house is a tip and I spend most of the day trying (and failing) to do housework then feel guilty for not doing activities with my kids.
I have a good job but have been there for 11 years and it’s not particularly fulfilling any more but I can’t leave as its in a pretty niche sector and I would struggle to get the same pay/conditions/flexibility elsewhere.
My husband is pretty good practically but I don’t get much emotional support from him. His emotional awareness is zero. I also help him a lot with his business (the admin/invoicing/tax) and handle all of our household finances. We have a small pot of savings but mainly live paycheck to paycheck so money is always a worry. Like many other mums I also handle all of the kids ‘admin’ like appointments, school/nursery activities etc etc.
I’m not really sure why I’m posting this; I just feel so done with everything and have no satisfaction or fulfilment from life. We have a summer holiday to look forward to this month but the thought of preparing, packing etc for it is just exhausting. Along with trying to arrange my own annual leave around my daughter’s summer holidays. We have minimal support from family and I have a complicated relationship with my own parents.
Did anyone feel like this then it get better as the kids get older? I just feel like I’m swimming against the tide and keep getting pulled under.